10 January 2013
(This Christmas I went to read something from my own writing to my five year old granddaughter. Regrettably, I had nothing like a bed time story and so read Jack & The Bean Stork etc. Anyway, I've written this for next time, with a view to being read in an animated way, to encourage some interaction... I may change it and have some pictures in my mind to illustrate it too... Hmmm? Let's see if she likes it first eh?)
This is just a story but who am I to say it isn't true?
Time was just beginning, when all good things lasted longer. The Sun was bigger and brighter. It shone all day and the rain brought multicolour rainbows home. Animals and insects were friends. Every living thing was kind and wanting only happiness.
Food was mainly candy and there was plenty of jam. Chocolate too. Lots of it. All the food had to be eaten all the time, otherwise there would be too much. The smells were spectacular.
Do you know how peanut butter and strawberry jam tastes?
Smothered in creamy milk chocolate, touched by an orangey frosting with a zip-zap-zing?
Follow that with minty crisp dynamite dust over your favourite squishy-wishy marshmallows and you'll know what I mean.
Can you imagine these flavours on their own? Can you taste them all together? Can you eat all this, all the time?
Would you want to burp?
Everyone, even dung beetles and worthogs were merry and danced all day and all night, being careful not to tread on each other.
Every living thing wanted to burp but it was impossible. Never before had there been a burp. Yes of course questions were asked. There had been many quests and competitions to find a burp but not a single burp could be found.
The whole world was bursting at the seams and yet absolutely burpless. And because everyone wanted to burp, they all laughed instead. Everywhere you looked, there were realms of laughter. The whole world was ready to burst, thoroughly burpless and laughing about it.
Can you hear when you laugh?
Everyone laughed, all of the time. Awake they ate and laughed, asleep they dreamt of eating and laughing. And those who snored were the loudest. Nothing in the world, day or night, could escape all the eating and laughing, nothing at all. Not yet anyway!
Waggles ate and laughed and could not stop. He is a happy-go-lucky goblin from under the turned over flower pots at the back of the garden. When it rained, you could see the pots shudder with laughter as the drops of water glanced off in every direction.
Larry the spider's web would tug with laughter and even Sadie Slug danced a merry slither, chuckling to herself as she swallowed in a squelchy-welchy way. She is beautiful and has a pink colour about her which she protects from the Sun and rain with a speckled pink and green parasol. Once, she laughed so much that she swung her parasol into the air and took off. Luckily, Waggles was able to catch her and pull her back down to earth. They have been the closest of friends ever since.
Larry ran away from home when his family wanted him to pursue mathematics. He found himself sharing the same turned over flower pots with Waggles and Sadie, who found his web entertaining and informative. If it were not for all the eating and laughing, he would have taken up tap dancing. He wishes he had a couple more legs to lighten the load a little, as if eight isn't enough.
When Waggles and Sadie slept, Larry would get busy with a new web. Each morning, both Waggles and Sadie had to guess the secret message hidden within its pattern. Sometimes it would be the face of one of their many friends. Sometimes, a picture of what they could eat. And sometimes, a map of the universe, pointing the way to all the other planets we could live on, something all spiders instinctively know. Sadie always guessed right but Waggles never seemed to get the hang of this game.
Waggles was getting older and fatter every day. He wanted a rest, a chance to relax but we all know happy-go-lucky goblins cannot do this. They can grunt, they can wobble-bobble and they can jiggle when they giggle. To be still? No chance! Not in a million years!
This is how it was and had been ever since the very beginning, which seemed a long time ago but of course it wasn't. These were the best of times, there were no bad times, only incredibly good times.
It must have been one Tuesday morning. Yes because Monday evening was the night before. Waggles had arranged to meet with all the other happy-go-lucky goblins from the turned over flower pots in every other garden. They met in an enormous field as the sun came up and dawned hundreds of rainbows upon them. Thousands of happy-go-lucky goblins were eating and laughing. They were all together, grunting, wobbling-bobbling, jiggling and a giggling. It was like a dancing song, over and over again.
Mmmunch, mmmunch, mmmunch, Grrrunt! Grrrunt! Grrrunt! Wobble-bobble, wobble-bobble, wobble-bobble, Jiggly, giggly, jiggly and a giggly
And again! Mmmunch, mmmunch, mmmunch, Grrrunt! Grrrunt! Grrrunt! Wobble-bobble, wobble-bobble, wobble-bobble, Jiggly, giggly, jiggly and a giggly
This continued until about midday when Waggles stood up as tall as he could be, using a turned over flower pot to make him taller. For the first time in known history, all the other happy-go-lucky goblins went quiet, just for a moment as Waggles shouted out for all to hear; "Today IS my Burpday!!!" Waggles fell off his turned over flower pot for laughing.
Everyone knew Waggles was joking because, no matter how much he or anyone else needed to burp, they all knew it could never be. And so all the other happy-go-lucky goblins roared with laughter and carried on with the jam, peanut butter, creamy milk chocolate, orangey frosting with a zip-zap-zing, along with minty crisp dynamite dust over squishy-wishy marshmallows.
And again! Mmmunch, mmmunch, mmmunch, Grrrunt! Grrrunt! Grrrunt! Wobble-bobble, wobble-bobble, wobble-bobble, Jiggly, giggly, jiggly and a giggly
As the sun started to settle for the evening, Waggles perked up once more and all went quiet yet again. He wanted to shout out to all his friends but this turned over flower pot shifted to the left. Then to the right. And then left once more. This took him off guard. He looked worried. None of the other happy-go-lucky goblins moved as they watched, all together silent.
Something was happening. What could it be?
There were small tremors, a little vibration between the toes. His belly rumbled as it churned, like a fat worthog rolling down a hill, grumbling for the sake of it. Trees and leaves began to shake, whilst roots tightened their deepening grip. The gentle breeze became blustery, much more windy. All the flying insects and birds immediately dropped from the sky and emergency landed, looking around defensively. And fish jumped from the water to see what was happening.
Waggles sensed an awkwardness in his throat, for the first time he simply could not speak. He gestured and moved his lips. He was ready to burst his oversized fat belly and, as he opened his mouth, the loudest and longest noise you could ever imagine, without so much as a please or thank you, took everything by surprise. Waggles burped the first, the longest and the very loudest burp. It was awesome!!!
Everything shook before being stunned still, as though time had stopped.
Through the silence, Boggles, another happy-go-lucky goblin burped. Then Goggles, Gaspers and Wiggles, one after the other. Like a Mexican wave, everyone and everything burped. And by Wednesday morning, the whole wide world had burped.
What a relief! Waggles saved everything from bursting into oblivion. What a mess that would have been. He and his friends were famous, bells rang and songs were sung.
Did the laughing ever stop? No! Everyone continued to eat, laugh and of course burp, not to mention what happened when they bent over but that's another, much longer story. And when Larry the spider put this on his now world-wide web, even Waggles could guess the answer.
Today, many years later, if you see any over turned flower pots in the garden, please stop and listen. See if you hear any munching, grunting, wobbling-bobbling, jiggling and a giggling? See if you can hear any burping? This'll be Waggles or one of his friends, so always say hello with a smile.
Whenever you burp, thank your happy-go-lucky goblins that you can. And, if you hear the laughter, keep it in your heart for when the Sun shines and the rain plays pitter patter.
The end.
Copyright Ⓒ 2013 Christopher Patrick Kirk all rights reserved
Waggles And The Burp • Opuss № I