Island girl in London (No, I don't know Rihanna lol) • I hope I made you smile...:-De.
After thinking about it, I've decided to delete opuss (after this post of course). Thank you to everyone that thought what I posted was worth reading and crazy enough to follow. Through all of this...
There seems to be someone out there that wants me to stop posting these jokes. I never said I wrote them. I have always mentioned that I "got" them.
I think I like u, and If u got some time to spare, I was, thinking we could fall in love. - Tami Chyn.
Young Simon was walking around his local supermarket picking up a few items for his evening meal when he noticed an old lady was following him.
A guy sticks his head round the door of the barbershop and asks, ‘How long before I can get a haircut.
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-storey hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city.
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
Thank you to my 99 followers. I post what I think will give people something to smile and laugh about in this sad, sad world. So at least for today... I hope I made you smile...:De.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
As our crowded airliner approached take off, the peace was shattered by a five-year-old boy who picked that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners...
Whitey goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for a tooth extraction."$85. for an extraction sir", was the dentist's reply. Ouch have ye not got anythin' cheaper", replies Whitey getting...
Jack: I like you. Do you like me. Molly: No. Jack: :( Molly: You never asked if I loved you. Jack: Aww, do you love me. :) Molly: No..
Dance like the photo isn't being tagged, love like you've never been unfriended, and status update like nobody is liking..
Walking into your room and saying, "I should clean this" and then walking out..
That awkward moment when you're telling a story and you realize no one's listening. So you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything..
After sending a risky text, the following minutes feel like forever..
That annoying moment when you're mad at someone and they keep making you smile..
A kid ran out of the burlesque show. The doorman grabbed him and asked what is the matter. The kid said, “My Mama told me if I looked at anything bad I’d turn to stone…. and I can feel it starting!”.
A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day.
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila..
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught..
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand..
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience..
Looking at someone's playlist is like reading their diary..
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license. Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents.
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.
A man limps into a bar with a cane and an alligator.
The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised." She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised.
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many...