Star Wars
I tried to find love on the Death Star, but I was looking in Alderaan places..
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davidt
Dad of 2 cheeky boys. Lover of jokes, especially one liners.
21
Stories
34
Followers
Stories by @davidt (21)
Feel
....I sit and talk to god, But he just laughs at my plans. My head speaks a language, I don't understand..
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21 words
Risqué Joke
Sitting in the pub I asked my mate, "...so what's your pet hate?" He replied, " Well, it doesn't like things getting shoved up it's arse.".
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26 words
Pronouns
Pronouns. Like normal nouns, just highly trained..
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Football
The local paper has a pull out of my teams previous cup semi's. The excitement is still rising..
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18 words
Saturday 14th April
Aberdeen F.C v Hibernian I'm getting a wee bit excited about this one so will probably be writing a lot about the game in the next few days.
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Sigh
Why is being bored boring?.
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Crap Joke
2 men fell off a cliff... BOOM, BOOM!.
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4 Word Joke No. 2
Venison's dear, isn't it?.
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4 Word Joke No. 1
Tea is for mugs..
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It's True
Some really confident people say, 'Nothing is impossible.' They clearly have not tried to staple water to a tree!.
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Apple
I've got some reliable inside information about Apple's next product. I won't be able to afford it..
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My Fathers....Advice?
"Once is a mistake. Twice is careless. Three times is just bloody stupid." Thanks dad. Sniff!.
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I Don't Know
What was before the 'BIG BANG' and what made it explode........... Shit, my nose is bleeding..
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Text
My girlfriend just texted me: "I lvoe you, but I aslo htae you." She's sending me mixed messages..
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18 words
Local Knowledge
I love local jokes. They're right up my street..
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Married Life
Because of my obsession with Star Wars, left me my wife did..
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Ouch
I always wondered why a football seems to get bigger the closer it gets to you. Then it hit me.......
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Decisions
Every major decision in my adult life has been preceded by the thought, 'what would my dad do?'.
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Married Life
The wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonations. As I left the house, I looked at her and said, "I'll return.".
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Married Life
The wife thinks I'm a nosy b*stard. I just wish she'd tell me to my face instead of writing it in her diary everyday..
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24 words