Opuss Update
Update for Opuss on App store- to help with connection issues. Fingers crossed &!.
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Stenataar
A wicked look at life......
130
Stories
142
Followers
Stories by @Stenataar (130)
Conceptual Art 2
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Conceptual Art
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Opuss
I started using Opuss a few weeks ago. It seemed like fun; something to do. A chance to share ideas and thoughts with folk that otherwise I would ignore in the street.
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Limerick
I've drawn a line in the sand with a stick, This rhyme will be structured and purposefully quick. This line is truncated So with this one it is mated, And I've called the whole thing limerick..
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Spam
I'm pink, Therefore I'm Spam!.
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Happiness Is...
.....a meerkat standing on one leg watching a Turkish belly dancer singing "Happy Birthday" to a whelk. Or is that just me?.
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My Ears
I've got nothing to say, But say it I will, I'm sure you'll listen, You've got time to kill. I'm not suicidal, Or split from my wife, I'm actually quite happy, And content with my life.
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Impossible?
Difficult I can do today. The impossible may take a little longer!.
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Company Strategy
Overpaid people pretending to know what they are doing!.
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Fish
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give him a rod and he will bore you for weeks!.
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Reality
"Reality" is like a computer simulation game but a little more realistic and with real trophies..
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A Poem
A poem should rhyme, Or should it not. The ones that don't Are not easily got. If it has rhythm, It is easy to say. It rattles along in a most pleasing way.
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Star Wars Day!
May the 4th be with you!.
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Washing Hands
A study in the BMJ has concluded that washing hands reduces the spread of infection. They needed a study........?.
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China Buys Weetabix
If the Chinese start eating Weetabix for breakfast then god help us. Let's hope they don't try eating three!.
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Jesus Loves You
Words you prefer to hear in church rather than a Mexican gaol!.
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Raining
It's raining cats and dogs today. I just got out of my car and stepped into a poodle!.
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fun.
In the UK we would refer to this US indie pop group as "fun full stop". Or more likely just "fun." In the US they are called "fun period". Now tell me ladies how many times have you had one of them?.
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Respect
Respect me for what I have tried to do, not for what I have failed to do..
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Dinner Table Talk
Listen to you; you're such a deipnosophist!.
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Abbreviation
Why is that such a long word?.
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Proof Reader Wanted
A Proof Reader is required to check that speling is correct and that no words missed out. Please apply to ..........
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Telepath Wanted
You know where to apply..
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Your Mother
Your mother is so working class she drinks her tea from a mug!.
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Drought & Flood
In southern England we have an official drought with hosepipe ban. We also have several flood warnings in place. Only in England!!.
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English Yo Mama Joke!
Your mother is so overweight that she needs a Sat Nav to locate her bottom!.
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Knock Knock
Knock knock Who's there. Interrupting Sheep Interrupting She.......... Baaaaa.
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Sheep Trick
"I want ewe to want me".
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Hedgehogs!
Why can't they just share the hedge?.
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Sheep Joke
A sheep goes into a baa. The Baaman asks "what are ewe doing in here?" The sheep says " Please insert appropriate punch line into comments..
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Text Love
"u k?" "k u?" "k x" "x" "<3" "<3 :D x" ":D x".
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Relationships
Relationships are all about give and take. He does all the giving and she does all the taking!.
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Attention Span
My attention span is so short that I never .....
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Meme!
Keep Calm and Opuss.
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Error!
Giving up on Opuss tonight. Every time I try to like something or make a comment I get an error message. Needs to be sorted out or I think we may drift apart (sigh)..
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Free Beer!
Follow me for daily fun. The free beer is a lie.....
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Predictive Text
Predictive text can cause all sorts of potatoes. The number of times I have been trying a stork and have ended up with complete and udder gibberish..
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Uncomfortable Night
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping tablet and a laxative on the same night!.
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Beat Them!
"If you can't beat them, join them" Or, better yet "beat them", as they will be expecting you to "join them" and now you have the element of surprise!.
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Naturism?
Me: What are you doing this weekend. Mum: Me and your Dad are going on a naturist trip with your Aunty Beryl and her new bloke. Me: A naturist trip. (slight panic). Where's that then.
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The UK
When I fill in an online form which asks for "country", I am often forced to put "United Kingdom". But the UK isn't a country. It is a union of 4 countries. The country I live in is England!.
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George & The Dragon
St George was a Christian in the Roman army at a time when it wasn't really very fashionable. He was therefore tortured in order to make him renounce his faith.
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St George
He was born in Turkey; his mother was Palestinian. He's so multicultural we have to share him with Lithuania, Portugal, Germany, Greece, Georgia, Moscow, Istanbul, Beirut - and Palestine itself.
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St George
Happy St. George's Day. But how am I supposed to celebrate/recognise it. The national flag or any celebration of Englishness seems to have been hijacked by the far right :(.
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Stupid Hoe?
Why is Nicki Minaj rapping about a garden implement of limited intelligence?.
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Homerphobic
Sorry people but I think I may be homerphobic. Although, Marge, Bart, Lisa & Maggie don't bother me so much. D'oh!.
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Speech Impediments..
.....wule OK!.
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Thank God....
.....for Atheists.
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Brickwall
Did you know that "Banging you head against a brick wall" burns up to 180 calories per hour?.
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Catfish
What's the difference between a Banker and a Catfish. One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish..
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Ambivalent?
Well yes and no.....
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Text Message
Me: got 94% in exam. Mum: wtf well done Me: do you know what wtf means. Mum: with true feeling?!. Bless!.
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No Likey
Post deletey.....
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A Friend In Need
...is a friend worth avoiding!.
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Untie!
Dyslexics of the world, untie!.
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Word Game
Did you know that 'Gullible me' is a perfect anagram of 'blonde girl'.
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Bra
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.....
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Dogs
Roses are black, Violets are black, I am a dog, And cannot see colour..
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Advice For Women
Men only think of two things: sex and food. If you are not having sex right now you had better go out and make him a sandwich pretty quick!.
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Love
If you feel that you are doing all the chasing and he never tells you that he loves you, take it that he doesn't and move on with your life. -Stenataar 2012.
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Angels
Angels come in many different guises. -Stenataar 2012.
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Sewage
I was on the phone the other day to my local sewage company. They were full of shit and the person I was talking to was definitely taking the piss..
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Porn
Keep Porn off Opuss. And all those other chess pieces!.
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17 And Dangerous
My daughter is 17 today and starts DRIVING ON THE ROADS. If you live in the Midlands area be extra vigilant today!.
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Rhetorical?
Why do people ask rhetorical questions?.
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Education
I can sum up the problem with today's education in one simple sentence: first off, teacher's dont spend enough time making sure that there students punctuation is correct and secondly that they're...
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No Posts Today
No posts today - too busy at work. Apart from this one of course!.
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Random
Some of my posts are so random I am not sure I fully appreciate them!.
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Statistics
34.6% of statistics are made up on the spot..
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Human
Neanderthal = Human 0.1 Beta Homo Erectus = Human 1.0 Modern Man = Human 1.0.1 Boris Johnson = Human 0.0.1 Apha.
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Windows 8
"Failure is not an option" It's already installed with Windows 8.
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Fog, Harry, Haemaroid?
1. Water droplets suspended in the atmosphere 2. Second son of Charles & Diana 3. Swollen veins in anus.
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Research
To steal ideas from someone is theft, but to steal from many is research..
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Success
If at first you don't succeed... ...join the North Korean Space Agency!.
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Feelings
The last thing I want to do is hurt the feelings of others on Opuss. However, it's still on the list!.
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New Car Please!
I went to church and prayed to God to give me a new car. The priest was surprised to see me there as I am not a regular church goer.
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DIY Joke
What is black and white and red all over. Choose a number between 1 and 3 and then go to next page where your bespoke answer awaits.
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B4 U Die
Three things to do before you die: 1. Be born 2. Stay alive 3. Pass on your genes.
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Binary Code
11 things to remember in binary: 1. Binary is Base 2 10. Only 0s and 1s are used 11. 0=off and 1=on.
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Three Things!
There are three things that really annoy me: 1. People who drop litter 2. Being kept in suspense 3. And .......
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Snog, Bury, Avoid?
1. Saddam Hussein 2. Muammar Gaddafi 3. Bashar al-Assad.
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Flattery
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." There seems to be a lot of flattery going on at the moment within Opuss!.
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Mistakes
It's OK to make mistakes; that's how we learn. What's really annoying is people who keep making the same mistake over and over again. You know who you is......
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Spring Clean
It's good to keep things tidy. Each day I go through my old Opuss posts and the ones that I feel are weak or have few "likes" get deleted. I guess this one won't last long.....
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Liars & Cheats
What's the difference between a bank and a prison. One is full of liars and cheats and the other is full of prisoners..
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I <3 Opuss*
I like read all things bean riten on Opuss an find it sooooo funny at how sum of dem are riten. I now sum are cuz they is not English but sum I fink is just lazy or not very clever init!.
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Oyster
If.. "the world is your oyster".. ..then you are the "Pearl" -Stenataar 2012.
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Shepherd's Pie
A little disappointed to find out that my Shepherd's pie is a lie. Apparently it just has lamb in it!.
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Outside The Box
Everyone thinks "Outside The Box" these days. Why not be different and think "Inside The Box"?.
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Friday 13th
It's Friday 13th today. I hope nothing bad....... Hello, who is that. Is that you Jason. What are you doing. No. Arrrgggghhhhh...............
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Taking Part
The only people who say "it's the taking part that counts" are the people who didn't win!.
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The Small Print
Don't you just hate it when companies put all sorts of ridiculous things in their Terms & Conditions.
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Opussi
So what is the plural of Opuss?.
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Poo!
Life can often be poo. At times you're the pigeon, But mostly the statue!.
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Tense
I went to the doctors the other day and said that I felt feeling unwell. He said that I was obviously "two tense"..
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Magnetism
Now I find that kind of attractive......
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LMFAO
Don't you just hate it when your ass just falls off..... - mikka1999.
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Schizophrenia
I used to think I had schizophrenia, but now I'm in two minds....
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Artificial Intelligence
While the search for artificial intelligence continues, natural stupidity still rules..
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