Love You Too: PART SIXTY FIVE

-NATE-
I looked across at her, sitting across the room from me with a pen in her mouth. I couldn't help but fantasise about what had happened before we came into economics, and about what would inevitably happen after this lesson.
I hadn't stopped looking at her for the hour the lesson had gone on for; admiring her fragile beauty from afar. Her hair still looked as glossy, it was still styled in the same way, her makeup was still minimal but precise as it always had been, and her dress was still smart but with a hint of flirt, just as it always had been.
But when I looked past Tiffany's exterior, I sensed the loss. Something about her mannerisms and her body language told me she was reeling from something, and that's probably not just because I already know that. She still protected where her bump would have been, and she still leaves space for it in front of her.
Some would call her mad for carrying on like this, but I took my hat off to her. She was coping extremely well with what had happened, and I can't speak for closed doors yet, but her public appearance is faultless and strong, and most importantly, well maintained. For the whole day, I'd not seen her drop this facade once, which was admirable on her part.
"So class if you could finish writing that essay for me for the next lesson that would be appreciated. And it appears Nathaniel will need a special one as he hasn't been paying attention. Let's see, fancy writing 1000 words on why you shouldn't stare at your fiancé all lesson?" the teacher said, confusing me as to whether he was joking or not.
"I'm sure that could be arranged" I said, scribbling the title down.
"And perhaps the right essay title could be received from Tiffany? I still need it in tomorrow"
"Yes, sir. Of course" I said, walking out of the classroom and following the rest of the class. I waited by the door for Tiffany, but she was obviously taking her time.
"My wife and I were having a baby at one point" he began, turning his back on Tiffany so he could rub something off the white board. "It was a truly great time. We thought we could conquer anything that came our way. Then she had a miscarriage too, and it totally crushed our relationship. I just want you to be sure that what you're doing together is the right thing?" he said, turning around so he could sit on the edge of his desk.
"We're sure" I said to him and Tiffany nodded in agreement
"Alright then" he sighed, "Congratulations on the head girl position and have a nice day"
"Thanks" she said, as we walked out of the classroom together.
I began to hear light sniffles coming from Tiffany, and when I turned to look at her, she was in tears. "Hey sweetheart, what's the matter? Ignore what Mr Henderson said, he doesn't know anything. I wouldn't ever do that to you"
"I know. I guess all day I've fought back the tears, but I can't hold them back anymore" she sobbed, flopping her head into my chest.
"Shhh" I said, holding her head there gently and stroking her glossy hair. "Why don't we go to my room?" I suggested, knowing we didn't have anymore lessons that day. I felt her nod into my chest, and so I began to walk, past the art department and back towards the boy's dorms, with her face still resting on my chest. We happened to come across the three girls from earlier, who sneered at us, but as they saw the everlasting sadness that Tiffany was being put under, their faces appeared to ease off, allowing her the space she so greatly needed.
I looked up at the main school building, to where the head was watching us from her high perch up in her brick tree. As I looked towards Mrs Henderson, I realised a number of things, and a new, kinder side to her emerged. She was taking care of us from afar, nursing our wounds because she had experienced it too. She clearly smiled at us through the window, understanding the emotions Tiffany was feeling right now, and supporting her as I was right now.
I smiled back before turning off into the boy's dorms. I went up the stairs to the senior area, and turned right, towards the room at the end of the corridor.
"Welcome home" I said to her, as I pushed the door open to my new room.
"Did you have to pick the room furthest away from the girl's dorms?" she said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "It's nice" she said, glancing around.
It wasn't nicely decorated or containing much, but Charlie had kindly given up the king sized bed for me to have, so that was taking centre stage in the middle of the room against the wall. Other than the bigger bed, it was identical to my room last year.
"I've got a little present for you actually" I said, pulling out a large frame from under the bed.
On the canvas itself was the front cover of Vogue magazine. The large capital letters were emblazoned across a simple white background, broken only by our faces, smiling out in joy and happiness.
"Do you ever think I'll smile like that again?" she asked, gazing into her photographed eyes.
"I promise you will" I said, kissing her forehead.
"Thank you. It's gorgeous" she said, hugging me. "Can we do something now?"
"Sure, what do you want to do?" I asked, setting down the picture alongside my bed.
"We should put that up later" she said, gesturing to the picture.
"And what else?"
"Can we just lie together? I feel a bit weak on my own" she said, already lying down on my bed.
"Of course baby. You don't have to ask" I said, laying beside her and resting my body against her back. I placed one arm underneath her, so I was holding her and the other one on her hip, gently tracing circles.
"Do you remember the last time you did that?" she said suddenly, smiling at the thought.
"Yes. But we don't need to think about that now" I said, stroking her hear behind her ear and kissing its lobe.
I pulled up the front of her shirt, and looked down at her stomach to see if the bruising had faded like it had on her face and arms.
"I'd give it a few more days before they disappear. Then I'll start to forget too" she said, picking up on what I was looking for.
"They look better though" I said, running my fingers lightly over them.
"They still ache though. I don't know whether it's them or my heart though" she said to me, burying her head in the pillow and exhaling heavily.
"You'll be okay baby. Please don't get upset again. It kills me every time I see you cry, because I want to take away that pain so badly but I know I can't"
"I'm sorry. You must hate having to be the strong one too, inside you must feel like breaking down all the time like I do" she said, turning her body so she was now lying facing me.
"I don't mind it. I'd rather comfort you than be alone" I said, kissing the top of her forehead.
"Let it out" she said to me, sitting up and putting my head on her chest. It was like a role reversal, and all of a sudden I realised why she always placed her head there. The feeling of having someone more dominant, and more powerful was soothing, and the ability to relax on someone else calmed me completely.
I felt her arm pass around my shoulders, and I felt the other begin to stroke my hair. I wrapped my hand across her torso, resting it on the other hip, until we were both holding each other.
Just then, I began to think about the baby. The face I'd never see was being created by my imagination, the gorgeous doe-eyed baby gazing up at me from her crib in the hospital, alongside her mother at the birth. I picked her up, breathing in her newborn scent, and planting a kiss on her tiny head, covered in wisps of her mother's chestnut brown hair. I sat down in a chair alongside Tiffany's bed, and I rocked the child, sending her quietly to sleep. Tiffany glanced over at me, at her little family, and she smiled, tears of happiness welling up in her eyes and tumbling down her smooth complexion.
Inside those brown eyes was new life, a new soul that had such an unknown future in front of her, but what I knew for certain was that she'd be loved for the rest of her life, that she'd always have her daddy watching over her.
As I snapped back into reality, being held by my girlfriend in my room, I realised that I'd been crying. Tears stained Tiffany's blouse, causing it to stick to my face when I tried to move and kiss her.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm playing at" I said, wiping my face clean and smoothing her blouse down.
"You're doing what you should be doing all the time. You need to let it out, or you'll keep it all inside and it'll eat away at you. I need you to be strong for me, and if that means having moments like this then so be it" she said, kissing me once.
"Thank you" I said, sitting up alongside her and putting my arm around her. "But let me play the guy, okay?" I said as I regained my position as the male in the relationship.
"Sure" she laughed, more than willing to rest back into my chest.