30 July 2012
Let me tell you the ditty of one boozy boy; The infamous Durable Michael Malloy, A $3000 insurance ploy Some oysters, snow, gangsters and gas.
A lad who hailed from fair Donegal, An urchin, a tramp, a hobo in all, Drink seemed to be his fatal downfall. January '33 started the show.
The old Murder Trust in New York town Took out life insurance to put our drunkard down And run off with the money, no hint of a frown After poisoning him with drink.
They tried overloading with whiskey and wine, Brandy and bourbon the fraudulent swine! In a dingy speakeasy, but the Ale-Lord kept time (He was Irish and they didn't think.)
They decided 'twas time to up their game; Antifreeze in the liquor, still tasted the same. Rat poison, horse liniment, knock-out their aim All to no avail, I'm afraid.
Our robust aul lad was still bobbing along. 'I've unlimited tab!' was still his song. 'If we have it our way you won't have long.' They sighed, though his tab they still paid.
Next they tried oysters in methanol, Then a rotten fish sandwich, not a good call, With pin tacks and poison again. 'Is that all?' Our immortal hero did ask.
'Well, out with you then on this cold winter night.' Drunk, -26 degrees. What a delight With gallons of water o'er his chest. What a fright! To finish their grisly task.
A few days later he was back at their door Asking 'Please sir, can I have some more?' 'More?! More?! Aren't you slapped sore?' They grumbled letting him in.
Another attempt from the dastardly trust; See one owned a taxi, big wheels a must Ran him over, drunk silly just after dusk In a bone-crunching, blood-curdling din.
Weeks passed and Malloy was nowhere to be seen The boys breathed relief, feeling quite keen And also, just slightly, a little mean (The pin tacks was a bit too far)
Raising a glass to their fallen friend Who'd met for them quite a timely end. (Unbeknownst to them, he'd been on the mend And sailed in the door left ajar.)
'Hello lads,' they thought they'd seen a ghost. 'Shall we raise a bit of a toast?' With that they shoved a gas pipe down his throat And held him a funeral Mass.
Let me tell you the ditty of one boozy boy; The infamous Durable Michael Malloy A $3000 insurance ploy, Some oysters, snow, gangsters and gas.
The Durable Michael Malloy • Opuss № I