22 July 2012
When i was in gradeschool i studied in an exclusive boys catholic school. It was standard practice that the guidance counselor call parents of students who are or "act" gay and meet the parents to tell them that their son is gay. They would give the gay student a letter for his parents about an appointment. Of course since this was a standard practice the gay student would know what its about. Whether the student was out or not, did not matter and in my case when i got letters like this i would sink into complete fear and humiliation since im not out. By the way, they would do this more than once in different school years. You usually get this notice when the guidance councilor is new. First time i got this was in grade 5 then grade 7 then a couple times in high school.
It was humiliating getting this letter to give my parents so they can meet the guidance councilor in order to be outted. This is usually given during homeroom while my other classmates would wonder why im getting a letter to give my parents. Its humiliating speculating about what its about and more humiliating when classmates know what it is about and they look at me with pity and they see the terror in my face.
In my country and culture being gay is frowned upon. In my school being gay can be cured. In my school gay students are set apart from each other and they make sure only 1 gay is in a class.
I remember the first time i got this letter. All my other gay friends got it too. We would huddle together during recess and lunch and dwell on what to do. I never gave my letter the first time i got it. I thought that was over. But during our school fair from a distance i saw my parents walking in the field thats when i knew the school called my parents directly. I was frozen. I was with some straight classmates and they didnt know what to say.
After the meeting between my parents and the guidance councilor. My mom put her arm around me and spoke to me. We walked the field while my classmates were looking. How embarrassing in all levels! She told me to avoid gay people and hang around straight classmates only because i was influenced to be gay. I love my mother and father very much but they werent equipted to handle this situation. They mean well they love me but they didnt know what to do. They were brought up catholic as i was and the conservative culture will not allow them to let me be. I dont blame them at all for the things they did to try to change me... The psychologist, the weekly therapist, the close monitoring that i dont see gay friends, listening on the phone to hear who i was talking to, reading my diary, pushing me to be friends with masculine guys. I dont blame them they did that coz thats what they thought could make me a better person. Thinking about it now, they did what they thought was best for me. I love them for trying because they did it thinking its the best for me. It didnt work but in hindsight, it was out of love.
I wish my school stop outing students. It does more harm. Writing this drained me. I cant believe i went through all that. But i survived.
Being Gay In A Catholic School • Opuss № I