4 June 2012
I was a man with a magnificent plan. I was going to die. That was my plan. Fuck it, I'll just go out with a bang. Screw it, I don't need to be told a thing. Shut the fuck up, and kiss my royal ring. Yeah. Shut the fuck up, I'm the damn king. That's what I said when the monks came, but it wasn't enough. They ignited a flame.
Deep within me was so much suffering. Deep inside me was so much pain. I was a mean little sad mans spirit. Couldn't handle myself with it. I scared everyone away, none would feed me, so I lived on the rain, and it was starving me.
The god who I'd believed in, had forsaken me. Left me to my own devices, starving me. I finally gave in. I couldn't let myself win. Had too much will to live, too much energy to lie still. The monks took me to their temple. A magnificent place with statues, and decorated pillars.
They tought me to lose my mind. Not going crazy, just emptying my mind. I learned how to meditate deep enough to visuallize the most secret place in my brain. I crawled in there, and looked around. There were different rooms, painted in different colours. I walked around and saw many strange things. I saw a tombstone with my name on it, a man with a thousand faces living in a cage, a roaring tiger on a leash.
There were two pools. One filled with water, clear blue. The other filled with fresh red blood. There were rooms with beautiful women in them, and rooms with strange animals too. After a while, I found a room with walls covered with buttons and four levers.
There I started reading the text on every handle. One read "These are the things you cannot handle". The next one read "These are the things you fear the most". A different one read "This is your eternal, unconditional love". The last one read "These are your hopes and your wishes".
I wouldn't have bothered, if it had been just any place. But in this place I felt reduced to a mere euphoric daze.
I pulled myself together, and turned the first handle. Immediately a burden lifted from my shoulders. All of a sudden, I felt like a king. Nothing left I couldn't handle. But I was afraid. Afraid to die and afraid to lose this power.
I turned the second handle, and now nothing could shake me, in this freedom from lifes pressure, nothing could break me, only one thing could take my life away. It was love.
I still felt very much mortal, and wanted a simple way out, so I went on and turned the third handle, and took my love out. All of a sudden I didn't care about anything, not about myself, not about anyone else, and not even about life itself, so after this, the fourth handle pretty much turned itself.
After the fourth and very last handle was turned, I felt nothing. I had nothing left to do. I disappeared. My mortal body died the second the last handle was turned. My heart stopped beating, and my soul simply disappeared.
Now I'm a virus in the collective consciousness. I feed on other soul's emotions, and consciousness. I am a wandering spirit, only out to create havok. I suck out every last emotion, and let you run amok.
Your soul is now my food, the only thing that makes me real. You collaborate so beautifully, when your love and hate I steal. So remember me, when you crawl through the pits. Remember me, when you're giving your true lovers kiss. I am your monster. I am your nightmares. I am your lost brother, the one who fares.
The One Who Fares • Opuss № I