14 June 2012
She was quietly folding her mistress'
Leather mini skirt,
She said she'd fallen over last night
Slipping in the dirt,
But we all now what happens
When a flirtatious mountain troll
Gets frisky with a Princess
Who's been severely told.
From the ivory tower
She could see her mistress look
Lonely out towards the Opussian coast,
T'was freedom that she sook.
But who was that a-creeping
Towards the ivy-clad jail?
Lord Smelly? Her ex-husband?
Long fingers smelly and pale,
Opening the doorway
That led to her room,
Perhaps they've kissed and made up?
Surely that's safe to assume?
Ten minutes later
As she came past with a mop,
That silly cook old Wonky Bill
Had dropped the pigs' slop,
She looked up at her mistress
Longing to be in her place,
With all the pretty clothes and palaces,
Such a pretty face.
But what? Her mistress has fallen
Clawing at her throat!
While someone drops from her window
Swimming off the in the moat!
Treason! Murder!
Call the Opussian Guard!
Princess we're coming!
Try not to choke too hard.
Banging down the chamber door,
Handmaid on call
Hoping that it's not too late,
That she's survived her fall.
Rush her to the hospital
And slay that sly old fiend,
It appears her doting husband
Wasn't all he seemed.
They say revenge is sweet
And assassination's even better,
Watch out Lord Smelly
Mess with my princess? Got yourself a vendetta!
I'm Coming Princess! • Opuss № I