Moving On
Me: "Mom... Dad.. I decided to live on my own from now on." Them: "Ok, cool." Me: "Your luggage is outside.".
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Supertecnoboff
I'm a computer programmer and YouTube Partner. I make applications for the Mac and iOS platform.
69
Stories
29
Followers
Stories by @Supertecnoboff (69)
Silence
There was a survey on why men liked blowjobs - 5% liked the look, 15% liked the feel and the other 80% liked the silence!.
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Trilogy
Just finished reading the fifth book in the "learning to count" trilogy..
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12 words
Lazy
10 reasons why men are lazy: 1)....
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Fan
Wind turbines. I'm a big fan..
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6 words
Exaggerations
Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year..
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Donkey
I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?" I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off.".
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Men Vs Women
Statistics say women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms for the relationship. Men say, "Big fucking deal, try faking a relationship just for the shag!".
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Insect
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
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56 words
Olympics 2012 Opening Ceremony
Wow the Olympics 2012 Opening Ceremony was amazing!!. Really enjoyed it :) #2012Olympics #olympicceremony #UK.
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Water Fight
Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids. I won. No one's a match for me and my kettle..
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Beyonce
Beyonce- who runs the world. Girls. Ah that's why all the major world leaders are women then..
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Government
What's the difference between the government and organised crime. One is organised..
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Alistair Darling
If Alistair Darling wants to make some popular cuts, may I suggest his throat and wrists?.
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16 words
Referendum
I'm voting 'yes' in the referendum on the alternative vote. And my second preference is 'no'..
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David Cameron
I don't know why David Cameron is so set on raising student fees; the last thing he tried to raise died at age six..
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Laptop Speakers
Laptop Speakers: Too quiet for music, too loud for porn..
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Reading
My son came home from school looking all excited. "I got a B on my reading test," he told me. "That's a fucking D," I replied..
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Results
Teenagers will be collecting their A-level results today, with pass rates in Maths expected to top 97%. The other 8% Failed.
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Hitler
Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he did kill Hitler..
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Buffering
I was having sex the other day, banging away, when suddenly I stopped mid-thrust and stood really still. "What are you doing?" "Something I learnt from online porn. It's called 'buffering'.".
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Sex
Duct tape is silver... Silence is golden..
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Relationship
I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine..
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Girlfriend
My girlfriend has just left me for a guy from Norfolk. She says he's better at foreplay. To be fair, I can't compete, he has 8 fingers on each hand..
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Nightclub
Some cunt in a nightclub came up to me and said, "I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha." I replied, "20 x 0 = 0." That shut the fucker up..
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Married Couple
Husband and wife... BEFORE MARRIAGE: Husband - Aaah. ...At last. I can hardly wait. Wife - Do you want me to leave. Husband - No. Don't even think about it. Wife - Do you love me. Husband - Of...
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105 words
Score
This joke is like a rapist. It's going to score whether you like it or not..
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Note
Note to self: ♪ Lol :).
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Midget
My girlfriend left me for a midget the other day. This broke my heart - I couldn't believe she would stoop so low..
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Economy Class
You know when you go on a economy class flight by yourself to some where like America and you happen to be sitting between two fat people.
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Touchscreen
A manual for a touchscreen device simply consists of saying: "Finger Tips"..
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Porn Star
My girlfriend is a porn star. She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out..
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Screensaver
You know it was a good shit when you come back and your screensaver is on..
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Harry Potter
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?.
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Tea
Tea is for mugs..
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Radio 1
Radio 1 have announced they are trying out a new format on their breakfast show from September. They're actually going to play some music..
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24 words
Dinosaurs
After years of research, Irish scientists have announced why the dinosaurs went extinct. It's because they all died..
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Fractions
Apparently 5/3rds of people are shit at fractions..
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Gordon Brown
Knock knock ...... Who's there . ...... David ...... David Who . ...... Gordon open the fucking door and get out of my house..
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David Cameron on Facebook: "We're announcing drastic cuts to the welfare state". Margaret Thatcher likes this..
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Women
Grey, White, Black, Dark Grey, Light Grey, Medium Gray, Dark Medium Gray, Light Medium Grey, Dim Grey, Dark Grey, Davy's Grey, Ash Grey, Fag Ash Grey, Battleship Grey, Gainsboro, Charcoal, Dark...
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109 words
School Teacher
The short-sighted English teacher calls out,"You there at the back. Recite the poem I asked you all to learn!" "I can't do that." "May I ask what you were doing last night?" says the teacher.
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75 words
TV
If you ever buy a large TV, remember to put the box in your neighbour's dustbin... So they get robbed and not you..
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23 words
Spider
I said to my girlfriend, "Please get me a newspaper." "Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad." That spider never knew what fucking hit it..
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28 words
Never Liked The Bus
When two big fat people come and sit right next to you and you can't move. It's so frustrating!!. Or on the plane. If you fly economy never fly on your own. Fly with a friend.
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Moving On
If your trying to move on from something bad which happened in your life then it's best to get rid of any of your positions which might remind you of the glumly past.
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43 words
Funny Job Interview
When Derek was asked whether or not he had any issues which would stop him becoming a pilot he said: "Fear or Flying"..
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Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
I suffer from Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. Fear or long words :D.
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Differences
There's a difference between 'reducing' and 'not giving'. When Amazon UK were interrogated about there tax pay out, it was found out that they managed to reduce it slightly from £35 Million to...
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37 words
Being "Wierd"
I'm not weird, I'm imagining and being more creative than the average joe..
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Special
I'm not stupid, I'm special..
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Being Clever
It's funny but you can make yourself look super SMART in front of someone else by knowing just a ting but more about a certain topic or subject than they know.
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Being "Cool"
If you believe in the idea of being "cool" then try this: Wear a really smart an stylish suit (undo the top two buttons - and don't wear a tie), put some sunglasses on and walk into a bar at around...
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57 words
Stupid
Nobody is stupid. It's just what we know and our attitude to learning new things which separates us and makes some people look more clever than others..
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Cats Are Lazy
We all know cats have 9 lives. They spend their first 8 lives sitting around doing nothing and on their last life they start to panic and get a move for once in their lives..
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The meaning of "Social"?
These days people thinking of socialising as going on Facebook and commenting on each others status updates.
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Job - the EASY way
If you don't like your job you DON'T quit your job. No, instead you go in everyday and do a very half assed job. - Homer Simpson.
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Easier Said Than Done
Before you criticise other people for doing something wrong, why don't you have a go at it yourself. You may start to understand why actions speak louder than words..
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Powerful People In The World
It's funny but only now people have just caught onto the idea of a pattern which is "emerging". UK, USA, Israel. Some Jews, a lot of Jews, ALL Jews.
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Sunshine
Oh what a beautiful day. Plenty of sun and then all of a sudden someone has to ruin it by being a complete d*ckhead. I wish some people could be less annoying..
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Apple
An apple a day, keeps the doctor away..
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Asshole Drivers
Driving like an asshole only ever impresses other assholes..
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Simple Little Tweets
- Morning World. - #FF @username is awesome Driving like an asshole only ever impresses other assholes. #Asshole - Why is #name trending again.
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Advice: Clever Thinking
We all make mistakes from time to time. Normal people will learn from their own mistakes, clever people will learn from their own mistakes and mistakes other people have made.
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iOS App Development
For those of you interested in learning about how to make an app, you need to check out my YouTube channel. It has a rich library of easy to follow Xcode tutorials which help you learn app...
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Life Advice
Do you sometimes wish you were a bit taller or better looking. Do you worry about the fact that your not "cool" or not seen as a well respected person.
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153 words
Steve Jobs Quote
Stay foolish, Stay hungry..
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Life Advice
If you moan a lot or criticise other people a lot, take a step back and think about yourself. Get your own life in order before you criticise or constantly moan about other people..
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Making A Simple Chocolate Cake
People always go on about how hard it is to make chocolate cake. But to be honest it is really really easy. All you need is some sugar, chocolate powder, milk, baking powder, 2 eggs and a spoon.
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