27 December 2012
We at the Daily Opuss can exclusively reveal, that after days on the run, Father Christmas has been arrested by French police in Paris in the Pigalle red light district, last night.
One eye witness said he was partially dressed, wearing only his black boots, underpants and his belt round his neck, clutching a bottle of WHISKY rapping " Call the crib, same number, same HOOD... I'm the notorious r.e.d."
Details are emerging slowly as to St Nicks whereabouts since he was last seen chasing a CocaCola truck in Norway on Sunday 23rd December. One driver saw Father Christmas urinating in the NordFJORD causing him to SWERVE dramatically into on coming traffic. He later said: "I just couldn't believe it, the children are very distressed, we have had to tell them Santa was asking the fish what they wanted for Christmas. "
One ELF, who wishes to remain anonymous, told us "he just lost it, after watching too much late night MTV, he told us to "PIMP" his sleigh with pearlescent paint, flat screen, jacuzzi, bigger rims, and boom boom base sound system in the rear."
After hearing several drunk and disorderly reports, the French police finally arrested Father Christmas when he was seen approaching several women, including Swiss ARISTOBRAT, Tamara Toffynosen, thinking they were prostitutes. Onlookers have told us he was shouting " Hey yo Ho Ho Ho's, check out my jingle bellz" while shaking his Christmas puddings.
St. Nicholas continued his protest as he was piled into the police van shouting " I'm so FLY, y'all can't deny....."
We will continue to update you throughout the day.
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Exclusive!....St. Nick Nicked! • Opuss № I