How To Use The Shower
I must thank a very good friend of mine for this, thank you Sophie. Hope it makes you all laugh as did I.
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Blackrose
Love all things Apple.
47
Stories
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Followers
Stories by @Blackrose (47)
Ducks In Heaven
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St.
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Indian Hug
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
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Natural Laws
I have my Son-in-Law to thank for this one. I hope you all enjoy it. The damn thing about it is although funny, it's also very true.
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Toilet Woes !
LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK.
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Cell Phone Etiquette
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes.
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Thoughts and Ideas
Very true. 1. Life would be perfect if: Anger had a mute button, Mistake had a back button, Hard times had a fast forward button & Good times had a pause button. 2.
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Psychology & The Law
A guy asked a girl in a library; “Do you mind if I sit beside you”. The girl answered with a loud voice; I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!.
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Old Dogs
An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
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Coffee & Testicles
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine.
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Lipstick In Schools
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem.
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I'm Still Here
Hi All Got an email from Opuss the other day, asking where I had got to. Well I am still here.
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Did He Go To Specsavers ?
A woman had sued her local hospital saying that after them treating her husband recently he had lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied “The man was admitted in Ophthalmology.
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Why We Love Kids
1) A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
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Psychology Class
It was a practical session in the psychology class. The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it. The rat was in the middle of the cage.
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Died Of Shame
Annie, 6 years old, gets home from school. She had her first family planning lesson at school. Her mother, very interested, asks;" How did it go?" "I died of shame!" she answers.
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Why do we love children? ........
NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked.
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Senior Motel Moment
Last week, she checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely.
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SISTER MARY ANN'S GASOLINE
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.
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Better Instructions
There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning.
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Always Pay Your Dues
One of the mogul King Akbars' wives, Mariam, was a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Raja Todermal was obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
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Two Wolves. A Native Cherokee Tale.
A native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt. He said "I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one.
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Dogs Thoughts
1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all. 3. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!. 4.
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Thanks For Your Time
It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams.
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Gentle Thoughts for Today.
Birds of a feather flock together...and then shit on your car. A penny saved is a government oversight.
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Clay Balls
A man was exploring caves by the seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to...
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Wooden Bowls (Author Unknown)
A frail old man lived with his son, his daughter-in-law, and his four-year-old grandson. His eyes were blurry, his hands trembled, and his step faltered.
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You Work For The Government If...
1. You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym. 2.
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Importance Of Using Correct Email Address
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules.
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Diary Of A Housewife
Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
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Jesus Is Watching You !
A burglar broke into a house one night.
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If Your A Lawyer, Don't Read This :)
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.
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Mommy & Uncle Fred
It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon.
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Little Johnny's Grandmother.
From the mouths of children....always the truth . I think so :) Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store.
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Vampires...Not What You Think.
I know this is old, but for some strange reason I've always loved it......weird right.
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Why Some Men Have Dogs Instead Of Wives.
Ooooo I might get it in the neck over this one, depending on your gender I suppose :) 1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2.
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David & His New Parrot.
David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity.
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Little Larry, You've Gotta Love Him.
Little Larry and Gina are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Larry goes to Gina's father to ask him for her hand.
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Not Getting Old.
"...We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing.".
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Questions
"Questions are a burden to others....Answers a prison to oneself.".
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A Play On Words, Just For A Laugh.
*1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.* *2.
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Can't Tell A Book By Looking At Its Cover.
A group of bikers were riding when they saw a woman about to jump off The Tampa Bay Bridge, so they stopped.
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This should be posted in every school.
Love him or hate him , he sure hits the nail on the head with this. Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school.
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David may become my new favourite !!
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little David stood up.
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OSX LION/Safari QuickTime plugin failure.
A solution.
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BGT / X Factor / The Voice
I have been thinking of late, which by itself is enough to burst blood vessels.
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Quote
I always think this quote is so true, I would not trust any of them. "I'm a politician , that makes me a cheat and a liar, so when I'm not kissing babies I'm stealing their lollipops.".
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