4 January 2013
I didn't realise how long I made this one!! :O
•Chapter 27 - It's You• •Kai• Ammi's mind. It remembers the events. It remembers the times. It remembers the people, remembers the feelings connected to those people. It remembers everything from before she went insane. Everything except her likes and dislikes - those are all different. If you really consider it, likes and dislikes are what make a person. What type of music you like can often affect your attitude. What type of movie you like can often effect your personality. It's all connected. So, as Ammi's likes and dislikes have changed, so has she, and I wasn't coping with that well. I couldn't find one thing she liked that was the same as before. I tried not to think about this too much as I filled in one of the five forms needed to be completed to take a patient out of the Lyle Springs Mental Institution for a single night. I would be given all the pills Ammi would need for the time she was with me, a briefing on what to do in case she panicked and something went wrong. It felt like I was adopting a pet or something. I'd been out of jail for four months now, and I hadn't been able to take her home yet. There were a series of tests, checks and statistics that had to be run so they could be confident she was stable enough to visit home. I got the call the morning after I visited Ammi at the institute, and they told me everything was all ok for her to stay a maximum of one night a week. I finished filling in and signing the fifth form, before gathering all the papers together and handing them to the woman that sat at the receptionist's desk. Ammi was like a firecracker ready to go off as the woman flicked slowly through the sheets, checking that all the information was there. She looked up at us with a blank expression, before breaking out into a smile, directed at Ammi. She knew how much this meant to Ammi. I was always told that when I wasn't there, the staff were constantly asked when I was coming back. Ammi squealed and leapt into my arms as I turned to face her. I chuckled as Ammi giggled and smiled, the happiest I had seen her since I got out of jail.
"It seems so... Empty" Ammi mused as she entered the house for the first time in a year, me following with her hold all of clothes and necessities. "Well, when I got back from jail, everything reminded me of... Well, you, so, I redecorated" I stated, not wanting to dwell on the fact that I had missed Ammi like crazy. We entered the kitchen and placed down the bag, Ammi taking a seat at the new breakfast bar I'd had fitted just last week. "Kai, I'm hungry" she informed me, sitting up straight on the stool with her hands tucked neatly in her lap. Oh. Right. I didn't think about this. She doesn't make any of her own food at the institute, it's just put in front of her now. "Ok, what do you want to eat angel?" I asked with a smile, standing at the opposite side of the marble bar. "Um..." she began, but didn't finish. Her smile faltered into a look of pure realisation. "I don't know". She looked upset by the fact that she couldn't think of anything - there was no need to be upset. "I'm sorry" she apologised, her gorgeous face pale and heart-broken. The nurse told me that she could be a bit emotional for the first few hours, as she was settling into a new environment. All I could do to help was comfort her. "Hey, hey" I shushed her, going around to her side of the breakfast bar. I took her small hands and rubbed them gently. "Why are you sorry?". "Because you asked me a question, and I can't answer it" she frowned, looking down at our hands. She gripped into mine as if holding on to me for support. "It doesn't matter. I only asked in case there was something in particular I could get you. I want you to have what you want. Whatever it is. Ok?" I told her, my eyes and tone filled with sincerity. She began to blush bright red like a young girl, her lips curled into a smile. "Anything I want?" She giggled. "Anything" I grinned, before pecking her nose with my lips softly, her blushing continuing. I wasn't sure if she remembered kissing me, and no matter how much I wanted to kiss her, I couldn't just throw my lips down on her. I wanted her to initiate it, I wanted her to be sure. Even if it took another four months, I could wait. Heck, I had waited a year just to see her face.
"Ammi?" I called throughout the house, my eyes scanning the various film titles that lined our shelf beside the television. "Yeah!" Came a giggly reply from somewhere in the house. It sounded mischievous. "Where are you babe?" I called again, my brows furrowing together as I began to wonder what she could be up to. I heard a cute little titter, and abandoned the movie picking to go search for her. I entered the kitchen, and saw Ammi sitting on the tiled floor, feeding Nolan marshmallows. That wasn't all - Nolan was wearing her hat. Ammi looked up and saw me, giggling for all she was worth. Nolan looked up and saw me, and sprinted out of the room to hide (he's not allowed marshmallows). Ammi's smile faded as the terrier dog left her to fend for herself. She continued to look up at me, eyes pleading for me not to be angry. I sighed, and held out my hand to her. She took it and stood up, but didn't let go of my hand. She stared down at it guiltily, thinking she had done wrong and upset me. I managed a chuckle, which made her break out in a large, girlish smile. "I thought we could watch a movie" I smiled softly, squeezing her hand gently. She let her smile fade, but it was noticeably being hidden. "Will there be marshmallows?" "There will be marshmallows" I nodded, picking up the bag of marshmallows she had been feeding Nolan from the counter without breaking eye contact. We went into the living room and Ammi sat down on the sofa, bag of marshmallows propped open on her lap. She popped a pink one in her mouth and smiled. "Horror movie good with you?" I asked, glancing along the line of many gore films the old Ammi and I had collected over the years. "Um, I don't really...like... Horror movies" she stumbled, a little bit embarrassed. My fingers froze from sliding along the movie titles. She doesn't like horror movies. Ammi used to love horror movies. They were all we watched. The only films we had were horror movies. I tried not to seem like it bothered me too much. "Well, we don't really have much else, so, how about I choose one that I know isn't too scary, yeah?" I compromised, a big smile on my face. "I don't know... I get really scared..." She muttered, staring down into the bag of mallows. "Ammi, trust me, you'll be fine" I reassured her, pulling out her all time favourite movie. I took out the disc and placed it in the television, falling down beside Ammi as the movie began to play. I watched intently for the first ten minutes, and so did Ammi. Until her face began to scrunch up into a look of disgust and fear. "Kai, turn it off" she told me sternly. "Just give it a minute Ams, it's not that bad" I chuckled light-heartedly, not taking my eyes off the TV screen as the scary part came. "Kai, turn it off!" Ammi yelled at me, suddenly wrapped in fear as she hid her face away from the horror on the screen. I picked up the remote and did as she asked, falling into complete silence as Ammi's breathing slowed back to a calm speed. "I'm sorry" I broke the silence with quiet, sincere words. It surprised me when she apologised too. "Me too". The two of us fell silent again, for more than a few moments. Even if I tried to make her understand, she wouldn't get it. She wasn't capable of understanding what I'd lost when she went insane. "I just really needed you to like that movie" I sighed. "I don't understand why it's so important to you" she replied, standing and sitting on the living room floor, her legs tucked up to her chest in insecurity of what she had just involuntarily witnessed. I moved and sat cross legged in front of her on the floor, and began to try and explain. "Before you lost your mind... That was your favourite movie... Like, ever" I began, my eyes already wet with salty tears. "You don't even realise how different you are. I just, I needed something, even if it was the smallest, most insignificant thing, I needed it to be the same as it was before" I stared down into my hands in my lap, trying to pretend as if my twiddling thumbs interested me. I could have gone into so much depth. I needed Ammi. I needed her to be with me. I needed her to know that sleeping in an empty house every night was killing me. I needed her to know that every moment I'm not with her is my loneliest. But I couldn't get it across with words. "I guess, if I could remember what I liked before, I'd have some guidelines, but I can't. It's like being a child all over again. It's so hard. I ate a carrot the other day, and then realised that I hated it. I mean, what is the point in it? It's long and orange and-" Ammi began to rant about the vegetable, but I cut her off with a small smile. "You've always hated carrots" I stated with a growing grin. "I have?" Ammi smiled. "Always. I've head that rant a thousand times before" I chuckled, all signs of upset with the both of us disappearing. Ammi giggled a bit too, but as we both fell quiet, she began to come closer to me, edging towards me in a crawl. "You know, there was this one thing I remember loving a lot, like, a lot, and... I still love it now" she blushed, coming incredibly close to my lips in particular. "What's that?" I chuckled in a whisper. Well, at least I know she's still a tease. "It's you".
•Soul Eater• • Opuss № I