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In the jungle there was once this elephant and a snake. They had a bitter rivalry about who was smarter. So the wise owl (who was their arbitrator) set each of them up with a test.
I don't want to live until I'm 100 If it means fading out with a lonely last breath I'd rather cop it out ravin' 70yrs young and misbehavin' On a concoction of mind twistin' meths At a push perhaps...
When asked how he would like to die this man said: "I would like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming and yelling like the other passengers in the car he was...
Shakespeare, I scoff. I could beat him any day. Just use some old English, And ask for a big pay. Metaphors are useful, Symbolism too. Add 'eth' on the end, And give something new.
Have you washed your hands little lady. Have you washed you hands. No. Well then you naughty thing. You'll have to wash them.
There was a boy, who lived on a boy but he was not poor he was just an outcast, and he wasn't an outcast because he was odd or "weird" it was because he was just so ... Sexy.
There's been a perimeter breach At chicken Auschwitz-Berkenau. I really have to wonder What has happened now.
#household A knock or tap heard at the door, Barb guessed at Nell but was not sure.
Spider |. Spider |. On |. My |. Pane |.
In 1986 Peter Davis was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from University.
I went to a restaurant. To eat some good. There was an old lady. Sat in the nude. Eating a steak. With potatoes and peas. Under the table. Pubes down to her knees. This wasn't the sight.
A pub landlord is shutting up for the night, when there is a knock at the door.When he answers, a tramp asks him for a toothpick.
There was an old blind woman who owned a farm. Her husband had been sick for years and he eventually died. She cried for days and decided to chop off his finger to keep as a memento.
One day a biker dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil... Satan: "Why so glum?" Biker : "What do you think.
#household Loosely based on Of Mice And Men I hear he wears an oven glove. An oven glove. An oven glove. I hear he wears an oven glove Full of Vaseline. Full of Vaseline I say. Vaseline you say.
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini , Italy , went to the local church for confession.
(If you are a strong catholic or Christian I would not recommend reading this, if you do I mean no offence) A magazine wrote an article from when the Pope visited.
One sunny night 2 dead boys started a fight They fired their sords Then drew their pistols. Luckly a deaf police man heard the comotion But acadently drowned them In a dried up ditch.
A lady takes her lover to her house during the day, while her husband is at work and Unknown to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet to skip school.
I'm singing the blues, About my life: I'm a good for nothing singer Who left his wife. I'm growing old and sad, With balding grey hair, Yet nothing scares me more Then a crazy nightmare.
Well, that's the back of Herman. I'd grown rather attached To that gloopy, cakey guy Though at first we seemed mismatched.
If the world was hell,. Your nanny would be Joseph Kony,. The only ship would be the Titanic,. Osama Bin Laden would come back from the dead and be in charge of the Nobel Peace Prize,.
Once upon a time there was a penguin called Bob III. He was fat and moved as fast as a snail, so he usually got the S41 bus. He could only waddle as long as he had his Segway in case he got stuck.
ADULT!!. Please do not read if you're easily offended, not for the faint hearted... A poor and quite painful attempt to make fun of vulgarity...