6 January 2013
Chapter one. (Part two)
In fact, at the very moment the woman walked into ‘Mrs Mittlewaite’s home and boarding school for magically challenged new-borns, babies, toddlers, young children, older children, teenagers, young adults, adults, older adults, senior citizens and ghosts back from the dead’, Mrs Mittlewaite was behind the reception desk, eating a strawberry jam sandwich. Which is completely irrelevant to the story, but vital that you know anyway.
The woman, not deterred by the fact that the parrot on Mrs Mittlewaite’s shoulder was winking violently at her, strode forward to the reception desk, and cleared her throat. Her throat in fact, was already clear, so the action of clearing her throat was actually used for dramatic effect, and to convey a very specific emotion which is sometimes known as ‘I don’t care if you’re busy eating a jam sandwich, I want to talk to you, but I’m too polite to poke you repeatedly in the face in order to get your attention, so instead, I shall clear my throat loudly and dramatically, so it looks like I’m just coughing, although I am in fact trying to get your attention in a subtle way.’. However, in doing this, she had somehow managed to inhale a pesky floating 'automatic coughing particle'. Mrs Mittlewaite stopped chewing a mouthful of jam sandwich and looked up at the woman who appeared to be choking in front of her.
She was tall, although that could have had something to do with the insanely high high-heeled shoes she was wearing, and had deep red hair, which matched the shade of crimson her cheeks were going as she continued to cough. Mrs Mittlewaite paused for a moment, dropped the sandwich, and then ran into the nearest storage cupboard. The parrot at this point had flown off to its room, written a letter confessing his undying love to the woman, and was now in the process of baking her some pink heart-shaped cookies.
Minutes later, Mrs Mittlewaite emerged from the cupboard, with a step ladder and some chocolate. She set the ladder up next to the woman, and began to climb it. Being as old and as frail as she was, this took a considerable amount of time and by the time she had reached the top, the woman’s cheeks had changed from scarlet to a worrying shade of purple. Mrs Mittlewaite took the chocolate from her pocket, and proceeded to hit the woman repeatedly on the back with it.
The last thing the woman said before she toppled over and hit her head on the floor was something along the lines of; “I’m here to wee my water.”
It turns out that Mrs Mittlewaite’s hearing is not as good as she thinks it, and instead of the slightly strange request of something to do with weeing and water, the woman’s last words before she lost consciousness, were in fact: “I’m here to see my daughter.”
The daughter in question was upstairs at the time, playing a board game with one of her friends…
The woman awoke, next to a large sign that said; "The toilet is in the first door on the left." This puzzled the woman, and as her head was already throbbing, she decided to ignore it, concluding that anything of the ordinary would just make the dreadful pain even more unbearable. The woman didn't actually make it out of 'Mrs Mittlewaite’s home and boarding school for magically challenged new-borns, babies, toddlers, young children, older children, teenagers, young adults, adults, older adults, senior citizens and ghosts back from the dead’ on her own two feet. In fact, she would be rushed out on a stretcher, into a waiting ambulance due to cranial haemorrhaging.
She sat up, and looked around. Aside from the large sign telling her where the toilet is and the mountainous pile of heart-shaped cookies, the room looked relatively normal. There was a steel framed bed in the corner; a small sink and jug of warm water; two wooden stools and a spotty towel. Curiosity, on this occasion, did not get the better of her, and so she never did find the chest of gold guarded by tiny flying mermaids that was hidden underneath the bed. Due to her headache, she listened to her 'sensible' side and began to make her way to the door instead, determined to find her daughter once and for all. As she approached, rushed whispering and loud shouts of "Ssh! She'll hear you!!" and "Shut up you moron!" could be heard. All at once, the door swung open, and the woman was bombarded with confetti. "Miss... Erm..... Oh god, what was it?!" The parrot, who was kneeling on the floor, by the woman's feet, paused for a moment. It appeared that he had forgotten the love of his life's name. After around a minute of contemplation, he decided to take a risk, and make her name up. "Miss Cauliflower-sheep-intestine..." The parrot, as it turns out, was not that good at name-creating. "I have loved you for over an hour now, and I would happily lay down my life to save yours. Except in a situation where snails are involved. I cannot abide snails." The woman started to walk forward again, and sensing he had done something wrong, the parrot flew up, at eye-level with her, and began to shout. "But that is besides the point, of course!! You are everything to me, and now, Miss Cauliflower-sheep-intestine, I am asking you to make me the happiest male parrot alive, and become my wife."
Mrs Mittlewaite herself, had even found time to watch, and was now wiping a tear from her eye. If it was a play, she would have clapped, but in reality, it would have only spoiled the atmosphere.
Mrs Mittlewaite clapped anyway.
"Well? What do you say?" The parrot stared deep into the woman's eyes, waiting for an answer.
The woman opened her mouth to reply, when suddenly a overly large Ginger rodent came flying from the ceiling, and collided smack-bang with her nose. With a spectacular crunching noise, she sank to the floor, and back into darkness.
Mouse. Part Two. • Opuss № I