Steve Martin

@sguga

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. – Groucho Marx.

@Jatt

Do you know that feeling when you're fully prepared for an exam. Me neither!.

@taffy01

Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy marshmellows, which are kinda the same thing..

@Stenataar

Spam

I'm pink, Therefore I'm Spam!.

@DazyQueen

Boys, a nuclear reactor is just like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons. Homer Simpson.

@Nobody

Save Money

I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance by not getting any..

@ggxbabe

Friendship

Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it but you get the warm feeling that it brings..

@sguga

Old people at weddings always poke me and say "your next." So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. -unknown :D.