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When my cat sleeps on my bed she spreads out exactly like a sausage. I call her the sausage cat. I also call her Boo, Shands and Love Loss. They are only some names (real name is Shandy):).
My mom thinks LOL means “Lots of Love”,so she texted me: “Our dog died LOL”..
I hate it when flies think it's OK to take a break in your eye and have a nap down your throat or up your nose!. .
my girlfriend left me because of my obsession with cats. purrfect!.
Yo' momma's so dumb, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India..
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road. A: To show the armadillo that it was possible..
7:30 sleep 7:40 wake up 7:45 go back to sleep 7:50 go to the loo 8:00 have some cat food 8:10 sleep 12:30 wake up 12:40 sleep 19:59 wake up 20:00 have cat food 20:15 sleep REPEAT ALL.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
A seal walks into a club....
There was once a dog and a cat. The cat had 2 things: thing one and thing two.. The dog had a mouse as an owner. Can you guess which cat and dog I am talking about????.
Do all cats and dogs have the breath of 1000 deaths because my cat does. She eats her smelly wet food and then cleans herself, making her fur smell also. Infact she is cleaning her fur now..
"You're a bitch" "Well, a bitch is a female dog, and I like dogs, so thanks" :).
"Cats have nine lives.Which makes them ideal for experiments". -Jimmy Carr.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walked into a field. They walked on ahead, and had seen a cow. “That there cow is an English cow,” said the Englishman.
You are what you eat. So why doesn't an ant eater look like an ant?.
Where do bees go to the toilet. The BP station..
Dog: Where is my belly button. Owner: What. Dog: WHERE'S MY BELLY BUTTON. Owner: Do Dogs have belly buttons. Dog: WHERE'S MY FUCKING BELLY BUTTON. Owner: CALM DOWN. Dog: YOU CALM DOWN.
One day an oyster had all the food in the sea for himself, but he wouldn't share it because he was shelfish..
That frightening moment when you hear your dog fart....
Like this if you talk to your dog like a baby and they tilt there head like what the heck are you saying?.
As a kid I was told to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog..
Unicorns are real. We just don't recognise them so easily because they got fat and now we call them rhinos!.
The wife just said, "Your obsession with cats is totally out of control, so I've packed your bags." I think she's kicking meeeowt..
How many ducks would a woodchuck fück if a woodchuck could fück ducks. A woodchuck would fück as many ducks as a woodchuck could fück if a wood chuck could fück ducks. lmao .