Just a guy and his dog.
WHAT KIND OF PHONE DOES DOG USE. I don't know. It has my teeth marks where I bite and shake it. It says NOKIA on the front. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SOCIAL APPLICATION OR WEBSITE.
If anybody would like to ask DOG a question on technology, please leave it as a comment on this thread. And I will publish all the answers on our next post Woof..
DOG: This morning the postman RUBBED my BELLY DOG: DID YOU TELL HIM TO DO THAT.
DOG: Saturday tomorrow Yep DOG: then it's the WEEKEND Yes, it is DOG: WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN Are we. DOG: WE CAN STAY UP LATE AND TALK ABOUT GIRLS Jesus, do you KNOW you're a DOG.
DOG: watching Olympics Enjoying it. DOG: too many countries Right DOG: why not just have one country. DOG: HUMAN LAND DOG: THE SHITTEST PLACE ON EARTH.
DOG: BORED DOG: YOU NEED TO MAKE MY ENVIRONMENT MORE STIMULATING I gave you a sock to play with DOG: OH YEAH. THE SOCK DOG: HARRY POTTER HAS GIVEN DOGGY A SOCK Alright...
DOG: WHERE ARE YOU. Buying paint to redecorate the living room I'm trying to choose a colour... There are two options... DOG: BACON Bacon is not an option DOG: BLACK PUDDING.
DOG: do I have knees. I don't know... Are they not more like elbows. DOG: ELBOWS IN MY LEGS. I DON'T KNOW DOG: OMFG IM FREAKING OUT DOG: ARE THESE ANKLES OR WRISTS??!.
STOP BARKING IM TRYING TO SLEEP DOG: I'm doing the twilight bark Like in 101 Dalmatians. That's a REAL thing. DOG: duh, yeah Who are you talking to. DOG: Ted the Terrier next door What did he say.
What the hell are you doing to our neighbours cat, she just text me.
DOG: AM I GAY. I don't know. Are you attracted to man dogs.
DOG: Mr Postman's just made his delivery... Leave him alone DOG: he thinks he's going to get away with it Leave. Him.
DOG: have you noticed how I don't lift my leg when I wee. Because you fall over DOG: no Yes. I saw you try it once.
DOG: Come and untie me I'm in the shop. I'll be out in a minute.
DOG: :) Stop it DOG: stop what. Stop stealth farting under my bedroom door DOG: hell you talkin about. You know what I'm talking about YOUR DOING IT RIGHT NOW DOG: shhh. Let's just enjoy it.
DOG: WHERE ARE YOU. On my way to the supermarket DOG: OMG WHEN WILL YOU BE BACK. FFS, I just left. I said 'see you soon' remember. DOG: NO. WHEN WILL YOU BE BACK.
DOG: Did you move the chair in the living room. Yes. It looks better this way DOG: IT'S WRONG DOG: NOW I HAVE TO BARK AT IT FOR THREE HOURS.
DOG: Found the stick Good boy. Bring it back DOG: couldn't find the stick you threw but got a better one Ok... Where are you.
DOG: Got wet outside Ok. Stay in the kitchen DOG: In the living room GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN DOG: HAVE TO SHAKE Do NOT shake DOG: Gonna SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE DON'T SHAKE DOG: WHOA.
DOG: CHASING MY TAIL GET IT.
DOG: I swallowed a spider Now you will have to swallow a bird DOG: why. To catch the spider DOG: the spider will dissolve in my stomach acid Right DOG: are all humans as stupid as you?.
DOG: buy me a drum kit No. DOG: buy me a drum kit NO DOG: if I played the drums, we could be RICH Dogs do not play drums DOG: that's what you said about texting. Look how that turned out YES.
DOG: buy me a drum kit No. DOG: buy me a drum kit NO DOG: if I played the drums, we could be RICH Dogs do not play drums DOG: that's what you said about texting. Look how that turned out YES.
DOG: How's your day going. Boring. How's your day. DOG: AWESOME. Tired now Running up and down the stairs again.
DOG: tip top day. Made a new enemy Stop. Making. Enemies. DOG: he drives around in a van playing music to LURE KIDS INTO HIS WEB OF EVIL He sells ICE CREAM. DOG: YEAH.
DOG: when we meet people stop saying "this is my dog" WTF do you want me to say. DOG: say NOTHING, your my butler. That is all. Right, what do I call you.
DOG: a wasp is in the house Ok. DOG: want me to get rid of it. Can you. DOG: Sure DOG: where do you keep the guns. Forget it.
DOG: WANNA SEE MY IMPRESSION OF SEAN CONNERY'S DOG No. DOG: WANNA SEE MY IMPRESSION OF SEAN CONNERY'S DOG OMFG fine DOG: WOOFSHH Stop texting me at work.
DOG: did you call me. I'm busy Just got a text from the neighbour. STOP TWATTING AROUND DOG: I'm NOT. SHES LYING Shall I forward you her text.
DOG: SOMEONE BROKE INTO THE HOUSE FUCK. Are you ok. I'm coming home. DOG: No need. They didn't take anything.
DOG: enjoying your muffin. Yes. Where are you. DOG: that's not important DOG: what does that muffin taste like. Blueberry DOG: and. That's it. Blueberry DOG: and... DID YOU LICK THIS.
You're quiet. Where are you. DOG: I've been planning a sneak attack. On me. DOG: that's right punk Lol, you can't sneak.
DOG: GOOD MORNING It's 7 PM DOG: I just woke up I just finished work DOG: IM EXCITED I'm tired DOG: TOUGH. WHEN YOU COME THROUGH THAT DOOR IM GOING APE SHIT.
DOG: I'm writing my autobiography Right DOG: so far I have the title Good DOG: want to know what it is. Nope DOG: THE BARK KNIGHT RISES Like the batman film DOG: Who the HELL is BATMAN?.
DOG: lol got into in the neighbours garden GET BACK IN OUR GARDEN DOG: OK, jeez RIGHT NOW DOG: OMFG I said ok ARE YOU BACK YET.
DOG: A TRAIN. No. DOG: YES NO DOG: YES NO DOG: YEEEESSSS YOU CANNOT RUN FASTER THAN A TRAIN DOG: IDIOT, IM LIKE THE FUCKING WIND.
DOG: I just spoke to my friend Ted the Terrier That's nice DOG: Ted said the vacuum isn't attacking me Is that right.
DOG: NEED TO GO OUTSIDE Just getting off the bus now DOG: NEED TO GO OUTSIDE I'm on my way DOG: NEED TO GO OUTSIDE JUST A SECOND DOG: NEED A MOP FUCK SAKE.
DOG: since you taught me to text human I'll teach you how to speak dog on one condition What's that. DOG: buy me sausages EVERY day for the next 6 weeks DEAL DOG: ok.
DOG: in human years I would be 47 years old DOG: how old are you. DOG: HELLO. How old are you.
DOG: who would win in a fight... I hate ur stupid games DOG: ME VS A SHARK Shark. DOG: ME VS A BEAR Bear.
DOG: LIFE IS PASSING ME BY Well, let's do something EXCITING this weekend little guy. DOG: THIS weekend. Yeah DOG: can't. I'm busy Busy DOING what. DOG: lying down and stuff.
DOG: who are those people in our house. Guests DOG: why. Just having a wee party DOG: are you going to introduce me. No. DOG: not to ALL of them, just the girl in the blue jeans. No.
DOG: LAMP IN THE LIVING ROOM FELL OVER. Ok. DOG: FREAKED ME OUT. Take a deep breath. DOG: NOW I HAVE TO FIGHT IT. NO YOU DON'T. DOG: I DO, MATTER OF HONOUR N STUFF.
DOG: think the sofa cushions are planning another ambush Those comfy BASTARDS DOG: backfired though, I captured the leader and water boarded him for intel on their next attack Water boarded.
DOG: I'm guarding the house Good boy. DOG: BATDOG now has a signature weapon What's that. DOG: the BONERANG Worst. Weapon. Ever. DOG: I have a motto, want to hear it.
DOG: your the best.
DOG: we have to a have bath together... Nope. DOG: THEN we drop a TOASTER IN THE BATH That would kill us. DOG: you're an idiot. WE'D SWAP BODIES OMFG stop watching shit films..
DOG: I'm going to grow a moustache. You kinda already have one. DOG: it's not big enough Ok. How you going to do that then. DOG: DUH you buy me moustache seeds and I plant them under my nose Yep.
DOG: why you put me in garden. Because you would drown. I have to call someone to fix this flood. DOG: DAM BUSTERS That's if you NEED a flood DOG: GHOST BUSTERS They bust GHOSTS.
DOG: you bought dog shampoo. Yes DOG: what for. Because you smell like a gorilla's dick. DOG: THAT'S MY SMELL What are you doing in the bathroom.
DOG: what will you do with me when I die. Flush you down the toilet. DOG: is my death a joke to you. I'm having you stuffed.
DOG: knocked bin over. Drank some stuff What stuff. DOG: dunno, blue silvery stuff Red bull. DOG: brain feels all ELECTRICKY Lie down. DOG: OMG you left the bedroom door open.
DOG: Where's my belly button. What. DOG: WHERE'S MY BELLY BUTTON. Do dogs have belly buttons. DOG: DID YOU CUT THAT TOO. CALM DOWN DOG: YOU CALM DOWN. IM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT..
DOG: nice chat with the cat from next door I thought you hated cats. DOG: myth. Dogs love cats DOG: cats love mice.
DOG: walkies. Want me to take you for a walk. DOG: I'll take YOU for a walk Let's get that collar around your neck then. DOG: let's get that lead around your wrist IM WALKING YOU DOG: ARE YOU.
DOG: you shouldn't swear so much. I think you're compensating for something. You're not a psychiatrist DOG: that's irrelephant Irrelevant.
DOG: it's raining here :( DOG: is it raining where you are. I'm upstairs. DOG: is it raining there. We're in the same house. I'm upstairs. DOG: IS IT RAINING THERE.
DOG: I'm in the garden I know, I'm working from home today. DOG: I can't find that pizza crust you threw out here. There was no crust. I was only pretending haha.
DOG: awesome day. I'm doing power slides in the kitchen with my NEW SIDEKICK Sidekick. DOG: yep. Found him in the garden Found. DOG: they're fast.
DOG: why are you such a clean freak. WTF DOG: why does EVERYTHING have to be spotless.
DOG: SCOOBY-DOOBY-DOO. Where are you DOG: WE'VE GOT SOME WORK TO DO NOW DOG: SCOOBY-DOOBY-DOO Where are you. DOG: WE NEED SOME HELP FROM YOU NOW Twat. DOG: fuck you. That was fun.
DOG: where are you. Where am I. WHERE ARE YOU. DOG: at home eating the rest of your pop tart IM IN THE PARK DOG: what are you doing there.
DOG: I've hatched a plan DOG: we put up posters of me 'MISSING £500 REWARD' Right. DOG: then, I HIDE. BUT, I tell YOU where I'm hiding Ok DOG: then, you come and 'FIND' me.
DOG: what's for dinner tonight. Friday night take out for me. Dry dog food for you. DOG: Bluugh. Ok, I've laid the table. How did you do that. DOG: knocked one of the legs and it got LAID...
DOG: your shirt fell off the hanger Fine. I'll hang it back up when I get home. DOG: don't you want to wash it first. I just washed it. It'll be fine. DOG: right. Have you pissed on it.
Have I left my iPod at home. DOG: yes Where is it. DOG: definitely not in my mouth.
DOG: stop neglecting me OH MY GOD. I'm NOT neglecting you. DOG: I'll call the RSPB Jesus, you're an idiot. They protect BIRDS. DOG: THEN ILL TELL THEM YOUR AN OSTRICH DOG: I'll ring dogs trust.
DOG: the sofa cushions are ganging up on me. No they're not. DOG: Sorry, are you here. Don't patronise me. I know when I'm being attacked. Yeah alright. Calm down.
DOG: the postman's coming up the path Ok. DOG: he thinks he's going to deliver some letters DOG: he forgot one thing What's that. DOG: BATDOG.
DOG: HELP. COME HOME QUICKLY. What's the matter. DOG: IT'S AN EMERGENCY Whats wrong?!. DOG: IT'S TIMMY Who's Timmy. DOG: TIMMY'S TRAPPED DOWN A WELL Smart ass. DOG: you just got lassied LOL.
DOG: where is mr duck. Don't know. I'm busy. DOG: WHERE IS MR DUCK. Again, I don't know. DOG: i'm stressed. I need to bite mr ducks sweet plastic body FFS.
DOG: where is mr duck. Don't know. I'm busy. DOG: WHERE IS MR DUCK. Again, I don't know. DOG: i'm stressed. I need to bite mr ducks sweet plastic body FFS.
DOG: what u doin. I'm working. DOG: what was my mum like. She seemed alright. I only saw her once. DOG: so it was a one night stand. What. DOG: you just 'hit it' and 'quit it'.
DOG: do you think I could be a police dog. No. DOG: why not. Don't think you've got the nerve. DOG: WTF. My nerves are STEEL. You jump at the sounds of your own farts.
DOG: guess who left the back gate open. Get back here NOW. I'm waiting... Where ARE you. GET HOME NOW. DOG: I'm stuck. FFS where. DOG: underneath the neighbours fence.
DOG: why you shut me in room. You know why. DOG: no I don't. You do so. DOG: because you using vacuum cleaner. Your smarter than you look. DOG: your not, you've got a face like a pug. So do you.
DOG: just done a busy on the kitchen floor WTF. I let you out before I left DOG: yea, I thought you weren't ever ever ever coming home....... so I panicked I have to eat in that room.
DOG: hey genius. You left the handbrake off. No I didn't. DOG: yes, you did. NO, I DIDN'T. DOG: ok. You 'didn't'. I guess I'm rolling down the hill in someone ELSE'S car. OMFG. DOG: this is awesome..
DOG: you got a letter. Ok. DOG: from the bank, I think Ok. DOG: tasted important..
DOG: you hear me barking. DOG: what if they was a burglar in the house and your just ignoring me Is there a burglar in the house. DOG: I hope not. Well then, go to sleep. DOG: I can't.
DOG: I'm watching a documentary on hurricanes That's nice. Are you learning anything. DOG: not really Has it mentioned hurricane Katrina. DOG: were there pants and socks in hurricane Katrina.
DOG: how long til u be home. Told you I'll be in at 7. You ready for walkies!. DOG: YES. CAN WE TAKE THE BALL You want the ball. DOG: YES. Who wants the ball DOG: ME.
DOG: hey. Why you keeping another dog in the bedroom. Christ. I've told you before - that's a MIRROR. The dog is YOU DOG: oh. Ok.
DOG: why you no txt me today. I'm busy. DOG: you on gay opuss app instead of texting dog. No. I'm working. DOG: just ran up and down the stairs 19 times without stopping.
DOG: I need a girlfriend You can't have kids. I had you 'done' remember. DOG: WHAT?.
DOG: Have you got crisps upstairs. No. DOG: I thought I heard rustling. You were mistaken.
You have received a new SMS message. DOG: Fun day. Ran around the house in a cape. I'M BATDOG LOL Where did u get the cape. DOG: I think role playing helps alleviate my boredom.