15 April 2012
Pray deep, big prayers that have plenty of suction and you will come up with powerful and vital faith. - Norman Vincent Peale
There is no right or wrong way to pray. So why did I feel so uncomfortable when my youth ministry coordinator asked me to lead the 4-7 year olds prayer out loud? Yes - out loud! In front of children! And I'm 30 years old! Fully Christian that exact length of time. This simple request made me think differently about my individual prayer needs.
Because prayer at some point becomes private for each of us. A confidential psychological/cardiovascular meeting of two spirits: human and the higher power. In my case - God.
Yes, I may pray out loud in mass/service or prior to consuming a meal... But this was different. I am no minister, nor church elder, or leader. Just a lamb in the flock. I made the prayer short and sweet. Remember the children are between the ages of 4 and 7. I came out of it with a full bodied southern 'Amen,' and all their cherubic faces went on un-phased.
But when I am first starting my day or retiring for the evening... Even now more so, praying at random, I pray deep dark prayers that explore all the places in my soul I have avoided or neglected the past 10 years.
I lost my way. I had lost my faith. And now, just recently, and I mean recent, like 120 days ago, something happened - I sought my God out. To grill him intensely, learn of his pain, sharing my own, and unearthing my soul with his gift of desperation.
My prayers are deep and dark right now because I am still processing all the healing I need and want. I have come to realize that he has heard every prayer... Even those bargaining ones I said out loud in more of a condemning tone pre-dating the past 4 months.
Now, more so than ever, when I'm on my knees begging for his grace and strength in my shortcomings or weaknesses, I praise him for this new gift in freedom to relinquish it all over to him, my God and higher power! And even when my eyes are wide open and I'm in prayer, my love for God grows and I can feel his work being done around me. I can feel his love surrounding me because I love him. This love is big and has made my own heart blossom. I feel God's love. How fortunate to be able to hear him in my life now. I am glad I didn't wait any longer to stumble in my clumsy nature or I may have been lucked out completely.
Whether the audience be 4-7, 19, 30, 37, 54, or 76 years old - Prayer has no constraints. Our God is an Equal Opportunity Employer. We are all equal and given his favor, grace, and strength equally - if we pray those deep dark full of suction prayers Mr. Peale speaks of... God will hear them all. He will package the answers in various guises so I have to make sure to be conscious in listening and watching for his methods. He's a tricky dude with me for sure. I see him in the faces and voices of my peers, the exchange between child and parent, and the natural beauty around me... He has even shown his answer in the form of a companion to my heart.
Matthew 6: 5-6
Thank you God for allowing me this moment to pray openly.
Big Heart, Big Smile, Big Love
-Steph
Deep Dark Prayers • Opuss № I