23 December 2012
The buzz today is all about Mr. Santa Claus, who has vanished, last seen chasing a Coca Cola truck with his picture on it. When the truck driver saw what was happening, he started to swerve in attempt to lose the strange man following him. Aparently, it worked.
We have caught up with Santa's wife, Mrs. Claus, and asked her what she thought about this tragic experience. "It's dreadful," she cried. "The elves have been working 24/7 all year, and now that might all be for nothing. They are all so heartbroken about Santa." However, when we went to check on what the elves thought about it, they were all partying and drinking whiskey. One certain elf was having a little too much fun with an aristobrat, so we left that party.
Because so many kids are devasted about Santa Claus vanishing, we interviewed some children in the small town of Fjord. "I want presents!" one very pimp girl sassed. Another girl didn't even answer us; she just swatted at a pesky fly.
Many adults seem to be happy about St. Nick's disappearing act. "It will teach kids that Christmas isn't all about presents and reindeer. It's about love, hope, and joy. Maybe this Santa thing is a blessing in disguise." One mother commented while sitting on the hood of a truck.
Will Santa return in time for Christmas? We'll keep you updated by the hour on chanel 12. It may be up to us to save Christmas.
St. Nick: A Little too Quick? • Opuss № I