Sign In
Back

Another Story In Another Life-1

Energuella
Energuella • 10 followers

It is my first story in english so please comment :)

- Evan!
When Commander Brook Coast and five other soldiers arrived, it was too late. Evan faced them with blood coming out of his stomach. Commander Coast gasped,
- Evan- ... You ...
Evan smiled with tears. Commander Coast was more than a commander for him, Commander Coast was like a brother to him. He pointed to the metal shards stabbed into his body.
- I'm sorry, Commander Coast... But I won't be able to do what I must do anyway... I was going to fail you all...
Evan's spiritless body fell on the cold ground. The soldiers rushed to catch him before he fell. Commander Coast only bowed his head and tried to stop his tears. There was no reason for them to catch him, he was already dead.

#science fiction
Energuella

@Energuella

I like to write and read :)

3
Stories

Similar Stories

mdseddon
@mdseddon

The Next Step

"Child!" shouted Lord Aldermark, "You must learn how to focus yourself in battle, it's no use in mindlessly attacking anything that moves!!!!" "But Father", exclaimed Prince Allandrick, "Our worlds...

148 words
mdseddon
@mdseddon

Devastation

The attack was swift, calculated and direct. Repulser propelled missiles hit their targets perfectly and with maximum destruction.

89 words
jamiewho17
@jamiewho17

Peter Pan♥

Wendy said she would give him a kiss if he liked, but Peter did not know what she meant, and he held out his hand expectantly. 'Surely you know what a kiss is?' she asked, aghast.

59 words
CorinthianScore
@CorinthianScore

The Hell Out of Dodge, Part 1

A/N: Please comment and let me know what you think. :) Bonnie drove as fast as her car would take her.

5118 words
CorinthianScore
@CorinthianScore

The Hell Out of Dodge, Part II

The Hell Out f Dodge, Part II A/N: Let me know what you think. :) "Well, yes, that, and there is always the fact that I'd like to get to know you. You fascinate me.

4370 words
AnnaDango
@AnnaDango

Can't Sleep

The bright sun shines onto my face and seeps past my eyelids. I see red and orange and yellow. I feel tiny beads of sweat beginning to form on the tip of my nose and under my lips.

95 words
OdinsFist
@OdinsFist

Modern Dragons VI

For @Naaviie I'm sorry :( There before Saaci was a dragon. A beautiful dragon of ebony hide. It's scales were dull but they gave off a warm glow of illumination.

81 words
Gearbox
@Gearbox

My Contagion

He walked down the somewhat quiet sidewalk with a pounding in his head.

81 words

Comments & Feedback (4)

puffy1980
puffy1980
May 2, 2012 at 8:21 PM

It's a good start. You could develop it into a really good story

Energuella
Energuella
May 2, 2012 at 8:23 PM

Thank you :) I know its a small start but I will continue if you like it :D

Karamin_Daze
Karamin_Daze
May 2, 2012 at 8:24 PM

Two mistakes only, it should be "pointed to the", not pointed the, and also "catch him before he fell", not fall, is this is all done in past tense. I like it and you convey emotion very well, if you hadn't mentioned it I would have thought english was your first language ^^ congrats on your first opuss :P

Energuella
Energuella
May 2, 2012 at 8:31 PM

Thank you for your help :) if you find another mistakes please comment :)

Similar Writers

AnnaDango

@AnnaDango

I'm sixteen years old and my dream is to become an author. I am currently working on a science-fiction novel.

View Profile
Shade

@Shade

I have been a writer since forever. I love anything a normal nerd loves,( Buffy, D&D, ect.) and I hate Justin Beiber.

View Profile