I make rants, jokes, and delicious budget recipes for bison testicles. Also I follow back.
So the other day I was about to get off with some girl I had pulled, and I asked her if she had any condoms. "There's some in the drawer over there," she said.
Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I have Alzheimer's Hey I just met you.
Teacher: Ok class I want to know your names and your favourite hobbies. Child 1: I'm Herp and I like watching bubbles in the bathtub. Child 2: I'm Derp and I like watching bubbles in the bathtub.
A woman has three daughters, and the first one come up to her and says. "Mummy, why am I called Lily?". She replies "Because when you were born, a Lily landed on your head.".
I do not have an OCD over tidiness. I just wanted to clear that up. I've just bought myself a hyena. Finally my jokes will be appreciated.
It's a little known fact, but I have the body of a god. Shame that god is Buddha..
I was going to procrastinate but I can probably just do it tomorrow....
When life gives you lemons, take them. Free shit is cool..
Got bored and started writing, would be good if I had a story to fit around it. Jack walked over the rain-splattered cobbles of the road.
Some people are like clouds. Once they fuck off, it's a beautiful day..
In our house we have this book of Buddhist proverbs, with a new one for each day. Today's proverb was "Don't judge a horse by its saddle," and I found myself wondering what the fuck that meant.
Rank 69 FTW.
If women ran the world there would be no wars, just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other..
"Men are all the same" You would only know if you'd tried them all..
I hate it when people repost things on Facebook that say "OMGZ IF U DON'T LIKE AN SHARE THIS U R EVIL" when they're the ones exploiting war and horrible diseases in order to get likes..
Bad poetry. Oh noetry..
My love life is like a trampoline. I don't have a trampoline..