19 June 2012
'Oh my,' said Mr. Left Thumb,
'This week has been a farce!
I've bled until kingdom come
Because of some silly arse.
Whoever it is I've been attached to
By some cruel trick of fate
Is a clumsy boob who has no skill,
Their body can't co-ordinate.
Just this past Monday
While preparing the tea,
They sliced me open on tinfoil!
How clumsy can you be?
Tuesday I was smacked by a hammer,
Wednesday was slammed in a door.
I hate to think what Thursday brings
I just can't take anymore!'
Mr. Right Thumb sniggered,
'You think that's bad?
You'd shut your trap if you knew
The terrible week I've had.
This idiot seems to think
They're some flipping genius,
Texting with only one thumb
A sore head, that's what it is.
Then on Tuesday they got overzealous
Playing their guitar,
Strumming away half the day
Like they're Bruno Mars.
I've a blister the size of a garden pea
Hanging from my ear,
People ask if I've a Siamese twin!
Now that's really hard to hear.
And don't get me started on Wednesday
That was another painfest.
Stuck on a hot plate, another blister inflates,
I'm just about balanced out at best.'
'Would the pair of you please shut up
In your stupid thumb war,
Trying to compete in pain
You're making my ears sore!'
Mr. Elbow called out
'I'm the one that hurts the most
You thing pain's a contest,
Of your calamities you boast.
You think you're on the firing line,
But when they trip and fall
They slam me down, and scream and frown.
For a Funny Bone it ain't funny at all!'
Thumb War • Opuss № I