distortthetruth
I wish the papers would stop blaming violence in the movies for people committing violent acts in real life. I watch loads of violent films, and I hardly ever kill anyone...
Liven up your cat's morning by filling its litter tray with rice krispies...
I was gutted when I lost my phone last night because it had nude photos of my ex-girlfriend on it. Hopefully, my mate has still got them all on his...
Insanity does not run through my family. Rather, it takes a stroll through, getting to know everyone personally.
"I can't believe you would do this to me you son of a bitch!" "Baby don't you think your over-reacting a little?" "Fuck you, I thought we were going to be each others first!" "It just happened!" "Just happened!? With my sister, and my best …
I was having a shit in work when the guy in the next cubicle said, "Do me a favour...There's no toilet paper in here. Could you pass me some?" "Of course mate," I replied, sliding a few sheets under the partition. There was a moments silenc…
I was running through the forest chasing a girl with a massive hard-on... In hindsight, I think she might have been a man.
My Daughter wanted a Big Fat Gypsy type wedding. So we nicked the lead off the Church roof and had a massive punch up at the reception.
There is a saying in Britain that possessio is nine tenths of the word.