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Make the little things count... Teach midgets math..
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I'd like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher..
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I know I just met you, and this is crazy, but get in the f*cking van..
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A bull in pretty much any shop is gonna be a mess.
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Crocs are for people who like adding a degree of difficulty to getting laid..
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Randomness #7
Me on Opuss Error logging in. Me: WHY GOD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?. WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!.
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Friend Quote
"Ughhh, why do I have to learn Spanish?" *I shrug* "I mean, I don't even wanna learn it. I wanna learn to speak Mexican." ...?.
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My prayer
Thank you God for this yummy delicious food which I will now have to scarf down like a starving demon hog because I only have ten minutes to eat. Amen..
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The Wonder Of Fable #2
Go away headless monkey. I don't like the look in your eyes... - same bowerstone woman.
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Quote
My ear makes money!. Hello, boat company. I'd like to order a boat. What do you mean 'dial tone'?!?. -Homer Simpson, the Simpsons (after Lisa pulls a coin out from his ear).
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Who's In Charge Of The Poo
(Written by my bro Amir) #Funny I was looking forward to some time in the loo, Ten minutes alone to produce number two.
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Nothing is impossible. Ha. Whoever wrote that obviously never tried nailing jelly to a tree..
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Random Quote #91
Opuss: Yay. This app is life ruiningly fun!.
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Quote
Here's your pizza, I'd say, I didn't order any they'd say, Then I'd be off to my next adventure. -Philip J Fry, Futurama.
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Sponge Bob
I don't know what Squidward's problem is, I would love to live next to Sponge Bob..
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Random Quote
What is this thing they call normal. Is it contagious. OMG DON'T TOUCH ME. I might catch your normal. Anonymous.
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My Rain Boots
It's raining; Am walking; Feeling feeling in my high rain boots. They're staring in envy on my lovely jacquard painted high rain boots.
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Roses are red, my name isn't Dave. I love The Wanted. Microwave..
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Pocky
Pocky: The food of otakus!.
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Schadenfreude
Schadenfreude: the wonderful feeling knowing that somewhere in the world someone actually has a crappier life than you do..
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Cheese
Possibly one of the greatest descriptions of cheese ever, from QI Season 7 Episode 10 David Mitchell- It's gone off already. I mean, cheese, basically, hasn't it.
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Lol
"What time is it?" "There's a clock right there." "Did I ask you where the clock was?".
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In Bruges #17
Ken: You got five grams of coke. Ray: I've got four grams on me and one gram in me which is why me heart is going like the clappers, as is I'm about to have a heart attack.
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In Bruges #16
Ken: What the f*ck are you doing, Ray. Ray: What the f*ck are 'you' doing. [Ken sticks pistol behind his back] Ken: Nothing. Ray: Oh, my God... you were gonna kill me.
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