1 January 2013
Hello again! I have just realised how much I have been missing Opuss over these few days or months (I'm not sure how long) that I've been absent. Anywho, I'm back, with with a new story as well! Below is an extract of the start, and I hope you enjoy it!! :) Oh, and one last thing, I hope you all have a very happy new year!!! :)
Mouse.
Taking over the world was never going to be easy.
Especially if you’re a three foot high ginger mouse with social issues and a rather… interesting fashion sense.
Say what you wish, but this book is definitely not crazy.
Weird, yes, but not crazy.
To be honest, I’d rather we all just left crazy to the professionals.
But who are they, I hear you cry?
Oh, you’ll find out soon enough…
Chapter one. (Or the start of it at least.)
“Checkmate!”
“Checkmate? Last time I looked, we were playing Snakes and Ladders. ”
“Yes. Definitely checkmate. See? Even Mr Geoffrey thinks so.”
“Are you sure?”
“Why? Mr Geoffrey is a reputable source, and ultimate chess master of everywhere, 2012.”
“Erm… Mr Geoffrey is a yogurt pot.”
“Oh my God! Mr Geoffrey! Mr Geoffrey… How… How could you have lied to me all this time!?”
Mr Geoffrey sat, quite still, and then after some amount of contemplation, seemed to turn around to face the wall and sigh gently. Seconds later, loud squeak-like sobs could be heard echoing throughout the complex of cells and common rooms. These sobs were followed by an angry scream of “We’re so over Mr Geoffrey! Over!”, and a gentle thud as Mr Geoffrey found himself being flung from a window of the building, only to land in a pile of rotting potato peelings.
* * *
Meanwhile, outside the front door of ‘Mrs Mittlewaite’s home and boarding school for magically challenged new-borns, babies, toddlers, young children, older children, teenagers, young adults, adults, older adults, senior citizens and ghosts back from the dead’, a woman stood reading the sign that took up the majority of the front of the building. The home itself was actually rather small, and the builders had just made the front wall very big, in order to accommodate the sign in question. Here, you see, being extremely specific was vital, otherwise people tended to shriek a lot and then run away wildly to hide in giant bunkers under the ground, which, luckily for them, were all labelled very specifically. Mrs Mittlewaite, the founder of ‘Mrs Mittlewaite’s home and boarding school for magically challenged new-borns, babies, toddlers, young children, older children, teenagers, young adults, adults, older adults, senior citizens and ghosts back from the dead’, also had a strange, and very severe, case of ‘Over-labelling-itus’, which could have possibly had something to do with it as well.
The woman smiled, looked at her watch and after several minutes of checking what time it was, she realised that her watch had been broken for the past six months and that the hands weren’t going to move any time soon. At this, she gave up on watch-checking and walked into the lobby of ‘Mrs Mittlewaite’s home and boarding school for magically challenged new-borns, babies, toddlers, young children, older children, teenagers, young adults, adults, older adults, senior citizens and ghosts back from the dead’.
The first thing that you should know about Mrs Mittlewaite is that she was what is known as ‘magically challenged’. This is very much like ‘mentally challenged’, apart from the fact that it’s nothing to do with that at all. In fact, it’s generally to do with magic. Unsurprising. People who are ‘magically challenged’ tend to be too smart for their own good, and end up doing things like inventing the first ever magical dynamite and blowing themselves up, or learning to read lion’s minds, and mistaking the thought ‘Eat yummy wizard’ for ‘Meet tummy lizard’. At the time, this obviously didn’t make any sense to the young wizard until he was halfway through the lion’s intestines. The government decided to spare the entire planet from the potential side effects of letting these children roam free, e.g. total world oblivion, and set up several ‘camps’ for them to live in. Having seen the state of the camps first hand, Mrs Mittlewaite decided to set up her own, preferably with cleaner toilets than the government-created ones. And so, ‘Mrs Mittlewaite’s home and boarding school for magically challenged new-borns, babies, toddlers, young children, older children, teenagers, young adults, adults, older adults, senior citizens and ghosts back from the dead’ was born.
The second thing you should know about Mrs Mittlewaite is that she likes jam, especially strawberry.
In fact, at the very moment the woman walked into ‘Mrs Mittlewaite’s home and boarding school for magically challenged new-borns, babies, toddlers, young children, older children, teenagers, young adults, adults, older adults, senior citizens and ghosts back from the dead’, Mrs Mittlewaite was behind the reception desk, eating a strawberry jam sandwich. Which is completely irrelevant to the story, but vital that you know anyway...
An Update, And A New Story Called Mouse. Oh, And Happy New Year! • Opuss № I