28 November 2012
'I'm sick of arranging and planning everything and everyone making me sort everything out. I'm the girl. I want someone to look after me!' I scream at him. I stand there for a moment, finally still, and stare at his startled face. My body is shaking from adrenaline and I shocked myself with my outburst. Then, realising what I had just done, I sunk to the floor as the tears poured from my eyes. I pulled my knees to my chest and covered my face with my hands. My sobs were strangled and muffled but they shattered the uncomfortable silence over and over again. I can't believe i just said that to him. I cant believe I just yelled at him so badly. Why did i take it all out on him? I hope he doesn't hate me or think I'm an over emotional crazy b word. Why did i have to go and be so stupid? Soon I calmed down even though I felt like I wasn't ready to stop crying. My breath now hiccuped in my throat as I tried to breathe normally but my body still tried to cry. I tried to steady myself but ended up almost hyperventilating. I squeezed out a few tears from frustration but put my head on my knees and stared into the darkness. I felt a hand rest warily on my back. He was trying to comfort me but his awkwardness only agitated me. 'If you think I'm a crazy b word then that's fine. Just leave me alone and don't talk to me again. That's fine, I don't care.' I do care. Shut up heart! 'Just don't be this fake, awkward person. Comfort me if you want to but do it properly for goodness sake.' I snap. In theory I shouldn't have snapped at him after exploding like that but I really wasn't in the mood for niceties. He wrapped his arm around my back and pulled me onto his lap. His strong arms completely encircled me and pressed me against his body as I still sat with my knees up to my chest. My arms were squashed between my body and his but I rested one hand near his shoulder and buried my face in his chest. 'Thats better.' I muttered, feeling ashamed of the way I had reacted. I could have lost him as a friend overdone stupid feeling. The tears spilled over once more and I started to cry again. He rubbed my back comfortingly and rocked me from side to side whispering, 'Shhh. Don't cry. It'll be ok.' softly into my ear. I'm not sure how or when but at some point I fell asleep in his strong arms with his soothing voice as my lullaby.
Opuss № I