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COACH: We have a great team this year. So far we have had no losses, no draws and no goals scored against us. REPORTER: How many games have you played. COACH: The first one is next Sunday.
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger.
Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water. Johny: H I J K L M N O. Teacher: What are you talking about??. Johny:Yesterday you told me it is H to O!!!.
“Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.”.
“Women are made to be loved, not understood.” -OSCAR WILDE.
After an emotional hug, girl whispers to boy: "If you hug me once more like that, I will be yours forever" Boy: "THANKS FOR THE WARNING!".
Q: What did a blind boy's parent's do to punish him. A: Rearranged the furniture.
Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!.
Easy is to get a place is someone's address book. Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart. Easy is to judge the mistakes of others.
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away.
Jack: "My brother was sick and went to the doctor." John: "Is he feeling better now?" Jack: "No, he has a broken arm." John: "How did he break it?" Jack: "Well, the doctor gave him a...
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs...
Mum, are the Smiths very poor people. I don't think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask. Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin.
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.' He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his...
In USA, they invented a machine that can catch thieves.. In USA it caught 20 thieves in day.. In UK 50 thieves in 10 hours... In Germany 80 thieves in 6 hours... In Sudan 200 thieves in 1 hour...
According to a recent article I just read on nutrition, they said eating right doesn't have to be complicated. Nutritionists say there is a simple way to tell if you're eating right. Colors.
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
Smile in front of those who really hate you and are jealous from you, it kills them....
A house is made of bricks and beams; a home is made of love and dreams.
True love doesn't have a happy ending, it doesn't even have an ending.
Value your breathe, someone just took his last....
Hell is empty and and all the devils are here..
I try to tell people that for every bad thing that happens, something good can come of it. You just have to believe in yourself. Life has its ups and downs and you just have to keep going.
Love is the key that opens the gate of happiness.