Met a girl the other day who has a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh. It's amazing, if you put your ear to it you can smell the sea!.
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Cam
When she was good she was very very good, when she was bad she was even better...
27
Stories
244
Followers
Stories by @Cam (27)
One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage.
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188 words
Girlfriend 1.0
"Eighteen months ago, I upgraded to GirlFriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble.
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384 words
Internet Brides
Dear Tech Support: Years ago I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
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416 words
Mad Cow
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
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134 words
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners...
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28 words
How do you embarrass an archaeologist. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from..
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19 words
How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid. When you open her legs the lights go on..
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Goin South...
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob. If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts..
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Pregnant Bullet...
A woman was pregnant with triplets. One day she decided to go for a walk when she was shot in the stomach. The Doctor said the children would be fine but they would each have a bullet inside them.
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145 words
Robot Secretary
Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek. "Hey, bud, how are ya?" "I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!" "Well, I'm glad you like her.
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147 words
Nuns At The Pearly Gates
Three Nuns die in a car crash and go to see St Peter at the Pearly Gates.
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106 words
Jack & Jill
Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass Now two of his front teeth are missing.
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29 words
Rare-bear?!
Today I attended a dementia training day (I look after people suffering from mental illness during the night) and I have to admit, I am a tad freaked out by some of the early signs...
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171 words
Mary had a little lamb it ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its arse and turned its wool to nylon.
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22 words
The Improved Lords Prayer
My vibro, which brings me heaven, Rabbit be thy name. Till Kingdom cum, Thy makest me cum, on earth, with my eyes on heaven.
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Get Some Nuts
I know a young man in Calcutta Who plasters his member with butter, Then lovingly screws A sack of cashews... He must be a right fucking nutter!!!.
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It Might Be Rude To Spit
...But don't you think it's cruel, unfair, and disgusting to expect any person to swallow 1.7 billion potential people all at once?!.
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Political Correctness...
Is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unpopular, jobsworth bureaucracy, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a...
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36 words
Ball Catcher
I heard of a story so fraught With disaster, of balls that got caught, When a chap took a crap In the woods, and a trap Underneath... Oh, I can't bear the thought!.
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33 words
Whippersnapper
The enjoyment of sex, although great, Is in later years said to abate; This may well be so, But how would I know. I'm only a hundred and eight!.
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Tippex Please?
I'm the author of my own life... Unfortunately, I'm writing in pen and can't erase my mistakes!!!.
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~ B U ~
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind....
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21 words
Time To Go...
Why do people point at their wrists when they ask what time it is. I know where my watch is. Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?.
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33 words
See-Food Diet
Can it be a mistake that "desserts" is "stressed" spelled backwards?.
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11 words
TRUE Friendship
FRIENDSHIP- NONE OF THAT SISSY CRAP. 1. When ur sad - I will help u plot revenge on the bastard who made u sad. 2. When ur blue - I will try 2 dislodge whatever is choking u. 3.
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Modern Mary
Mary Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow. I live with my brat in a high rise flat, So how the frig would I know?!.
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26 words