23 January 2013
"Relax, I'm proving your point to Cap'." Tony said vaguely as he typed 'abba karaoke drunk' into YouTube.
"I liked jukeboxes." Captain America said, faintly sulkily.
Some crackly, mobile-phone recorded footage began behind them.
"You do still find them sometimes." Banner said, attempting to cheer up the miserable superhero. It was hard for the blonde man. Whilst every new thing he learned made him more familiar with the world around him, it made the old world that he knew and loved that tiny bit more distant and unavailable.
"I know but . . ." Steve said, miserably shifting in his seat. He bit his lip before admitting shame-facedly, "I danced with Peggy Carter to a jukebox song once . . ."
Banner sympathetically patted the man on the shoulder.
Then they heard a gleeful gasp from Tony. "Oh . . . My . . .!" The man said, eyes wide.
"What?" Banner asked.
Across the room, Hawkeye and Natasha looked up, intrigued by Tony's interest.
Even Loki stirred from his drawing, rubbing his eyes blearily. They felt sore. To be honest, his entire head felt a bit thick and dizzy.
Tony just leaned back in his chair, grinning like a particularly well-fed Cheshire cat. "Does this voice sound familiar to you?"
They listened to the music.
Well I could dance with you honey If you think it's funny Does your mother know that you're out? And I could chat with you baby Flirt a little maybe Does your mother know that you're out?
"Actually . . ." Hawkeye conceded, tilting his head curiously to the side. "It does."
"Who is it?" Black Widow asked, coming over.
Tony couldn't answer though. He was trying far too hard not to laugh.
"Oh, for Goodness' sake . . ." Steve grabbed the laptop and swivelled it round so he could see.
Then he gaped. " . . . Is that-?"
"Yes!" Tony giggled.
"Singing-"
"Yes!"
"Will you two just tell us already?" Natasha growled, impatiently.
Trying hard not to laugh himself now, Steve turned the laptop so she and Hawkeye could see.
They frowned for a moment, trying to recognise the pixel-y figure. Then their jaws dropped.
"DR. SELVIG?"
Tony finally managed to get his chuckling under control, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "This is an opportunity that is far too good to waste . . ."
"Opportunity for what?" Banner asked, reclaiming his laptop.
"Monumental amounts of piss-taking!"
There was a quiet sneeze from the back.
"Bless you." Tony said, automatically, before he realised it had been Loki.
"Seriously, Tony?" Banner said, disdainfully. "You want to mock the man? Would you want all the stuff you're ashamed of rubbed in your face?"
"I am devious enough to ensure that there is no evidence of all the things I am ashamed of." Tony pointed out.
"Actually, I owe him for laughing at me when I needed help working the DVD player." Steve admitted.
Tony just grinned evilly. "Well then, what are we waiting for?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jane Foster loved Thor. She really did. He was a wonderful man . . . God . . . Person.
But, she did wish he would stop lurking at her elbow like an enormous, hammer-wielding Labrador when she was trying to work complicated scientific machinery.
"Is this like The Google?" The man was asking, curiously, as he tapped an electron microscope with a tentative finger.
Tony and Banner had introduced him to the internet. As a result, Thor was having trouble understanding that some things were completely unrelated to 'The Google' as, in his mind, Technology = Computers and Computers = Internet = The Google = Funny cats.
"No, it's a microscope." Jane explained, gently, taking the man by the jaw and angling his face so that his eyes were at the lenses. "We use it to see very small things."
Thor let out an excited little noise as he viewed the crystal fragments under the scope and Jane shook her head with a smile.
Alright, it was mildly irritating having the man getting under her feet. But he was so adorably keen and his face lit up so much when he discovered something new that she honestly wouldn't have it any other way.
Across the other side of the room, Selvig rolled his eyes fondly as Thor proudly informed Jane that he had figured out how to focus the microscope all by himself.
It was like having a 6'3" bearded hulk of a seven year old following them around.
Then Selvig noticed something and frowned.
"Jane?"
"Yes?" She looked up.
"Why is there a rubber chicken in the centrifuge?"
They looked. Sure enough, there was a rubber chicken in the centrifuge. Jane's eyebrows quirked. "I used that not five minutes ago. And there was no rubber chicken in it then."
Thor tensed as something occurred to him.
"Well, I didn't put it there and no one's come in." Selvig pointed out.
Jane opened her mouth to answer but then she noticed that Thor was sniffing the air suspiciously.
"What is it?" She asked.
"Do you smell that?" He asked.
She sniffed. She could smell something. It was an odd smell, her nostrils unable to categorise it. It was somewhere between coal tar and gun powder but there was another undertone which was difficult to pin down.
"Yeah . . ." She mused. "It's odd . . . It smells . . ."
"Sparkly." Selvig said, bewildered.
Jane opened her mouth to point out that smells can't be sparkly, but then she paused. Because he was right. It DID smell sparkly.
How the hell did that work then?
Thor reached for his hammer. His jaw set firmly. "We need to go upstairs."
"Why? What is that smell?" Jane asked.
"Magic." He said, grimly.
"Loki?" Jane said, excitedly. She looked across to Selvig but he'd pre-empted her and was already grabbing the bag of popcorn that they always kept on hand for just such an occasion.
Watching Loki make a run for it was better than going to the cinema.
"Yes. Loki." Thor grumbled, irritation rising in his chest. They'd go and sort out his brother and then return swiftly; he wanted continue playing with the microscope. And see if he could figure out how to access The Google from it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sir?" The languid drawl of JARVIS cut in to the Avenger's conversation. "The good Doctor, Miss Foster and Mr. Thor are on their way to you now."
"Brilliant!" Tony grinned. "Everyone ready?"
"You really are an absolute child."
"And you, Mr. Banner, are a buzz-kill."
The door flew open and they all took a deep breath but, before they could put their plan into action, Thor's booming voice cut in.
"Where is he?"
They blinked, mildly annoyed at the Thunder God for . . . Well, stealing their thunder.
"Who?"
"My brother." Thor growled, entering the room.
"He's over there. Same as he is damn near every day." Tony said, pointing at the dark figure who was scratching agitatedly at his mask.
Thor looked confused. "So, he has not tried to escape?"
" . . . No."
"But we smelt magic."
"Oh, so that's what that smell is?"
They were interrupted by another muffled sneeze from Loki.
"What?!" Hawkeye's shout promptly captured their attention.
Turning, they discovered that the assassin was staring in bewilderment at his quiver which, having previously contained arrows, now held three dozen peacock feathers.
There was an electric buzz and cut-off yelp of pain from behind them and, when they turned again, it was to discover that Loki had frantically resumed attempting to claw his mask off.
Understanding dawned on Thor's face. He pointed with Mjolnir. "That is not the mask I had made for my brother. The one I made him wear did not cover his nose."
"No." Tony explained. "I made him a new one."
"Why?"
"Because ol' God of Mischief over there was driving us all crazy with his magical pranks. And, we've been meaning to talk to you about that actually, we thought his magic was compromised on Asgard as a safety meas-" But Tony didn't get to finish as Thor promptly grabbed him by the shoulder and dragged him over to his brother.
"Take the mask off him." Thor ordered.
Loki peered up at him through gummy eyes. Up close, they could see that the man definitely wasn't 100% healthy. His skin was waxy and even paler than usual and he was trembling. However, Tony was not so easily convinced. "Are you insane?" He asked, bluntly. "We keep him masked for a reason."
"Yes, and I am demanding you unmask him for a reason!"
Tony's reply was interrupted by Loki sneezing again.
The desk chair that Steve was sat on suddenly turned into a sheep which promptly decided it didn't like being used as furniture and legged it, not caring much about the indignity inherent in knocking America's first superhero on his arse.
The God and Iron Man were distracted from Captain America's increasingly vocal plight by a buzz, shortly followed high-pitched cry of pain from beneath Loki's mask.
Then, they turned as the Jotunn gave a little whimper of misery.
What they could see of his face bore an expression of humiliated revulsion.
They stared at him for a moment, before Tony figured it out. "You just got snot all up the inside of your mask, didn't you?"
Loki nodded, unhappily.
"Man of Iron, I am not fooling with you." Thor said, in a warning tone. "It is vital that you remove that mask. My brother is sick and not currently in control of his magic. Keeping him in that device which shocks him for what is essentially an involuntary reflex is akin to tort
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