8 May 2012
I've been so lucky to have seen you these last two days. And I do feel such a fool when you're around. I know it's nothing but a stupid crush, but it still has such a hold over me. It frightens me to look at you, I swear you make me feel so exposed. Like you can see past the sham of this relationship with him. And for a moment fear paralyses me. How can I pretend that everything is ok when I know you see me so clearly? This clumsy mask I've clung to just falls to pieces around you. Can you feel me begging you with my eyes not to expose me for the liar I truly am? Because when I look at you, no one else exists for me. I wish I weren't such a coward.
And I wish, more than anything, that it's you kissing me, touching me and not this person I've forced myself to tolerate. His touch, his voice, his embrace. It makes my stomach turn. But even a brush of your lips on my cheeks as you greet me makes my skin tingle in pleasure, sets my heart racing in a way it hadn't done in a long time, and worse of all, fills me with an uncontrollable desire for you. Have you ever felt like this about me? I brood on this all the time. Not knowing is killing me yet I'm too much of a craven to tell you to your face, let alone send this to you.
Love Letters To No One (2) • Opuss № I