21 August 2012
More tomorrow night! I gotta think of more material :) x
*Drew's POV* I felt myself slip reluctantly into consciousness, my eyes flickering over and over until they accepted the harsh light of day streaming in through the open curtains. I realised I was back in the bedroom, my body half under the covers, half left to the icy cold breeze drifting in through the open balcony doors. It should have felt horrid, my body was half-naked and exposed to the Canadian air that threatened to snow at any moment, but it was nice. I felt like I was being slowly roasted, and the chill hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat up in the bed, staring around me in search of any sign of how I got here. There was a note beside me on the made bed. Hold on a minute. Justin never makes the bed. Ever. Did he not sleep in here last night? I've been awake for two minutes and I already feel like crap. I sighed, picking up the note and beginning to read: Drew, I hope you're feeling ok. What you did last night is one of the stupidest things you've ever done. I've gone out this morning. I'm not sure when I'll be back. - Justin.
That's it? That's all he wrote? He didn't tell me where he went, or when he'd be back... Or who he's gone with. He didn't write I love you either. That's probably because he doesn't. The thought made my stomach churn, and I felt everything inside me involuntarily shift. Oh no. I sprinted out of the bed and into the bathroom, collapsing in front of the toilet just before I could throw up. I coughed and spluttered out pretty much everything inside me. Anything that was there, is not anymore. I took in a sharp breath as the vomiting momentarily stopped. I was crying. Tears streamed down my cheeks and off my skin, as I sobbed and whimpered loudly. My entire body shook, before it began again. I choked everything out. Tears, vomit, pain, loneliness. And then he was there. He flew to my side, gathering my hair up with one hand and using the other to hold me gently around the waist. "Shh, it's ok. I'm here" he told me as the worst of it came to an end. I resorted to small coughs and spitting into the toilet every now and again. "Oh Drew... What am I gonna do with you baby girl?" he half-heartedly laughed, as I collapsed my back against the bath, every inch of my body either shaking or convulsing. I continued to cry as he brushed my hair out of my face. "I know you're cheating on me" I sobbed, letting him wipe the corners of my mouth with toilet paper. He immediately furrowed his brow at my words. "Cheating on you? What are you talking about?" he searched my eyes to find the sense of my words. "This morning. When you went out. You were with another girl, weren't you?" I tried to spit at him harshly, but my voice was still shaky and weak. He laughed. He laughed in my face. He was almost in tears as he clutched his stomach from so much amusement. "Oh that is so not what happened" he choked out through the chuckles. I gave him a steely hard look, showing him I didn't find it funny. At all. I knew he was cheating on me. Why else would he not tell me where he went? "Then where did you go?". "I can't tell you". "Why not?" I spat at him, pulling myself up off the bathroom floor, suddenly full of confidence - and anger. He stood up too, just as confident, but nowhere near as angry. "Because you're not allowed to know" he said calmly. That was all I had to hear. That was all the confirmation I needed. The thought of his lips against someone else's, his body pressed tight to someone but my own, his heart beating for someone else. I imagined a tall, thin blonde, a super model maybe, the perfect hair, the perfect body. She'd have some beautiful name like Alicia, or Persephone, or Cassandra. I began to weep quietly, slowly but surely falling to the floor. I held my knees tight to my chest and rocked myself back and forth, whimpering as my heart broke piece by piece at the thought of being two-timed. "I am not a cheater Drew," Justin began calmly, as my heart began to race and I found it hard to breathe. He crouched down in front of me, slowly speaking "It's your schizophrenia. It's putting your emotions in over-drive. You gotta breathe, Drew. Calm down" he said simply, his hands finding their way to gently rest on my shoulders. My chest and stomach heaved, and it felt a lot like having a panic attack. I became hot and sticky, feeling a bead of sweat glide down the back of my neck. "Drew, I love you, and you have to believe me when I tell you I am not, cheating on you" he explained slowly as I took deep breaths. My head began to spin and my vision was flecked with black dots, causing the room and everything in it to look like some sort of cartoon drawing. I briefly shut my eyes as my skull throbbed, silently begging for it to stop. I let out a whimper as the pain became more and more excruciating, the fact that my heart had been broken by the most perfect boy on earth dissolving in my mind, along with every other thought I had been having. My hands roughly groped at the back of my head - where the pain was worst - as I slowly fell down onto my back on the bathroom floor. "Drew! No, come on Drew" Justin's voice shook with worry as he slid to my side, pulling me by the waist to sit sideways in his lap. I cried harder as the pain came worse. It felt like somebody was continuously shooting me in the head, and the bullet was staying wedged in my skull, to maximise the damage. Justin tried with all his might to tug my hands away from my skull, as I was pulling on my own hair and scratching at my scalp and neck, trying everything to get to the source of the pain. In a hot, breathy mess, Justin swiftly pulled my hands away from me and pulled me into his chest in a hug. I stopped writhing and wriggling. I breathed, and I cried into his shoulder as the drama slowly died, along with the pain in my skull. Only now could I notice the aching pain in my heart. I should have pushed him away. He'd cheated, I was sure of it. But I wanted him so badly. I wanted him to hug me and hold me and never let me go. I wanted him to kiss me and touch me and tell me he loved me. But he didn't. He didn't say anything. He just let me cry. He let me cry when I needed him to tell me to stop. I needed him... In general. And even though he was right in front of me, our bodies touching, it felt like we were a thousand miles apart, and that I was hugging mid-air. If he didn't want me, then fine. I'd learn to not want him. To not need him. I pulled back, taking in a deep breath to compose myself. I stood up and left him on the bathroom floor, walking into the bedroom. What to do, what to do. Something that would seem ignorant and smug. I whipped my headphones out of my suitcase and plugged them into my phone, collapsing on the bed as I blared the music at full volume. Justin came out of the bathroom and raised his eyebrows at me, sighing something that looked like, "Seriously?". I stayed silent. I didn't even look at him. I pretended to scroll through the albums on my iPhone. I sneakily turned the volume down so I could hear his next words. "Drew, I know you can hear me, so stop it" he sighed impatiently once more. I ignored him, again. He stormed up to my side of the bed, ripping the headphones off my head and catching a strand of hair in the process. "Ow!" I yelped, before gritting my teeth. My scalp stung where it had been harshly tugged on, but I pretended it didn't hurt by biting down on my tongue until I tasted blood. Justin had already thrown the headphones down on the bed, checking the volume on my phone. He realised I hadn't had the volume up at all, and threw it across the room with a yell. Jesus. Now he's scaring me. My phone shattered into a million tiny pieces on the wall, scattering across the ground. He must have thrown it pretty hard. iPhone's aren't all that easy to break. "You're acting like a child!" he screamed at me, his hands running shakily through his hair. "Yeah well you deserve to be ignored!" I got a shot of adrenaline, and pulled myself up off the bed, yelling at him just as much as he was yelling at me. "I didn't cheat on you Drew! In fact I was doing the exact opposite!". "What the hell is that supposed to mean?". "Well it means nothing now" he spat. I had no idea what he was on about, but I was so angry with him, and he was making my blood boil, so I screamed at him the three words I knew would sting the most. "I hate you!".
*Justin's POV* Drew's words echoed through my ears as if I was in a never ending tunnel of pain. Her words broke my heart, made me so angry I wanted to hit her, made me so sad I wanted to cry and beg for her to love me, and made me feel so stupid for ever thinking we'd last long enough to get married. The perfect ring sat in my jeans pocket, just waiting to be slid on her finger at any moment I desired. But did I really desire it anymore? Yes, so much. No, I can't stand her. Maybe, if she'd say yes. Every emotion I felt at that moment had an answer, but none of them seemed right. I didn't love her enough right now to want to marry her, but I didn't hate her enough to not. I was so conflicted. I shouldn't have thrown her phone. I couldn't help it though, I was angry, and she was pissed off at me for something I never did! She accused me of cheating, when I'd actually been out picking the perfect ring. "You..... Hate me?" I asked quietly, my hand buried in my pocket, fingers smoothing over the black velvet of the ring box. "Yes, Justin. I hate you right now" she said firmly, although it wasn't entirely believable. "Just right now, or... What?". "... I don't know...". "You don't know if you love me anymore?". Once again, "... I don't know...". We must have stood like that for hours and hours on end, eventually getting tired and settling down side by side on the edge of the bed. When it had begun to get dark - bearing in mind Drew had woken up at four in the afternoon, she had go
Texas Girl (Pt 52) • Opuss № I