Dear You

Dear You,
So, hey.
I've got lots of feelings, and I can't tell you, for lots of reasons. So many heartbreaking reasons.
I can remember the first time I thought I had feelings for you, it was the day you all went to the baseball game with the school, my class didn't go. It was almost the end of the line here for me, my time was nearly up, my days were numbered, i was down to a little over two weeks, and I was enjoying a last time of waiting after for my bus to get there, I was talking to you, like usual. It was a regular day if there ever was one. But something seemed different.....
We were comparing cellphone service, you held your phone up in the air, and I tried to hold mine at the same height as yours, but I was too short, I was as high as I could reach, on the tips of my toes didn't help because you just went in the tips of yours with a laugh, and I still wasn't quite your level, you took it with a smile, and held it above with yours.
Then joked holding it over the drinking fountain as I tried to reach for it.
We laughed and joked, I stole your hat from the game, and jokingly asked why you didn't get me anything at the game. I made fun of you for things only I knew about from your childhood. I rested my arm in your shoulder.
Suddenly, you looked at the time on your phone, and admitted you were late walking home, and you left quickly apologizing for not being able to talk more.
That's when I knew, as i watched you wall away, something changed. I didn't see you as the kid I had known since I was little. I realized I had been chasing after the wrong guy, I had chased after a boy who wouldn't even give me the time of day.
And there was you, I could talk to you about everything, and laugh and joke for hours.
But sadly, after I had this epiphany, you were taken by another.
I felt down and out, but I graduated and moved on to a new school, with new guys, new friends, new people. But I still though about you once in awhile. What it's floated past once in a blue moon.
I saw you one day, I was there at the old school. You had grown up more, looked more mature, truthfully, more mature than any guy at my school. Again I rested my arm on your shoulder, joked and laughed for a second before heading back to my bus with my friends.
It was back, everything I felt for you, stirred again. Stronger this time, you were single again. My chance.
Next time I saw you, I was going to casually ask for you number, I was!
My friend and I were talking on night, not long after I saw you again, she and I were texting as usual, she went to school with you. She said in short that you liked her. I joked, but not truly joked, that if you liked me, I wouldn't be flustered at all.
She eventually told you I liked you, against my wishes may I add.
But never the less, I continued to like you.
She was over about a week after she told you, spending the night at my house, and I stole her phone while she played Wii, and texted you.
The conversation did eventually end up on the subject of me having feeling for you, I remember you brought it up.
I'll never forget that moment I told you,
Me:It's kind of a hopeless crush
You:Why hopeless?
Me:Tonbe hecause I didn't think I'd ever have a chance with you.
You:Why would you think that?
Me:I don't know, I just did
You: I honestly thought I wouldn't have a chance with you
My heart skipped three beats and stopped.
But you wanted to wait, until you were in school with me again.
I was a bit crushed, but overall, I was extricating that I finally had the one I had wanted in any little way. I was so happy.
Things got complicate when in the same conversation, because phones did switch hands, you explained to my fried you had feelings for her and me.
I asked my friend if she liked you, she said no.
I wasn't all to sure. But I decided to give trust to her, she wouldn't lie, she knew I hated lying.
The next day, after my friend and I spent all day together, she went home.
You finally texted back from my hi on my own phone.
But what was said next, literally made a little part of me die.
You said you asked out my best friend, and she said yes.
I promised not to make it a big deal, that it was ok, that I was fine.
My biggest lies.
Inside I was crushed, broken to bits.
I texted my best friend. Who told me it was true, she did like him, she did say yes. She said she made you tell me.
I was mad, I was sad, I was so angry!
I still am.
But I can't be angry with you. She didn't have to lie, you didn't have to choose her. But you did. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Mine still wants you.
But as someone unknown to me, but great once said,
If you truly love someone, you must love them enough to put their happiness before yours, even if their happiness is not with you.
As much as it breaks me, as much as it shakes me, and much as it hurts me inside, if she makes you happy, I'm letting it be.
But someday, I just hope you see this, someday I can show you. Someday you can see I put you before me. Maybe someday, you and me will be us, maybe someday, this can be our story, that started out broken. But for now it's a part of my ever healing heart. Maybe someday I'll be your happiness.
Sincerely,
Me