bellamaple
I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose..
If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat..
"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand"
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."- Oprah Winfrey
“Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.”
“A celebrity is someone who works hard all their life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.” - Fred Allen
“Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?”
“The only true mystery in life is why kamikaze pilots wore helmets” - Al McGuire
I love pandas, they're not racist They're black, white and asian!
"Whoever put the B in subtle deserves a pat on the back"
If thin people go skinny dipping? What do fat people do? The... Chunky Dunk?
"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink." Joe E Lewis
"Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug"
"Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them because I know how hard life is for the visually impaired."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night" Steve Martin
“I always take life with a pinch of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.”
“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” - Jack Nicholson
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” - Jack Handey
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” - Brian Gerald O’Driscoll
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go” - Oscar Wilde
"She's as nutty as squirrel poo" J.K Rowling
"Always accept who you truly are inside.. Unless you're a serial killer" Ellen Degeneres 2007
A warm evening. Close bodies in the compact stadium. Multitudes under the awe of the country singer crooning his past hits. Cold beer swirling in sponsor screened plastic cups. The cement under my feet has warmed. The arena seats have beco…
Hello, Hi, That was mean, Bye.
Roses are red My name is Dave This poem makes no sense Microwave