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Brunette mom: i found cigarettes under my daughters bed...i didn't know she was a smoker. Redhead mom: i found beer under my daughters bed... i didn't know she was a drinker.
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
Humpty Dumpty that proud egg, Reduced to poverty and now must beg, On street corners subjected to hoots From sarcastic cats in swanky boots. One day, he swears, that cat will die.
Roses are red, violets are blue, SHIT. wrong poem. Happy birthday to you. Roses are red, violets are blue, If I can't have you, NO ONE CAN. Roses are red, violets are violet...
A Mexican, an Arab, and a hot gorgeous blonde Somerset girl are in the same bar...
Who Slammed Doors For Fun And Perished Miserably A trick that everyone abhors In little girls is slamming doors.
They stalk the streets, those cheeky little cheats. How they linger near to steal your snack, I urge to rebel and give them a smack. But I fear a counter-attack.
The three little pigs in a bit of a jam, Sought some help from the gingerbread man. Their lives were in peril from a wolf so bad, Protection they said, must be had.
I'd quit my search for Anusol in the supermarket aisles, And hobbled to a pharmacist’s to seek balm for my piles, But when they saw my sorry state it was straight to the GP, They’d phoned ahead to...
A monster born of wind and lies, Holding greedy sin in yellow eyes, With a virgin girl's head, Forever lost in unwed, Talons to bleed the dead, Flesh never left un-shred, Great grey wings of...
Another tale of goblins, I think must now be told, this time of three goblins, one short, one tall, one old.
Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.
A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.
I'm chipper all the day, I never serve myself. When will I get my own way. I'm not in the best of health. I like fancy clothes. Leather gloves and panty hose that don't contain holes.
There's 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one off. How many do you have. 499... What are three steps to putting an elephant in your fridge.
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Four men were stranded on a desert island. One of them died. They were all very hungry, so they decided to eat parts of the dead mans body. They ate the parts for the football team they supported.
If you get caught masturbating say something friendly to avoid awkwardness, like; "Hey. I was just thinking of you!!" Buy a parrot. Teach the parrot to say, "Help.
---------- You hear loud noises coming from your parent's bedroom. Your dad is on away on a business trip...
Sketch The Interrogation Opens up on an enclosed room, a table, two chairs and a tape recorder occupy the space. Officer; Where were you on the night of the 8th August Mr Monroe.
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull".
Bruno mars: When I'm a billionaire. Girl: Will you buy me some clothes. Bruno mars: Girl your AMAZING, just the way you are. Girl: Do u really mean that. Bruno mars: Darling I'd catch a grenade for...
A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman.
This isn't gonna be a series or anything. Just a short story. Enjoy. My bedroom door was closed. It was 3am and I'd just been to the toilet. You probably didn't want to know that but now you do.