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There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. -Steven Wright.
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iPod Optimism
My iPod is really optimistic. When it said it had around 50percent battery left, it died. Is anyone else's iPod this thick?.
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Mind Trick
If Pinocchio were to say "my nose will grow right now", what would happen. Mind = blown..
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Reality...
Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol..
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Men And Politics
In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. -- Margaret Thatcher.
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Genius
Yeah, I'm stupid. Stupid like a fox!!.
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Way to think outside, but right up against the box..
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Haters
People who hate you are just your confused admirers. They can't figure out the reason why everyone loves you..
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'unique'
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else . . . . . . . . ..
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Taking Part
The only people who say "it's the taking part that counts" are the people who didn't win!.
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Perm Ache
Being dumped is like getting a perm. It's terrible, you feel like an idiot, but you learn to live with it and eventually it sorts itself out..
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Churchill Comeback
A real Winston Churchill comeback when he was drunk in parliament. An MP: Churchill you are drunk. Churchill: I am, and you are ugly. But tomorrow I will be sober but you will still be ugly..
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Just For Laughs
You should get out of any relationship where you secretly hope the other person is kidnapped and held for a ransom you can't pay. ~ Dane Cook.
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Dr House
Every little girl wants a pony until they have to clean up after it..
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Dolphins
Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?.
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Stupid Ipod
Your i pod/phone doesnt have enough battery to play games on, but it has enough to bug you about it 24/7..
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Characteristics of Real Men
1. A real man Doesn't Kiss and Tell. 2. A real man Notices your hair and nails. 3. A real man calls you beautiful, not hot, sexy, or fine as f***. 4.
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Ain't Love Grand
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. Unknown.
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Confused
A lot of people are writing either jokes or philosophy, I'll just be honest and say that I don't care :).
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Stupidity
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people..
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Waterloo Road
You know you've watched too much Waterloo Road when you start saying "innit" and "fam" with a totally serious facial expression....
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Qwerty
By will ----------------- My Computer is qwerty. My iPod is qwerty. My iPhone is qwerty..
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Knowing
I have seen the Rich, I know my place..
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...lol
(No offence to Justin Bieber fans...) "NEVER SAY NEVER" Hey Justin. You just said it twice!.
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