9 May 2012
Levels of Hell
I never meant for it to go this far. The truth is, I was happily engaged to Sammy, my boyfriend of nearly a year and a half, when I did it. I landed my first Broadway role.
All was going according to plan. I was a Chorus Girl. I was in the background; somewhere I was quite used to in the past. My job was to sing low tones, do jazz hands, and above all else - make the star sparkle.
I did my duties. I smiled and did touch ups on Bex's make-up in between scenes. I made sure all of the music was in order for every member of the cast and crew and then if I had any strength left in my body, I rocked it on that stage. And I was perfectly content with just that. Until I met Will.
Will was the composer. And he let me know, since the day he came on to the team that he saw something in me. Soon enough, I found myself getting more and more privileges. I was in the front more often than not; I didn't have to make coffee runs or organize sheet music anymore, and sometimes I even got solos. It kept going up just like that until finally Will approached me during rehearsal and asked, "How'd you like to be the understudy?"
The way he said it was just so flip. Like it was no big deal. He gave away roles all the time. That wasn't were it ended though. That night after rehearsal, he waited for me outside of the rehearsal studio and took hold of my wrist as I barged out of the miserable, white room.
"How'd you like to join me for dinner?" Little did I know that my acceptance of this offer would viably be the spark to begin World War III.
First it was dinner, then it was late night rehearsals in his apartment to help me "better understand my role" as he had put it. I wanted to point out, though, that my official, credited role was Ensemble #4. There really wasn't much I had to do to 'delve into the character'.
Soon enough this thing had blown up into a full-scale affair. My fiancée didn't know any of it, of course. Neither did he suspect anything. He simply thought I was working late. Sammy simply thought that was what being a showgirl entailed. And I never said anything to make him think differently. After all, the man had followed me from college in Indiana and was now paying my rent as I went about living my dreams as a Broadway star. He took double shifts at the local bar and grill while I was at rehearsal.
It isn't like we see each other anymore. I tell myself, trying to justify my actions. He's practically a roommate. I said. Just an over glorified - roommate with benefits.
They were both so good to me. Sammy was sweet. Whenever we saw each other, he always tried his best to cook, or bring flowers, or some sort of a corny card. He was just that kind of a guy.
Will was another story though. Once we met up, it was almost certain to end in hot sex. It never even crossed my mind that I barely knew a thing about the guy.
And I didn't notice how my relationship with arguably one of the most important members of the team was weighing heavy on my relationship with the cast.
Anastasia, another Chorus Girl who had been one of my closest friends since the day we met at callbacks, now refused to look me in the eye. Bex, the leading lady, clearly hated me both inwardly and outwardly now, due to the fact that I was challenging her for the one and only leading role she had ever been offered.
Then came the final blow. Will came up to me during our lunch break at rehearsal Thursday last and gave me a pat on the shoulder, murmuring, "It's been fun, Indy." Yes, that was the dorky nickname he had given me, due to the fact that I was a born and raised Hoosier.
I sat my lunch carefully on the floor before brushing myself off and standing, "What do you mean, 'Its been fun.'? Are you going somewhere?" my hands were on my hips. I knew I wasn't going to like whatever came out of his mouth next. Suddenly, I felt utter repulsion for everything that had happened between the two of us.
"I'm leaving the Chronicles," he cheered excitedly, "I've been drafted into The Really Useful Group."
The Chronicles had been a vital part of both of our lives for months now. The fact that he would just up and leave to watch the program crash and burn thoroughly ticked me off. I realized what he meant, "You're leaving me." I muttered in disgust.
"Like I said, it's been fun, Indy." With that, he ruffled my hair one final time and walked off the set for good.
•
"Explain it to me, please," Sammy's icy voice cut through me like a knife. I never expected this to be this difficult.
"I was star struck, Sam!" I wailed, trying to make him see reason, although I was finding my own argument particularly weak at the moment, "He is a huge deal! He got me a role that I wouldn't been able to dream of had I not-"
"Had you not slept with him?" the pained look in his eyes was just barely overshadowed by the look of absolute rage and disgust, "You think I haven't had other opportunities?" he screamed, "I stayed loyal to you! I waited for you! I followed you from Indiana! Tell me, what I have done to deserve this?"
"Look, Sam, we're getting married in a month. Can we just table this for the time being and-"
"Married?" he scoffed, "You think I can marry you after what you've done." I just glared down at my feet completely succumbing to the ringing in my ears and the dizziness in my head, "Just tell me one thing and I will stay here with you and pretend that this never happened."
I looked up hopefully, "I will do anything, Sam. Anything!" I wailed, managing to stand straighter, control the flow of tear.
"Tell me that you didn't have feeling for this Composer dude. Look me in the eyes and tell me. If you can do that, I will stay and I'll take care of you. If you can't, I'm going back to Indiana."
"I can't do that." I whispered, my eyes making Contact with the floor once again, "I'm sorry."
"I am too." her murmured, hastily grabbing his phone off the counter and his wallet off the mantle before storming out the door, making sure to slam it for good measure.
I couldn't even make it to the couch. I collapsed right there on the floor, one hand on my heart, the other feverishly running through the own raven black hair. My breath came out in choked sobs as I wallowed and wondered what the hell I had done.
After I'd gotten myself under control, I let my eyes wonder to my phone and quickly ran through the contacts looking for a specific name. Daniel. My gay best friend who was also a member to The Chronicle's Ensemble.
I dialed the number and subconsciously breathed a sigh of relief when his chipper voice rang loud and clear in my ear, "I told Sammy." I whispered. Daniel was the only one who knew. I could hear his breath hitch on the other line and I finally managed to squeak out, "He left me." in between sobs. Whether I was referring to Sammy or Will, I wasn't entirely sure.
Daniel's voice automatically change to one of sympathy, "I'm coming over." her said decisively, "And I'm bringing Tequila."
The Tequila didn't do much to heal the wounds that had already begun to sting. I smiled and pretended that it was working for Daniel's sake, but once I was sure he was completely wasted, I made my way to the bathroom to take a sleeping pill. Just enough to make myself drowsy and help me sleep. Lord knows I do NOT sleep when I'm drunk.
I took one pill, then two, rinsing them down with tap water from the overly-ornate faucet. I gave the bottle one last appraising look, before downing the entire thing. Without another conscious thought, I move quickly to the couch, to lay beside Daniel who was unconscious, his blond hair askew. I collapsed beside him, already feeling the effects of the medication kick in. I slid into darkness in a matter of minutes.
In no more than a month, my life had gone from Cloud Nine to the Seventh Circle of Hell. Now I was doing something about it. I only prayed no one found me before my pulse stopped.
Levels Of Hell Made Just For Us • Opuss № I