I am a keen photographer and pilot who has loads of funny quotes from friends to put up on here! :)
In 1974, while taking a tour of Australia, which is part of the British commonwealth, prince charles attended a service at a small parish church.
What's black and at the top of the stairs after a house fire. Steven Hawkin..
Why is a Viola better than a Violin. They burn for longer..
Ewan: "I've got the strap on." (he was talking about a camera strap but it didn't sound like that.).
I'll like you for ever, I'll love you for always, as long as I'm living my darling you'll be. <3.
Did anyone read the article in the evening standard about the duck drowning in a lake.
Check out my photography blog at www.clementallen.wordpress.com and my twitter @C_A_Photos.
I really fancy this girl but daren't ask her out...what should I do?.
I know someone who is short, quite hairy and rather annoying. Recently my friend and I fraped him and changed his name to Ewok from Star Ward who is also short, hairy and quite annoying..
There was a boy called billy with a ten foot willy and he showed it to the girl next door. She thought it was a snake so she hit it with a rake and now it's only five foot four..
What did one set of traffic lights say to the other pair of traffic lights. Don't look now, I'm changing!.
The Titanic sank almost one hundred years ago causing over 2000 lives to be lost. Please like this post and get it on the charts to show your support of the relations of those who died. Thank you..
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.
I love planes, what are your favourite planes. :).
There once was a man from Brazil, Who swallowed a dynamite pill, His arse backfired, his balls retired and his willy ran over the hill..
Has anyone else been having trouble with opus recently. I can't refresh my news updates, like posts or read comments :/.
Did you hear of the family who lives in a tyre. It popped and now they live in a flat..
I just told my brother about the Titanic memorial cruse setting off today to hold a service over the exact spot where the Titanic sunk 100 years ago.
(out at dinner) All of us NCO's: We'll all have water please. flight sergeant Owens: Hi there, I'm 18....
I was at an air cadet camp and the first thing the warrant officer said to us all was "Hello, my names Warrant Officer Butler.
"England's not a bad country...it's just a mean, cold, ugly, divided, tired, clapped out, post-imperial, post-industrial slag heap covered in polystyrene hamburger cartons." - Margret Drabble..
"I'm up to my neck in the real world. Just you try doing your VAT return with a head full of goblins." - Terry Pratchett.
"Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves." - Lewis Carroll..
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." - Fran Lebowicz..
"Electricity is really just organised lightning." - George Carlin..
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man." - Lana Turner..
Flight Sergeant: "Don't look down there's nothing there.".
Charlie: "oh yeah, five's an odd number isn't it?".
"Paul's so laid back he's almost vertical!" "Err, do you mean horizontal?" "...".
"Look. There's an ice cream van!" "Tom, that's an ambulance...".
"that accordian player is really quite good but if he plays Thomas the Tank Engine one more time I'm gonna kill him.".
"either move or get out of the way".
A chinese man trying to pronounce longmoor: 'Wongmoor'.
Help. Phone the police, ambulance and fire service. Why do you nee the fire service. I don't know, just anything with flashing lights on top!.
Paul: don't look down there's nothing there..
'Why's it hot?' 'Because it's a lamp'.
*inspecting uniform at air cadets* Dan: have you got anything under those trousers?.
Patrick: I have better things to do than get high with my brother... Us: ....
James: look at his, it's tiny. (actually talking about his torch but it sounded like something else...).
Lilly: Would my phone speaker sound louder if I put it in my mouth. Patrick: your bra???.
James: now, who likes to make videos. No, not that sort....
Christina: you go round the back and I'll go round the front. Ewan: ....
What do you do with someone who can't play music. Give him two sticks and send him to the back. --------------------------------- What do you do with someone who can't even do that.
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians. A drummer..
Value every day, it could be your last..
Check out my photography blog at www.clementallen.wordpress.com.
"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad." Anon..