2 June 2012
Enter through the gates of Hell
Sustenance to select,
Choose the right one on pain of death.
Try in vain to direct
The wonky trolley, stubborn thing,
Only wants to turn right
On this mission for the Holy Shop
To find the true Tesco's light.
Start to run up fruit and veg.
Dodge the determined others
Who'd go through you rather than round you,
Bands of flustered mothers,
And deathly little old ladies
Dottering perilously on
Like boulders rolling, rolling,
Heading for you, straight on.
Swerve into the dairy isle
Grab the yoghurt, cheese, milk, quick!
Very hard turn left. Groan.
Reach tinned foods in the nick
Of time. Spag Bol sauce and curry,
Baked beans, tomato soup.
Dodge the screaming toddler,
Turn a loop-the-loop,
Down the cavernous Aisle of Faith
To grab a loaf and some flour,
So long as you believe my dear
With your tea bags, you'll go far.
The final stretch of the treacherous path,
Coupons flying everywhere
As you try not to be beheaded in your escape.
Stop me if you dare!
Through the check out, through the doors
Slide past, grab your hat
With your trusty, wonky steed
And precious cargo, that's
How you do it, like a boss
In haste return supreme.
Unpack bags, stop a minute,
Shoot! Forgot the cream!
Delilah: Raiders Of The Food Ark • Opuss № I