9 January 2013
'I really don't know how much more of this I can take... I just want to move on from it...'
"Hey..." "Hey," he replies, sitting down next to me yet far enough for me to have space and there is a silence. "So... How've you been..?"
"Fine.. Same shit, different day..." A long meaningless conversation that all leads to...
"So.... I miss you..." I don't reply. "Do you actually miss me?"
I turn to him and ask with the full knowledge that I'm still hiding my 'relationship' with Julio. "Who else have you been with...?"
Much to my luck, he was so swept up by telling me three girl's names that he didn't seem to take any care about knowing about mine.
"Christina... Maria..." I forget the last name or even if Maria is really one of them... They were all of Latino heritage I assumed... Although I was a little hurt by hearing this, I was surprised that it hurt monumentally less that before.
He continues to babble as he gets up and leads me to the car. I was glad to see he led us to his car instead of asking about mine... Talking to him about my car accident then telling him about my new convertible was not on my agenda since I ride in either Julio's Mercedes or he'll ride with me in my Mitsubishi.
We drive off to the mall with him pretty much pushing the suggestion that things will change and that we should get back together. I barely say anything as I know that it would only be as good as one week then go back to him not wanting to be together... And that it's just so ridiculous that he would try this a seventh time fully knowing I'd most likely fall for it again... And what about Julio? I'm not completely heartless nor a cheat but I've been trying my hardest to build up backing of how and what to say to end it with him... But I know I came here with one promised intent in mind with the thought in mind that my best friend, close friends and my mum would be proud of... To reiterate the scene from family guy when Jillian tells Brian that she can't go back with him because she can't let him break her heart again.
My apparently well hidden affection for him of course gets the better of me and gives him a chance with a trial but I again pose that there will be no sexual relations or kissing, in which I know I'll be the one with the problem with it.. Hehe...
With Julio's name silently sitting in my mind, I walk into the mall with him, wanting out of all the world to hold his hand and knowing fully that he wishes to do the same and flat out telling him with body language that that's not going to happen.
We walk into the GameStop and while he chats with the employees who apparently are his old co-workers, I look around for Far Cry 3. RJ comes and greets me and we form a party of 3 as we walk around the mall.
Coming out from one store, a voice compels the group to come.
"Alex!" his brother, Paul, calls.
It's funny... I may be with him at that moment, yet hearing his name and knowing full well who it really calls to still sears my bones...
Him and RJ walk to him as I walk behind, still occupied with the store. I walk out a few minutes later to look for them only to be greeted with a happy call.
"He-he-hey! Look who it is?!?! How you been, bro?!" he calls to me with a familiar yet still surprising happy and glad call.
"Hey Paul." I smile at him and take my place at his brother's side.
"Long time, no-see!" he pats my arm. I assumed that the other girls he took interest in probably were bad in the eyes of his brother and this happy welcoming made it known that he thought I was a good choice for his little brother.
His little brother happily puts his arms around me and hugs me with his brother's approval and we walk about the mall again.
A light sense of happiness of Paul's approval overcame me and quickly faded within moments. I knew my friends and family would be disappointed...
We find ourselves around a pile of products and I got the sense that this was a task for someone in our group. We crowd around it and it somehow turns into a mosh pit. I immediately run from previous experience and injury and rush to safety.
He followed behind me laughing. I got mad and we began a little argument. I'm not sure what was said but I was mad enough to storm off. Much to my surprise, he followed after me for a bit but I was too fast.
I walk around the mall a while, trying to cool off and realize that this is kind of the reason we broke up in the first place. My feelings of anger was something he didn't want to deal with and I feared this would ruin our chances. At this point, I completely forgot about Julio and the fact that despite our relationship being less than something, at least when I had my fits of anger, he would stick through it with me...
I run back trying to find him and apologize, a familiar, unrewarding yet terrible feeling to think about...
I find them around the newly and nearly staked pile of products and they decide to have a dance party.
I was excited since I knew he never liked dancing and I now had a chance to show off my fancy moves and apologize at the same time (and if I'm lucky the dance will be enough of an apology and the verbal one won't be needed.)
I remember dancing but I don't really remember what happened... I walk towards him as he watches me.
Time slows down and everything gets bright... I never reach him...
... And I wake up...
Mad World • Opuss № I