Untitled
Me: I'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes. Me: Wakes up March 13th, 2098..
2
0
17 words
33Guetta78
I <3 David Guetta, Collin Farrell and Johnny Whitworth!!! XD I also love Fun. and Maroon 5 (Especially Adam Levine)
86
Stories
12
Followers
Stories by @33Guetta78 (86)
Untitled
"OMG I love One Direction!" Jeff, eat a snickers. You're gay when you're hungry..
10
0
14 words
Untitled
Change Facebook name to "No One" . Like peoples status's.
8
1
10 words
Untitled
That awkward moment when you are scuba diving and see Adele rolling in the deep.
8
0
15 words
Untitled
I'm not saying I am batman. I am just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in the same room..
14
0
22 words
Untitled
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer will always walk faster..
6
0
13 words
Untitled
My vocabulary = 50% swearing, 50% sarcasm..
8
0
7 words
Close Enough
░░░░█ ░░░▄█▄░░╔╗╔╗╔╗─╦╔╗ ░░▄█▀█▄░╠╝╠╣╠╩╗║╚╗ ░▄█▄▄▄█▄╚═╩╩╩─╩╩╚╝ ▄██▀░░▀██▄.
6
1
5 words
The Failed Stfu Truck
|^^^^^^^^^^^\||____ | The STFU Truck |||""'|""\__,_ | _____________ l||__|__|__|) ...|(@)@)"""""""**|(@)(@)**|(@).
4
0
10 words
Hope This Works :/
▀ ▄▄ ▄███▄ ▄▀▀▀▄ ▄█████████▀ █ █ ▄██████ █▀ █ █ ▀██████████▄ ▀▄ ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀█▀▀██▀ █ ▀▄▄ ▄▄▀ ██▀ █▄▄▄▄▄▄▄█ ███▄▄.
0
2
20 words
OWEL
,___, [O.o] /)__) -"--"-.
4
0
4 words
Untitled
(￣(工)￣) bears are AWESOME !!!!.
2
0
5 words
Untitled
Me: *relaxing* Bird: *crashes into my window* Me: God is playing Angry Birds. (...) therefore... God thinks I'm a pig..
6
2
20 words
Untitled
Chuck Norris swam across the Sahara desert..
4
0
7 words
Untitled
How to kill a Spider: Get a tissue, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down..
8
0
18 words
Untitled
My future family photo: .
4
0
4 words
Untitled
"Coke please." "Is Pepsi ok?" "Is Monopoly money ok?".
14
0
9 words
Untitled
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah.
8
0
18 words
Untitled
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, I have Alzheimer's, hey I just met you..
10
0
17 words
Untitled
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people..
12
0
10 words
Untitled
Unicorns can't fly. I can't fly. Therefore I am a unicorn..
8
0
11 words
Untitled
Friends are like balloons If you stab them they die....
8
0
10 words
Untitled
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned..
6
0
17 words
Untitled
Me: "Everything is going great right now!" Life: "Hold on let me f*ck something up.".
6
0
15 words
Untitled
SpongeBob: “Can you hear me?” Patrick: “No, It’s too dark.”.
14
0
10 words
Untitled
Saying "Shut up, no one likes you" when someone tries to correct you..
8
0
13 words
Untitled
"I had a dream about you." "Awwwwww." "Yeah, you died.".
10
0
10 words
Untitled
Hitting your hip on a corner and feeling like you've been shot..
6
0
12 words
Untitled
MIRROR, U SAY I'M PRETTY, CAMERA, Y U NO AGREE?!.
12
0
10 words
Untitled
Shakespeare: "To be or not to be." Satre: "To do is to be." Socrates: "To be is to do." Scooby Doo: "Do be do be do.".
12
0
26 words
Untitled
I can't take this long distance relationship anymore... Fridge, you're coming to my room..
16
1
14 words
Untitled
"I will NOT forget.... I will NOT forget...." *next day* "So.. did you bring it?" "S***iiiiiiiiiiitttttttt, I forgot.".
6
0
18 words
Untitled
Feeling proud of yourself when you remember all the lyrics to a really old song.
8
0
15 words
Untitled
You've cat to be kitten me right meow!.
6
0
8 words
Untitled
I often wonder how much of me shouting "F*cking GOOGLE IT!" at the telly enters my kids' dreams..
8
0
18 words
Untitled
"i miss you" "Really?" "No. I'm just bored and everyone else is busy.".
10
0
13 words
Untitled
“Can I ask u something?” “Aren`t you already asking…”.
10
0
9 words
Untitled
Losing your phone is like losing your life..
6
2
8 words
Untitled
#WouldntItBeCool if we had lightsabers already. It's like scientists aren't even trying....
8
0
12 words
Untitled
#WouldntItBeCool if you could download food. The answer is hell yes..
6
1
11 words
Untitled
Start the day with a big bowl of why the f*ck am I awake..
6
0
14 words
Untitled
Imagine If Pokemon were real tho!!!.
6
0
6 words
Untitled
There is no "i" in "team." But there's an "i" in "Tim," and my friend Carlos pronounces it "team", so there..
8
0
21 words
Untitled
If it isn't on the first page of Google, it doesn't exist..
6
0
12 words
Untitled
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes..
6
0
16 words
Untitled
I hate it when I'm laughing and my ass falls off.....
6
0
11 words
Untitled
When you cant understand what someone is saying so you just do that awkward laugh and nod your head.
8
0
19 words
Untitled
I like going to strangers' weddings and screaming "don't marry her, I still love you!".
8
1
15 words
Untitled
"Aww someone needs a hug!" "DON'T. YOU. DARE. TOUCH. ME.".
6
0
10 words
Untitled
Me: Mom, Dad, I've decided to live on my own. Them: Okay, cool. Me: You're luggage is outside..
8
1
18 words
Untitled
What's the difference between us and a calendar. A calendar has dates #ForeverAlone.
6
0
12 words
Untitled
I found a butterfly on the ground that had no wings. So, I poured some RedBull on it and BAM... It drowned..
10
2
22 words
Untitled
"Dude, she just called you gay." "Oh hell no. Hold my purse!".
14
0
12 words
Best Christmas Jingle
Jingle bells, twilight smells. Edward ran away Bella dies, Jacob cries. Star Wars all the Way.
8
2
16 words
Untitled
Don't ever speek again. You are essentially an oxygen stealer.
14
0
10 words
Pewdiepie
Son: but dad I'm scared Dad: I DON'T CAAAAAAAAARRRRE.
10
0
9 words
Untitled
I don't want to sound badass or anything, but I play Wii without the wrist strap on. #YOLO.
14
0
17 words
Untitled
You don't need a parachute to skydive... You only need a parachute to skydive twice..
6
0
15 words
Untitled
Make the little things count... Teach midgets math..
4
0
8 words
Untitled
I'd like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher..
12
0
14 words
Untitled
I know I just met you, and this is crazy, but get in the f*cking van..
6
0
16 words
Untitled
A bull in pretty much any shop is gonna be a mess.
6
0
12 words
Untitled
Crocs are for people who like adding a degree of difficulty to getting laid..
6
0
14 words
My Dog Called Jerry
There once was a dog called Jerry Who ate his food with a cherry It looked up and said You have nothing in your head Next time he ate hid food with berry.
6
0
33 words
Cat In The Hat
There once was a cat who had a hat He get a little fat Now the had doesn't fit And he's in the s*it Then he exploded how wierd was that.
6
0
31 words
Sponge Bob
I don't know what Squidward's problem is, I would love to live next to Sponge Bob..
8
0
16 words
Lol
"What time is it?" "There's a clock right there." "Did I ask you where the clock was?".
10
0
17 words
In Bruges #18
Harry: I'm sorry for calling you an inanimate object. I was upset..
6
0
12 words
In Bruges #17
Ken: You got five grams of coke. Ray: I've got four grams on me and one gram in me which is why me heart is going like the clappers, as is I'm about to have a heart attack.
6
0
70 words
In Bruges #16
Ken: What the f*ck are you doing, Ray. Ray: What the f*ck are 'you' doing. [Ken sticks pistol behind his back] Ken: Nothing. Ray: Oh, my God... you were gonna kill me.
10
0
61 words
In Bruges #15
Ray: I saw your midget today. Little p*ick didn't even say hello. Chloë: Well, he's on a lot of ketamine. Ray: What's that. Chloë: Um, horse tranquilizer. Ray: Horse tranquilizer. Where'd he get that.
4
0
49 words
In Bruges #14
Ray: [after Jimmy doesn't wave back to Ray] Little f*cking c*nt..
2
0
11 words
In Bruges #13
Ken: Ray, did we or did we not agree that if I let you go on your date tonight, you'd do the things I wanted to do today. Ray: We are doing the things you wanted to do today.
2
0
67 words
In Bruges #12
[first lines] Ray: After I killed him, I dropped the gun in the Thames, washed the residue off me hands in the bathroom of a Burger King, and walked home to await instructions.
4
0
65 words
In Bruges #11
Ken: [standing up to leave and picking up his coat] Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf. I think I'm heading home..
4
0
22 words
In Bruges #10
Ken: [Ray walks into the bar high on cocaine] How'd your date go.
4
0
81 words
In Bruges #9
Policeman: [to Ray, who is trying to escape from Bruges on the train] Are you Irish. Ray: Yea. Policeman: What is your name. Ray: Er-Derek Fer... ler. Policeman: You eet the Canadian. Ray: What.
4
0
87 words
In Bruges #8
Ray: Jesus, Ken, I'm trying to talk about... Ken: I know what you're trying to talk about. Ray: I killed a little boy. You keep bringing up the f*cking lollipop man..
0
0
31 words
In Bruges #6
Ray: Why didn't you wave hello to me today when I waved hello to you today. Jimmy: I was on a very strong horse tranquilizer today; Wasn't waving hello to anybody. Except... maybe to a horse. Ray:...
2
0
121 words
In Bruges #5
Ray: Back off, shorty. Jimmy: You don't know karate. [Ray karate chops Jimmy's neck] Ray: Shortarse. [Ray and ken leave].
4
0
20 words
In Bruges #4
Natalie: [Harry gets angry and is destroying the phone, his wife approach him, saying:] Harry. Harry. It's a inanimate f*cking object. Harry: [to wife] You're an inanimate f*ckin' object!.
4
0
29 words
In Bruges #3
Ray: Maybe that's what hell is, the entire rest of eternity spent in f*cking Bruges..
4
0
15 words
In Bruges #2
Ray: What are they doing over there. They're filming something. They're filming midgets. Ken: Ray...
4
0
49 words
In Bruges #1
Ray: Bruges is a s*ithole. Ken: Bruges *is* not a s*ithole. Ray: Bruges *is* a s*ithole. Ken: Ray, we only just got off the f*cking train.
4
0
38 words
When I Was Little
When I was little, "I'm gonna to tell your mum" Was the scariest sentence EVER!.
6
0
15 words
That About Right
Saving a file as "jfkginfjcdb" because you're to lazy to wright a proper title.
6
0
14 words