2 July 2012
I watch her, standing by the sea, staring at the water. Her dress is in tatters, the white silk ruined with stains and tears. The wind tangles her red hair and plays with the silver pendant round her neck. Her cornflower eyes are glassy, filled with sorrow and neglect. I want to help, but something is stopping me. The boundaries of this vision are strong, I cannot move from this position. She moves her hands so that they rest on her swollen stomach, a reminder that she is not alone. The tide is coming in, waves washing against her bare feet, cleaning away the mud and dirt. A gash scars her, running underneath her right eye. She looks lost, pained, forlorn. On her finger, a silver ring set with a blood red ruby. It contrasts her dress and her veil, a misty curtain of netting, woven with tiny red lilies. The wind has sped up now, lashing at her pale body. Still, she stands there, unaffected by the relentless torture. She lets out a sigh, mutters something, then begins to walk towards the sea, the water rising up to her waist. The image blurs, fading until all I can see is her red curls disappear beneath the waves.
***
The sea is so cold, yet so warm. It soothes my tired feet, my aches and pains. My broken heart. Tears well in my eyes, streaming down my freckled cheeks, tracking a path through the layers of dirt on my face. The wind messes with my hair and veil, blowing them around my face, playing with my vision. The baby lurches in my stomach and I immediately start to stroke my swollen stomach, trying to comfort her. I want to save her, but there is no time. The goddesses have spoken, and I must follow them. I was never meant to walk this earth and now I will leave, to join my fellow angels once more. I loved him. Today was our wedding, a celebration of our love. He left me when he saw my wings. Called me 'a freak', 'unnatural', 'different'. Left me and Eliza by ourselves, running on my wedding day, supposedly, the best day of my life. I needed to show him, show him who I really was. But he didn't accept me. He left. The water rises, and it chills me to the bone. I pray to the goddesses above for guidance, and walk into the waves. Slowly, the water engulfs my being, and Eliza begins to kick. I cough, intense pain spreading throughout my abdomen. Water fills my mouth and I fall into a deep panic. The pain gives way to contractions and I can bear it no longer. I dive deeper, ignoring the pain. The water presses down on me from all directions, intensifying the pain. Feeling the salt water seep into my lungs, I scream, wanting this to be over. I do not want a child, I need to be set free, with my sisters. Blood swirls around me, and a deep fuzziness takes hold of my thoughts. I float in complete agony, waiting for the sea to take me away. Another burst of pain and I feel the world slipping away, the darkness closing in, until no light remains.
***
The vision is fading, leaving me tumbling in blackness. Slowly, the dark recedes and I awake in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. My red curls swirl around my head and my freckled skin is paler than my dress. The beach is deserted, except for me. I glance at my swollen stomach. And Eliza of course.
Based on a dream I had.
Red Lilies • Opuss № I