15 October 2012
"As I walk into the shadow of the valley of death, I shall fear no evil." 10-14-12
Running through the burning city, I was alone. All I could think about was that I was supposed to go out tonight. Guess plans change..
As my feet get cindered from falling debris, I would wince but keep up speed. I had to get away.
The moonlight was strong...
As I run towards the van, i apologize out of breathe. "sorry I'm late..."
"Mimi! Well that's okay! I love your outfit!" my friend told me, looking at my newly put outfit.
We hop into the car and leave. We're going to watch movies tonight. As we enter up the side stairs, I hear a familiar voice... "Babe!" I turn to see... Him.... He takes my hand and walks with us.
All in an instant every emotion imaginable ran through my mind, but ended with an 'oh well.'
We watched the movie in each other's arms like we used to, but we did the think I always wanted to do, go out with MY friends and actually spend more than dinner with them or a passing hello. I was so happy.
As we walked to the van all I could think about was how unhealthy it was that he was here. But then I remembered something I had read: "At this very moment, I miss you so much; but that doesn't mean I wish you were here..." very true. For this instant that I can realize that I'm dreaming, I decided this was okay; it was okay to dream of him because I'll dream of how I wished he was and not have to worry about how terrible he might be later, because this was all a dream.
A dear dear friend's words trembled in my dreaming head.. "You can't keep avoiding him. Don't let him change you, face him and let him see you're happy without him, that you're doing better without him, because in the end, he's not worth it, he's just not."
A tear I imagine was of both realms fled down my cheek and I no longer remembered it was a dream. "Babe, are you okay? Don't cry." he wiped my tear. Something he never did. Then kissed me.
As we left the can and said our goodbyes to my friends, he looked at me in the moonlight and smirked his side smile he knew I liked so much then told me something that I can't remember... He hugged me tightly and I awoke with a neutral feeling.
Normally I'm not okay with dreaming of my ex but if I'm going to do it anyways, I decided i'm not going to be phased by it. People deal with these things all the time and although I tend to think slightly different than others, I'm not some separate species. I'm a person. I decided it's fine to dream about him a long time ago but only now seemed to have accomplished to wake up without any phase. Because I know that what I'm dreaming of isn't him now, before, or in the future, but a separate man that makes the real him be what he truly is: just another guy.
So I will walk on through dream, life, and emotion knowing that I will get through it with the great help of friends, family, and even dear souls that have a caring and helpful energy.
As I Walk Into The Shadow Of the Valley Of Death... I Shall Fear No Evil • Opuss № I