24 years old. Likes guitars, photography, running and cooking. Tries to avoid cats, gherkins and the rain.
I am sure that it will be her intention to stay faithful. Even as the adrenaline surges through her, and giggling dementedly, she binge drinks and knocks back shots.
Jonathon Ross has been arrested for stealing kitchen utensils from a store. Ross said afterwards it was a whisk he was prepared to take..
Three men walk up to the pearly gates of heaven, St. peter is there to greet them.
An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor with a torn chiton, asks the tailor, "Eumenides?" The tailor responds, "Euripedes?".
"I made a new discovery at work today," I said to my wife with a chuckle."You've worked at Land Rover for a week, and that joke's already wearing thin," she groaned..
I would like to share an experience with you, which has to do with drinking and driving. As you may be aware, some of us have had brushes with the authorities over the years.
Cinderella is now 95 years old.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am." "Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging...
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman.
What bounces and makes kids cry. My donation cheque to "Children in Need"..
A man was sun bathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
If she's jewish jewish put bacon in her purse and sausages in her handbag.
It was freshman or sophomore year of high school, and we were working on our projects in the computer lab.
A man goes to see his doctor after having a headache for 5 days straight.
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi,...
What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other. Irene.
Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for days. Crawling on their hands and knees and at death's door, they see a tree in the distance.
I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.
Your mother touches more sack than a medieval grain merchant on inventory day..
Bloke not feeling well, rushing for his train. Has attack of the shits and craps himself. Buys a new pair of trousers from shop in the station.
Friend has a dog that jumps into nextdoor’s garden. Tears up garden, flower beds etc and then appears with a dead bunny in its mouth. Friend panics.
A good friend of mine purchased some long-haul trucking sim for his PC; spent literally a full day making his way across the US only to realise he forgot to attach the trailer before he set off.
“Pulled off her french panties and I shit you not. It looked like an axe wound in a gorillas back.”.
Our mutual friend Anna was house/dog sitting for her boyfriends parents while he and his parents were away visiting family, the dog was very old and quite sickly.
This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train.
The morning after a heavy night on the ale I was in the shower, hung over and generally not feeling too pleasant.
After a night out me and my girlfriend went back to her house, where it was agreed I would be staying over.
I was with a different girlfriend - before the story above had happened. We were young and I was living with my folks at the time.
I will tell my story, but going by the reactions on here to some fairly normal activities, I am prepared to called all kinds of a liar.. I will tone it down so it seems more normal.
The friend’s family is entertaining an exchange student. Exchange student arrives at the house where the family has prepared a lovely lunch out on the patio.
Old lady in florida returns to her car after shopping, upon doing so she sees 4 youths trying to get into her car.
Very first time I am being introduced to them, my then gf (now wife)’s mum asks my gf ‘would [name] like drink’, my gf says ‘he can speak for himself mum he isnt deaf and dumb’ - at which point I put...
There was a keepy uppy tournament at our hostel in Buenos Aires, a bit of a party hostel tbf.
Tokyo optician (simile): A light-hearted term of abuse for a slapper, ie. one who has seen her fair share of Japs’ eyes..
Found my wife’s vibrator the other day. Now I’m not saying it was big but I’m seriously thinking about entering it in Robot Wars..
“ On my wedding night, pissed as a fart, it got to the end of the night where there was me, the wife and her parents.
I was 17 years old and had just got my first girlfriend.