20 August 2012
Maybe I'm a bit dim but I find this one highly confusing. Keep an open mind and make sure you're fresh and intelligent when you read it. LOL :) x
*Justin's POV* Drew shook in my arms and whimpered softly as we sat in the cabin crew's area. I heard one of the hostesses ask the entire first class if there was a doctor on board. Ironically, there was. "She doesn't need a Doctor" I mumbled at the woman as she entered with a middle-aged man. Her young face looked nothing like his. She was blonde, and had dark brown eyes, perfect facial features. He had jet black simply-cut hair, eyes a plain old blue. It's funny how Doctors look exactly how you'd imagine them. Tired, worn faces, wrinkles here and there, careful hands and an icy cold stare - even if they were the nicest doctor you'd ever met. "Mr. Bieber I think it's best-" the hostess began, hands humbly clasped together, expression apologetic. "No, she's schizophrenic" I stated, eyes glued on my frightened girlfriend. I suddenly glanced up at the hostess. She kept looking at Drew, eyeing her dangerously. At first I thought maybe she knew me and was jealous of Drew, but I realised it was something much deeper than that. It was... Fear. Or... Disgust. Drew was schizophrenic, and this woman didn't like it. She looked at Drew like she was bonkers. The exact way the other passengers had looked at her when she'd first begun to scream and writhe in her seat. They stared at her like she was... Inhuman. Some type of repulsive alien girl. I wanted to punch the hostess and the rest of the passengers in the face. The only person - besides me - that was considering her normal was the Doctor. "Has she been given any anti-hallucinants by her psychiatrist?" he asked, crouching down in front of her to get a good view of her face. Oh. Well now I feel stupid. "She told me she didn't need any" I muttered, suddenly realising she had been lying to me. I felt like the worst boyfriend-slash-almost-unofficial-fiancé ever. The doctor let out a sigh, lifting her chin slightly with his finger. "What's her name?" he asked. "Drew". He looked back at her. Her eyes were lost and distant, staring past the doctor, past the air hostess and away from civilisation. She stared into space. The doctor glanced up behind him, giving the air hostess a sour look. She immediately scurried off back into first class. "I hate it when they stare like that" he grumbled, moving Drew's head from side to side slowly, and I assumed he was checking her vitals or something. "I know right? What does she look like? An alien?" I replied, my opinion of the Doctor suddenly changing. I felt Drew begin to slide out of my arms and down to the floor, and with the Doctor's help, I caught her just in time. "Thanks" I mumbled, standing up to let her have the whole cabin seat. I stood awkwardly beside the Doctor, feeling the need to introduce myself. "I'm Justin" I held out my hand. He took it gratefully, and replied "Dr. Mark Walls" he smiled, before turning back to Drew. He searched her eyes with his, trying to bring her out of the scared, whimpering mode. "Drew, Drew?" he began. Her eyes found his, and she fell silent with a blank expression. "Hi, I'm a Doctor". He shouldn't have said that. She began to struggle away from him, her face scrunching up into a frown. She violently tried to writhe away, but he shushed her gently and she slowly stilled. I watched on helplessly as he talked to her and explained that she was hallucinating and that none of the things she was seeing were real. That was supposed to be my job. I was supposed to look after her. How had I been so stupid to believe her when she told me she didn't need tablets? That's so Drew. Convincing herself she was fine and didn't need anything to stop her hallucinating. As if it would slowly just fade away. I was angry with her now, and I didn't want to be. I couldn't shout at her, there was no point. She was too busy staring at the Doctor, barely hearing his words. "Drew, do you feel ok now?" he asked, and she squeezed her eyes shut, taking in a deep breath as if composing herself. "Yeah... I'm fine" she breathed, her voice shaky and quivering. "Not seeing anything odd, hearing anything?". "No". "Why aren't you taking tablets?". She immediately looked sheepish and incredibly guilty. I can't handle this. I turned away from her, running my hands through my hair and letting out a harsh, shallow breath. Drew stood up at the same time the doctor did. "Justin... I'm sorry I didn't tell you" she mumbled. Does she seriously think she can just say sorry, and everything will be fine? Does she think an apology is good here? "You lied to me about something extremely serious Drew" I whispered, pure anger shaking my voice. "Justin, it's not that serious" she began sincerely, but the Doctor chipped in on my part. "Actually, Drew, it's very important that you take your medicine. Without it, you'll hallucinate more and more, hearing things every now and again will eventually become hearing them all the time". I took in shallow breaths, my chest visibly rising and falling as I seethed in anger. "Thank you, Doctor, could you please leave us alone for a moment?" I asked with every polite bone in my body. He gave a simple nod and disappeared off back to his seat, leaving Drew and I alone in the cabin. I paced away from her momentarily, and she whispered gently through the silence "Justin... You're scaring me". That's it. I can't keep it back anymore. I spun around on her, eyes like daggers and a voice harsh and seething. "Am I? I'm scaring you? Would you like me to stop Drew?" I spat. She looked truly petrified of me, but I was too angry to even notice. She nodded as the answer to my question. "I don't think that's very fair" I said. "I-I don't understand... What's not fair?" she stuttered. I stepped closer towards her, my eyes burning into hers. "You scare me Drew. Every time you have a nightmare, or stare off and listen to things that aren't there, and imagine hellish things that I can't see. You scare me to death" I spat quietly, and as I walked forward, she was pushed back, until I had her up against the wall of the cabin. "Every time, I am petrified that you're not going to wake up from the nightmare, or you'll stare off into space and never look back, or never see right again. I'm permanently terrified that one day, your schizophrenia is going to get so bad, you can't cope. You'll do something insanely stupid, or never speak to me again because you're too ashamed to look at me, in case I look back and see a crazy girl" I explained. My voice was deathly quiet, and it made my words all the more scary for Drew. I seemed unpredictable, as if my anger would take over at any single moment - maybe it would. "You might be scared, but I'm scared too" I finished. I realised my hands were pinning Drew's wrists to the wall so she couldn't move. I felt like I should take them away, but I couldn't. They were glued to her skin, gripping onto her with pure anger. "Justin... Please stop it" she choked, tears streaming down her cheeks as her chest heaved in fear of me. "I don't think you understand how much you mean to me" I frowned at her, ignoring her words as I continued to speak. "Did you know I'd die for you? I'd do anything it took to make you happy.... And you stand here, throwing your life away because you don't want to take some stupid pills" I spat at her, my volume beginning to raise. "I didn't think you could be so selfish" I finished. I watched her cry in front of my face, and whimper gently as she quivered in fear. I reluctantly let her go - although the anger inside me told me I could have done a lot more - stepping back and giving her room. "Justin... I'm... I'm sorry... I..." she choked, her arms wrapped around her own stomach as she cried. "Justin... Please... Don't... I-I love you". "No... No you don't. Not as much as I love you" I frowned, realising her words were a lie. "If you loved me the way I loved you, you'd have taken the pills because I wanted you to. Because I needed you to" I felt tears sting my own eyes, my face screwed up into a frown. "You don't care what I want. You don't realise how much it hurts me to see you hurting" I held back the tears, my hands balled into angry fists. "I'm sorry, I promise, I'll take the pills, I will. I'll do it for you" she pleaded, coming up to me and clinging onto my shirt in a begging manner. "No... It's too late Drew. You've already proved that my love for you means... Nothing" I whispered. I stepped away from her, my eyes scrunched up in hurt from what I'd just realised. Drew doesn't love me. She can't. If she loved me, she would've taken the pills because she knew I'd be worried if she didn't. I walked away. I brushed hurtfully past her, and out of the cabin. In my mind, I could see her breaking down behind me, crying and holding herself in sadness. My heart ached at the thought. I wanted to turn around and go back. I wanted to go back and hold her and tell her I was sorry and that I loved her. But I couldn't. I kept walking. Out of the cabin, down the isle and back to my seat.
I hope that made sense. This is it simplified... Sort of... :)
Drew didn't take the pills, but she knows Justin would want her to. Drew knew Justin would want her to take them, but still didn't, therefore leading Justin to the conclusion that she doesn't love him.
Ok. I get it now. Haha :) x
Texas Girl (Pt 50) • Opuss № I