"Go and have a look at the size of the shit I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.
"No thanks," she replied.
"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it."
She held her nose, ran in, looked down into the toilet, and then ran out again saying, "There's nothing down there, you must have flushed it."
I said, "It's on the scales."