Joke #17
How did hitler die. He looked at his gas bill!.
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MacDoom
Give me a kik; numlock9
84
Stories
19
Followers
Stories by @MacDoom (84)
DYK #8
There is a 1 in 2067000 chance of dying in a plane crash. There is a 1 in 423548 chance of you dying from falling out of bed..
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DYK #7
In old English the word "man" was gender neutral, meaning everyone, and the word for man was "wer".
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DYK #6
There are 15 known signatures of Shakespeare. None are spelled the same and none are spelled the same as we do today..
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DYK #5
The historical definition of "the present" is anything after 1st January 1950, as nuclear bombs have altered the atmosphere so that nothing after that can be carbon dated..
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DYK #4
1 in 10000 chickens are born half male half female..
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Untitled
Did you know a "buttload" is an actual unit of volume, equivalent to 126 gallons?.
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Untitled
#answerme Why has evolution given men bigger muscles than women. Serious answers plz. I wish to know..
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Untitled
You may not think gorillas learning sign language was that cool, but you should see some of the things they say. Like, MIND BLOWN..
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Untitled
Is the answer to this question no?.
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Untitled
I don't want to watch back to the future III... I don't want it to end.... #reallyreallysad.
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Untitled
If the pope dies, is he being promoted or fired?.
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Joke #16
What's long, hard, and full of semen. A battleship!.
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Untitled
Being a Christian or satanist is overrated... I'm a Cthulhuian!.
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Cerebrum Chapter III
"Experiment 283a is commencing. All non-employees please exit the building through one of the marked doors. Have a good day." Jon sat at the stainless steel control panel.
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Untitled
Proverbs are made to learn from, not for fools to repeat endlessly!.
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Joke #15
A woman walks into an ice cream shop and asks for chocolate ice cream.
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Untitled
That moment when you read photography as pornography and then it makes the rest of the sentence either creepy or hilarious..
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Untitled
To all ranters: I have found our god. Search "pmrants" on YouTube. Watch. Like. Sub..
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Untitled
Did you know, there is a fan theory that James Bond is not a man but a code name, which would explain why he keeps changing appearance and all the characters turn up at odd points.....
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Untitled
I have had a brilliant idea. If anyone needs a question answered, they can tag it with #answerme and someone can answer them. Say if you know the answer to that particular question you can answer it.
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Untitled
My feeds broken :(.
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Spidersnick, Or Dimension 128/az2
A short 3-parter I wrote a while ago. Shall be uploading them. Cause I'm going down the route of chugging out lots and lots of meaningless content now. But no, this is a decent enough story. Enjoy...
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Untitled
As far as I can tell, Emily Sandes song "clown" is about how she thinks all her friends hate her because they shared a joke and she wasn't part of it. Someone elaborate..
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Untitled
*me and my dad watching alien* *at the part where ripely is on the escape shuttle* Dad: Ok, be warned, when I saw this bit when I was young it gave be a bit of a fright, just letting you kno- Me:...
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Untitled
New profile pic, methinks it is humourus....
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The Orm
I feel the energy rushing through me Notepad in hand, I Scrawl down as much as I can Possessed with an urge, Ideas flowing inside my brain Running out of ink, so Attack myself with my quill The...
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Untitled
SCRUNCH OR FOLD??.
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One of the top stories on "Pocket Writers" for iOS is "I accidentally turned 1d into vampires"... I HAVE LOST ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY.
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Untitled
Avicii and Nicky Romero "I could be the one" Funniest music video I have ever seen!. Viewer discretion advised though.....
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Untitled
Did you know... A woman once hung herself from a tree the night before Halloween, and nobody noticed because they all thought it was a decoration..
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Untitled
So if anyone else is familiar with the works of Walter moers plz leave a comment because I seem to be like the only one...
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Untitled
Sorry for being a bit bitcy in my last post :l I was just getting a bit worked up because I hadn't got any likes in over a week. :).
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Untitled
Yeah. I've pretty much left opuss. When I first got this app I thought it would be great, sharing stories with others. But no. The stories, which are mainly pretty good, get next to no likes at all.
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Untitled
Taylor swift is really hot, yet all her songs are about guys breaking up with her... She must have a really terrible personality!.
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Untitled
SHUT UP WOMAN GET ON MY HORSE.
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Untitled
"Well done. You have passed the final test in which we said we were going to kill you. Your party is being organised.
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Untitled
"If you wake up one morning, and it's a particularly beautiful sunset, then you'll know we succeeded" -Capa, in Sunshine.
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3 Incredibly Good Movies
1. Speed. 2. Sunshine (my favourite sci fi movie of all time). 3. Rear window.
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Untitled
Light is out April. Hell yus. Been waiting for it for ages.... (The book, you know the gone series).
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Untitled
Oh, I'm pissed!.
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Roses are red Violets are blue I have five fingers The middle one is for you.
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Cerebrum Chapter II
Year 21o/675:4 (six years before chapter 1) Susan Terr was lying in the hospital bed, smelling slightly old and sick.
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A Bizarre Theory
There is a fan theory that all the creatures in spongebob are actually the result of nuclear testing.
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Untitled
What's all this batman theme and imagery going on. It's been aaaages since the last movie, wuts all the fever :/?.
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Things I Find Creepy
1. Blood-stained clowns 2. Gang members with knives 3. Chainsaws (when being held by someone) 4. Creepypasta (some of the creepier include Barbie.avi, BEN, and Zelda 2 lost level) 5. Serial killers 6.
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Channel
So basically I'm posting this just to let peoples know that I have a YouTube yay.
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Puzzle
A man lives in a building on the 14th floor. Every day, when he comes back from his daily commute, he uses the elevator but only goes up to floor 8, and then takes the stairs to the top.
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Joke #14
Three men go to a park and find a magic slide. The first man goes down yelling "Gold, Gold!" and lands in a pot of gold. The second man goes down yelling "Silver. Silver!" and lands in a pot of...
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???
I don't understand, does no one like my last 5 posts. Cos nobody's liked them or anything. Am I being ignored?. :P.
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Joke #13
A man was going to a football match, so rolled down the windows a little for his puppy to breath. He then proceeded to tell his puppy to " Stay. Stay.
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Kind Of True Point
"Live every day like its your last. Your heart can dream of things your head never will so jump over and take the leap!" *posts* OMG I AM SO ORIGINAL!.
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Cerebrum Chapter I
Loosely based on the fourth men from "Last and First men" "Jon Terr has entered Cerebrum 07.
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Joke #12
A man smokes weed on the toilet. He is high on pot!.
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Joke #11
Three men walk into a bar. You would have thought one of them would see it!.
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DARK STANLEY!
"He was hung for murder, then they buried him in an unmarked grave. The next day, the whole CEMETERY was gone!" Simpsons joke ftw..
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Joke #10
A female speaker is addressing an audience and shouts "Where would man be if it were not for women?" There is silence, and she says "I repeat, where would man be if it were not for women" There is...
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Joke #9
How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub. 17 (Another antijoke).
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Joke #8
A horse walks into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" The horse replies "I have cancer" This is an antijoke I.e a joke that sets you up to laugh, but then has a depressing punch line.
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Untitled
Is my new pic not the coolest profile pic on this site?!.
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The Best Statistic Ever
52 Brits a year injure themselves trying to use sharp knives as screwdrivers!.
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Joke #7
#thegreatestjoke Apparently this has been scientifically proven to be the worlds funniest joke. Two men are out hiking when one of them collapses.
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Battle #1
Ok so basically this is me giving you the choice between two things and whichever one the most people like in the comments will win. 1st one: Minecraft V Terraria.
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Scariest Story Ever!
So u r chillin wid ur huni n u r makin out and then u git a call on ur phon sayin "wot r u doin wid my dotter" u ask ur huni she sez "mi dads ded "THEN WHO WAS PHONE.
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Top 5 Best Things To Do In Public
5- Pretend to be a monkey and run around on all fours, stealing people wallets and stuff. 4- Walk up to a stranger and start singing "the man who can't be moved" at a street corner.
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Competition Winners
YAY. My decision has been made, and I think my favourite was patdolan83's, because it was VERY catchy in a good way. All the other entries were great too.
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Joke #6
A cowboy walks into a Wild West town on his horse.
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Competition
This is my first ever attempt at a competition, I don't really have many followers so this probably won't get many entries but HEY HO.
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Fact
Ninjas never wore black, only blue on night missions..
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Minion #2
I looked up into the sunlight. It felt unusual, not really pain but nothing pleasurable. I tried to ignore it, and started walking towards what I thought was the main street of the village.
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Joke #5
Why does a chicken lay eggs. Because if she dropped them they would break!.
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Joke #4
A man in a restaurant was being very irritating, constantly asking for the air conditioning to be turned up and down.
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Joke #3
An art collector is walking down the street one day when he sees a cat in a shop window lapping up milk from an antique bowl.
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Joke #2
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people!.
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Joke
Why did the snooker player go to the toilet. TO POT THE BROWN. Bdum-tsh....
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Jimmy Saville Joke
Jimmy Saville is on a plane with two children. The plane is about to crash, but there are only two parachutes. Jimmy: Should we give the parachutes to the children. Pilot: F*** the children!.
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Zombies
I've realised, if there was actually a zombie apocalypse, it would be hard to hide how excited I would be. Not sure if that's normal... Anyone agree/disagree?.
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Swearing: A Philosophy
NOTE: This isn't actually a philosophy. This is just my opinion plus hopefully a few good points. So I was wondering; why are some people so against swearing. It's not like it hurts anyone.
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101 Things That Annoy Me 6-10
6- Moths. They're like ugly butterflies, and they're sort of furry and... Gaaaaaa they're disgusting. 7- People who think dubstep isn't music.
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Why?
Why does your body have to sink while you're alive and float while you're dead?.
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101 Things That Annoy Me 1-5
#1- People who just stand there if you are bleeding (for whatever reason), make no effort to help you whatsoever and just say to their friends " Oh my god, is that guy bleeding?" in a quiet enough...
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Quote
There are two ways of living; treating everything as a miracle, or nothing as a miracle -Albert Einstein.
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Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris has been dead for 10 years, but the reaper is to scared to tell him..
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Minion
I gained consciousness. My first view of the world, my first breath of air, and it was in what seemed to be a damp, dark, and slightly reeking basement.
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