Alex

My footsteps are so loud. Every day I wake up from the same dream, because I want to do it. I want to end it.
It's 31 degrees outside and I'm going to lay in the snow. Nothing seems to faze me, at all. It's a new year, and school starts back on January 7th.
Just another day, to me. I can hardly keep track, for the fact everyone, and everything leaves me. I love someone. He doesn't know. He's in my dream, night after night.
"Do it, you know you want to." He chants. That hat of his covering his eyes in the dark.
It's just us, dark at night by a river. On the bridge, Ohio bridge. No traffic.
I think he's staring into the water, but I never can tell. It's a haze.
Every time I wake up when my body falls off the bridge after I pull the trigger. I feel so sad when I'm awake.

Because I know it's all a dream.

The blood slugged down the sink in a crimson stream. I run the water with it, so it sounds like the river.
I closed my eyes, and thought of a gun.
I slipped the razor up my arm.
Then for fun, I grabbed thread and a needle to sew it back.
I hated to think of him, and his serenity. He never done anything wrong to me, like the others. They said it, behind my back because they knew they'd get an ass kicking.
I've never been afraid of them, I could just see it on their faces. They say it. Then I hear it.
"Slicer," and other stupid names. They all are said by the same people.
He walks by, and it feels like he looked right through me.
High school life. Though, his sister- we were friends. I am exactly 5 days older than Alexandria. Her birthday is April 4th, and mine March 31st.
Alexandria knewI loved her brother. Maybe.
I didn't know what she thought. I never thought she'd like it, ever.
Classes started back, as they do every time. January 7th was an awkward moment; upon beginning. The news cast, on Channel 5 "News 5" was acting so strangely.
One reporter came on, and sat down in his chair, coffee and papers in hand. "Todd Dykes," was his name.
"News unpleasant this morning folks. A group of strange behaving teens went on a rampage earlier, around 2 AM... Several people were said to be, uhm, 'bitten' in multiple places and rushed to hospitals nearby. Strangely, none of these teens are related in any way."
I was so tuned into the broadcast, I didn't finish getting ready. Waiting impatiently through the commercials, I was so curious when immidiately an "Emergency Broadcast Message" appeared on the screen, interrupting me chewing my finger nails.
"New information arises about the teens who bit several people around the Tri-State earlier. 47 Teens, a much larger number and growing, have bursted into many homes and ripped people apart... Literally.
CDC is on top of this folks. Stay calm, quiet and in your homes. Be careful,"
He began to cry.. And didn't break eye contact with the camera.
"Stay safe. Do not evoke panic, these people are savages. Hide somewhere, call your loved ones,- Good luck..."
The screen turned red and began showing a message from police and CDC. My parents weren't home, because they both leave for work at 11, at night and don't return until 3PM.

I was alone.

I called Alex- and told her to flip on the news. She flipped out and woke up her brother. I heard his voice in the background, and almost giggled.
We all said we'd watch each other on the way to school, so I went ahead and drive over to Alex's house.
My cellphone rang while I was in the car so I put it on speaker, while driving. It was foggy, that day.
"Can you believe this?" She asked me, in some serious disbelief.
"Something's up.. This doesn't happen every day."
I was so distracted, watching the road but my mind was on other things. Ellis was again in the background, speaking over Alex.
Something was in the road. A medium sized shadow, I swerved but didn't miss. In just a few seconds I was thrown out of the mangled mass of metal after my seatbelt was cut.
I rolled onto the road, and had blood in my eyes. Freaking out, I reached for my phone in the car. It was cracked all over the screen which made it harder to tap controls.
Screaming into the mic, I was do dizzy, I couldn't see and it was already foggy.
"I have a GPS on my-"
Alex was fading out.
"We located- On our way- Are- Okay?!"
The phone disconnected. I slipped it into my pocket, just as the rain started. Wiping the blood- I ran to check on who or what I'd hit.
Nothing was there. A trail of watered- down blood led off into the woods, on the side of the road. I looked around, still dazed. Probably with a concussion.
I turned around one more time, and there was the figure. The person.
"What the hell! Are you alright?"
I rushed up to him, and his arms reached out to grab me.
Dodging, I fell to the ground. Before this, I'd taught myself how to control the adrenaline flow through my body.
I crawled backwards, when the person tried to bite me. I punched him in the face, and stood up. Running over to my now piece of crap car, I grabbed a metal bar and knocked him in the head again but he just kept coming.
I shoved the bar through his stomach, and he kept coming.
I grabbed another piece- and shoved it through his skull. Success.
"Through the.. Head," I mumbled, before I collapsed.

Alex arrived eventually, and scraped me off the pavement into her car and drove to a hospital. Mistake. The place was filled with those things. Soldiers- lined the halls and came into the room.
"Was she bitten?!" One asked,
"No... Car accident.." Ellis replied.
I couldn't see anything, and I was numb. But I heard everything. Footsteps, left the room. Two sets.

Silence, overwhelmed us. Then, I noticed, a sort of white noise was filling the room. But it wasn't that, it was the raining of bullets.
Footsteps came toward me and stopped. Wind of their breath crossed my face.
My sleeve raised up, and rough skin traced the stitches I'd forged myself.
He sighed, and it occurred in my mind it was Ellis.
"You shouldn't do that to yourself. Okay? If you can hear me, don't listen to them. To me, you've-"
Screams interrupted him. Alex's, actually.
Bullets flew.
"What?! Why'd you shoot her? That's my sister!"
I was dreaming about that accent of his, that sweet little drawl- when those words registered in my mind.
Alex'd been shot.
"She was bitten man! You can't negotiate with em'! They're dead, all of them."
Ellis started weeping. Then white noise returned. The door closed, and he walked over to me.
Right then, my eyes opened to see him on his knees, bedside. Ellis was crying, but gave me his hand to help me up. We left the room together, just white noise.
He gripped my shirt sleeve, and helped me dodge the creatures, until we reached the car.
He drove us to his house, what he'd shared with Alex and their parents. Ellis carried me gently into his home and his parents corrupted.
"Where's Alexandria..?" They asked over, and over. I was awake, and Ellis sat down on the couch, still holding me. He cried into my already wet hair, and explained.
"Rhea was in an accident and we went to save her.. Made it to the hospital and Alex was bitten- soldier shot her in the hallway.."

They all cried continuously.

He held me tighter, and tighter.

Ellis then grabbed me again and jotted up the stairs to either his or Alex's room. Reaching in my pocket he pulled out my phone and typed int he passcode, which had always been 7276. From there, I'm not sure what he did.
We all had the iPhone 4, which meant the same charger. I was awake, at this point.
"What are you doing.."
It was meant as a question, but came out a statement.
"Just lookin' at pictures of you and Alex." He wiped the tears, from his face.
"Oh shit.. Do you..-?"
"Yeah.. I heard everything from the time I went out, to right now.." I interrupted him.
"So you heard, uhm, everything?"
I liked the emphasis he put on 'everything' in that question.
"Yeah. Uhm-"
"You should change out of those wet clothes. Head off to Alex's room, and come back here."
I said nothing and walked down the hall. I creeped into the room, and brushed my hair. Alex never really minded what I did with her stuff, as long as I gave it back.
Sorting through her dresser, I picked out a pair of fluffy deep purple night clothes, and a blue jeweled tank top. I looked for long sleeved shirts, but was tough out of luck.
In 7th grade, we got each other promise rings.

We promised we'd always be friends.

Forever..

Mine must have slipped of in the crash, but hers was still here. We were the same size in everything. So I kept her ring.
I headed back to Ellis' room, silently.
"Uh. Now what..."
"Lay down. Relax. You're pretty torn up.."
"What is up with you?"
He said nothing... Silence.
"Lay down. I'll uh, explain.."
He left the room, but flooded my thoughts. Why was he being so nice? It was so intriguing.
It seemed strange but I smelled the blankets on his bed, and they smelled just like him, Axe cologne.
Ellis came back, dragging the mattress from Alex's bed into his room, with blankets and pillows. Laying them in the floor, sitting on the bed with me, but on opposite sides.
Ellis came closer, standing me up. He turned my wrist, and moved his finger up and down the stitches like he did in the hospital, ever so gently.
"You shouldn't listen to them. To me, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on and I wanna be all that matters to you.."
I looked at him and smiled. I hated that I loved him.
Our heads came closer, his hat scrunched against my hair as he pushed me against the wall.
Ellis looked into my eyes, and kissed me.

Inside and out, I was burning up.

I hated myself for letting him do that.

But I loved that he was doing that.

By the time this took place, the sun had went down, and the moon was shining through the window, with fiery grace that gave the moment such vibrancy.
I almost blurted it- so close.
'Thank the Lord he's kissing me, and my mouth's shut because if he wasn't I'd say it.' I thought, tasting his lips.
He continued, and moved his hands down over my hips, untying the string around the waist of those pants.
Ellis slipped only the tips of his cold fingers into them- then moved again, tracing my spine with both hands.
He stopped, and a confused look overwhelmed his face.
My heart beat was through the roof, and he walked away, quickly.
I gripped the wall; and thought for a second.

Ellis came back into the room, with a needle, thread, towels, and a pair of scissors. First thing, there was blood in my eye again, and a lot of it. Ellis wiped it away.
"Lay down." He said it firmly. But I did what he said without a question.
He informed me of the gash, I had right above my eye. It was deep, and long. Didn't hurt, I'd been through worse.
The words tripped on my tongue.

I almost said it, again.

'Why not?' my consience said, sparing me a few moments.
He stitched, perfect X's. Cutting the string, it was closed, but going to leave a nasty scar.
The scissors, cut the stitches on my arm, and he pulled them out one by one.
"Hey. Would you do me a favor?"
Ellis asked fairly, and did that half smile I liked.
I didn't reply, but Ellis continued.
"Promise me, you'll never cut yourself like this again.."
"Promi- I swear."
Ellis leaned in for another kissing session, but his parents walked in.
"Ellis, what are you doing..?"
They asked because it was dumbly obvious.
"Tying this stitch off. What are YOU doing..?"
'Nice cover' I thought, and smiled.
Alex's parents, looked at each other and wiped tears away.
"Do we have to put you kids in different rooms?"
We all chuckled a bit, and they toed down the stairs.
"Where were we?" That half smile drove me crazy.
I stood up, and looked at the clock, 1:53 AM.
"Don't you reckon it's time to go to sleep for the night?" I asked, so nervous.
"Sure princess.."
He insisted I took his bed, and himself on the floor. Neither of us slept though.
For a while I was just pretending, and seen Ellis, on his back, arms behind his head.
"What are we.. Now?" I wanted assurance...
"You know,"
"Could you clarify?" I sounded so silly.
"You said it, already"
"I did?"
"We're us." He finally said, what I wanted to hear.
The light from the moon shone in his eyes, as he searched the darkness for mine.
Outside, it started snowing and became quite cold.
I started to shiver, which attracted Ellis.

His breath, was like a warm summer breeze down my neck.

His fingertips were chilled, as they traced the black curls of my hair.

I turned over, to be facing him.

We stared at each other for awhile, and he made the next move. Our legs were tangled, him- only in boxer shorts.
I used my freezing hands to move along his muscular chest. Such definition from what I felt, even seen in the dark.
The warmth just waved off of him, and his lips just the same. So luscious- and irreplaceable. He smelled delectable, and tasted somewhat similar to apples.
I had to stop him, before he got to far. Already, he must have been feeling touchy.

I found it quite funny, because he was 21, and myself 17...

I slowly, gently, stopped kissing back and grabbed my phone. I played Mayday Parade; what was already on my playlist.

Call Me Hopeless, But Not Romantic,

You're Dead Wrong,

I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds,

Everything's An Illusion,

The Last Something That Meant Anything.

Ellis knew every single word, and whispered each and every lyric gently.
I couldn't stand it anymore.
"I love you.. I always have. Alex knew, maybe. But I've always loved you.
He said nothing for a few seconds. then fully, smiled and tightened his grip on me.
"You're not in any danger with me. I promise. I love you, more than anything. And I always will."
We went finally slept, around 4:00, AM.
I had a dream, almost the same dream. Except I finished it, for the first time in almost three years.

Standing on the bridge, I had the gun.
"Do it, you know you want to."
I pull the trigger, and fall off the bridge.
Ellis jumped in, after me.
I didn't make a headshot, it was to the chest.
The current's fast, I'm moving faster than he is by several feet. Perhaps 7 or 10.
The water turns that crimson color, water's high and it rains.
Ellis caught up, but he's out of breath and struggling in the water.
He's saying something,
"I hate myself for making you do this,"
I can't understand him over the water crashing.
"I should've told you the truth! I love you!"
I float away, and Ellis sinks.
"Love.. You.."
I'm awake, eyes open wide Ellis has his grip on my shoulders- pulling me down asking questions.
"What's the matter?"
"I finished the dream."
"What dream?"
"It's.. Us."
He smiled, that half smile. I wiggled out of his arms quickly- and crawled onto his chest, hugging him tightly.
I moved all at once, and Ellis couldn't do one thing about it. The feeling of his heartbeat, made me think of lots of things.
"Uh, I'll be right back."
"Mhm."
After a few minutes, I left his room and went to the kitchen. A revolver layed on the table, staring at me.
I tried to distract myself; and began looking in the fridge.
Vodka..
I poured myself a glass. To the rim.
I took a few gulps- and added some Orange Juice.
The bottle was back where I'd found it but a lot of it was missing.
I sat on the counter for a while. That gun was tempting.

Just because I had him didn't mean I didn't want to die.

It was chanting my name. I wanted it.
"Hey, whatcha' doing?"
Ellis stopped, straight in his tracks as the odor of blunt Vodka hit him.
"You're not..."
"Yep."
"Quit."
I noticed he was still only in his underwear. For some reason, I found it quite funny that they were back, and had rainbow smiley faces on them.
"You're already-"
"Drunk? Probably."
"At least give me some."
I marveled at his body. A tattoo, on his right arm- I couldn't quite see the details. As always, his hat- blue, with white writing. "Bull Shifters."
Soon, my consience started telling me to stop. But by then, we were laying on the couch, nearly out of it.