11 April 2012
Fashion is so close in revealing a person's inner feelings and everybody seems to hate to lay claim to vanity so people tend to push it away. It's really too close to the quick of the soul. Stella Blum
I will be the first one to turn to you and tell you that I am not vain.
My makeup bag consists of foundation and mascara. My bathroom cupboard contains just the bare essentials to stop me from looking like Guy the Gorilla (London zoo) and my wardrobe is littered with jeans, vest tops, hoodies and Wellington boots... How wonderfully sexy.
Be that as it may, I'd we are to take the definition of vanity as an excessive pride in, or admiration of ones own appearance, then are we not all guilty of it on some level?
I may not have the most fashionable of clothes, or a cosmetics bag full of designer brands. My hair is a "normal" colour and style and I could never be mistaken for a screen siren, but I do take not of my appearance. I just use it in a different way.
In some ways, having Bipolar is a lot like having Schizophrenia or multiple personalities. I have 3. There is Jane, Emma and Stacey.
Jane is my detached, lethargic, irksome, difficult counterpart. She lingers in the depths of my mind and appears when I am lonely, tired, depressed. She is dull. She dresses down. Jeans and a hoody. No make up. She has limp greasy hair, doesn't wash as its more important to hide under the duvet and sleep.
Stacey is the polar opposite. She dresses up. Her confidence is high. Her make up and dress sense are perfect. She is a force to be reckoned with and everybody wants to be her friend. She gets her hair done and her nails manicured. She is beautiful.
I am vain. I make an unconscious decision every morning as to which personality I am on that specific day. My appearance will dictate how you respond to me. It will present to you my attitude for the day and will either warn you off or invite you in.
Each one wants to be loved in the same way. So next time you see Jane, ask her how she is, for fashion/vanity is after all our number one way of expressing ourselves whether or not we realise it.
Vanity • Opuss № I