The Start

Well. I left my husband just over a month and a half ago. Since then I have had a little bit of fun with a 19 year old that went horribly wrong, kissed his best friend and have drank and smoked more than I care to think. I have forgotten more about the last few weeks than I can remember. Alcohol has not been my friend. And last night I reached rock bottom. Bothering the 19 year old, trying to talk to him about nothing when I was more drunk than I used to get as a teenager. A depressing state. A big fat mess. I still love my husband. But it's not enough. I hate myself constantly. I am a person that I don't like, recognise or want to be and my drunken debacle has made me see that only I can make the change. I have already decided that my next destination is London and then after that New York. I have a goal but I need to iron out the mess of myself before making such huge changes to my life. I like my hair, I'm not gonna change that. My weight needs sorting so let's shift that first. And then a new wardrobe, more dresses and heels I think. I can still be a rocker but a little less Alice Cooper's younger sister. I need to stop being a boy, become a lady. A tomboy is cute at 18, at 25 it's desperate. Operation sort me out is underway. Except I had pizza for tea. Dammit.